Finding my Desteni - How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message

I remember the day that I first got into contact with Desteni.

I was sitting in my sister’s room, browsing around on her laptop. I was bored, and decided to look for some videos on YouTube. At that time, my brother, sister and I were very much into spirituality and conspiracy theories (sister to a lesser extent), and at that time specifically, we were into “orgone energy”. So I looked around for some orgone energy videos (we had been making some orgone pyramids) to see if I could find some ‘new’ info that I hadn’t found before, get some more ‘excitement’ out of it.

As I was watching one of the orgone videos on YouTube, I noticed a peculiar thumbnail on the right side by the featured videos. I clicked on it and started watching the video. I thought the whole ‘breathing in and out’ at the start of the video was a bit weird, but I continued watching.

As the person was talking through the video I found that he was speaking a bit weird. And I mean, Wilhelm Reich was supposed to be dead, so how was he going to be giving an interview on YouTube – even better – an interview on YouTube as a 14 year old boy.

I thought, “Man, poor child, he must have been forced by his parents to memorize this script and then say it out loud to a camera for it to be uploaded on YouTube”. But then, as the video went on, I realised that the way the person in the video was speaking, behaving – was just ‘too natural’ to match my idea of some abused teenager who was forced to memorize a ten minute script.

I was quite intrigued with the video and wanted to find out more, so I went to check out his YouTube channel. There I saw that the channel had more than 500 videos uploaded, which in my eyes confirmed that this could not have been a ‘force case’. I also went to check out the website at the end of the video and I couldn’t find anything related to money or making money out of the videos they were doing. I couldn’t grasp why someone would be faking 500 videos for no money so I decided that either this person’s a complete nutcase – or must be very passionate and driven about something (and 500+ videos, that’s something very admiring in terms of someone’s dedication).

I checked out some more videos and they all made sense to me.

I then also visited the forum and found out the person in the video was a 24 year old female (Oopsie!), I introduced myself and continued absorbing all the videos and articles.

The videos about the Mind Consciousness System and how thoughts and images feed and energize your mind made a lot of sense to me. You see, a few months, maybe a year, before I got all into spirituality, I basically ‘made’ myself be somewhat ‘anorexic’. Throughout my life I had always been fascinated by anorexic girls and how they had the willpower to abstain from food (I mean, I LOVE FOOD). Then the one day, I was watching a documentary on tv about some anorexic girls, which give a pretty good picture of their thought patterns, as those became apparent during the interviews with them. So then I thought, “Hey, instead of anorexia “happening” to me like a “disease”, I could just manage my thoughts, and deliberately think the way they do, and manage it that way!”. This might sound very weird, but I was very bored with my life at that time, and I was looking for a ‘goal’, something to achieve, a ‘purpose’ to give my life direction. So then, that’s what I did.

I found it very exciting to play this ‘secret game’, always having to make sure my family wouldn’t take notice in this change of “lifestyle” that I had adopted. I started losing a lot of weight and getting a lot of compliments from the people around me. I absolutely loved it.

At times when I was down I would take my diary and write out my “managed thoughts”, to kind of ‘force them’ into reality – and surprisingly it worked! I found that writing was very effective in terms of re-enforcing the behaviour that I was looking for within myself. I’d also flip through fashion magazines, keep a scrap book where I kept the best model pictures – and when I was really having a ‘dip’ or a bad day in terms of ‘not eating food’, I’d take one of the images and re-draw them in my diary. I got so good at constantly forcing myself to think about losing weight and calories and exercising  -- that it just became an automated part of me and I didn’t have to ‘deliberately’ do it anymore – it had just become me.

So when I came to the point where I was like “Fuck, this is getting out of hand (I was very drowsy, feeling nauseas, sometimes feeling like I was about the faint), I’ve got to stop this.” I tried, but then I noticed how this whole new behaviour had just “taken over” and I had lost control. The thoughts, the pictures in my head – they just kept coming!

I eventually got over it, but it took a whole long while to get there.

So when I was watching the Desteni videos on how you program yourself with your thoughts, how you ‘motivate’ your mind with pictures = I knew that the information that the being in the video was sharing was true, because I had experienced (and enforced it) first hand.

So I just knew that Desteni was the real shit, and as I went along with the new videos it just kept on being re-confirmed. I also knew the power writing had, so I started to use it for the first time to actually assist myself (instead of breaking myself down).

Since then, I’ve been able to live a lot more satisfying life. Desteni teaches you how to take control over your own inner-world, teaches you to appreciate yourself and stand for something real. I did not have to look for a ‘goal’ or a ‘purpose’ anymore, it was right here – it was Desteni.

My Family & Desteni

During my entire childhood I had a very bad relationship with my father. I mostly spoke Dutch at home with my mother, brother, sister as well as at school – while my father spoke French and Spanish. I was always very scared of my father, he’d come home angry and frustrated from work and then take it out on us kids. My main experiences towards my father had been fear and anger and I kept my distance.

 Ever since I started participating with the Desteni, I could through the many videos, articles, forum discussion and interviews assist myself with better getting to know myself and understand how my experiences operate. At the same time I also discovered and was able to see why my dad acted the way he did – and that things weren’t as ‘simple’ as I had thought them to be (Eg – “He acts this way because he’s evil”). I could work through my own personal issues towards my father and within that change my attitude and approach in how I participated daily with my father. Once I started changing towards my father, my father started changing towards me.  Our relationship improved a little bit, but not that much.

 Then, after being on the farm for two years, my mom came for a second visit and my dad came with. For the first time in my life I was able to have an actual conversation with my dad. It wasn’t yet a ‘natural’ point but at least it was comfortable. Then a year and a half later (and some moreself-investigation and self-forgiveness later), my parents visited again – and for the first time in my life I was able to have actual fun with my father, have a cool conversation and enjoy each other’s company. It’s like we decided to open up a new chapter and leave the past behind. What had been done, had been done and there was no point holding on to it.