Day 11: Anxiety and Me - Part 1

I've had this thing for years now where whenever I experience coldness around me -- I go into an experience of anxiety. And it gets triggered just like that. It doesn't matter what I'm doing or where I'm at, the moment it's cold this anxiety generator inside me just switches on and starts rumbling. And it's really annoying. I've done Self-Forgiveness on this point each time winter comes around, as then it's shoved in my face every day. So here I go again.

I believe the connection between "coldness" and "anxiety" was created at some point during either my last or second last year of high school. We had a very cold winter I just hated having to walk through the cold to the train station and then sitting their in the cold waiting for the train to come, with only the smoke of a cigarette giving me some comfort of warmth. I think it was my last year of high school as at that stage I had a lot of projects going on and we had a lot of verbal assignments -- and I really hated those lol. So then in the mornings just before school I'd sit in the cold shivering, but also shivering at the same time from anxiety. At that time things weren't running very smoothly at home as well, and then when I would be going back home from school, I would also experience anxiety as I didn't know what to expect when getting home. So it was just cold, cold, cold -- anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.

The cigarette smoking also didn't help, from the perspective that I wasn't smoking and being here -- using the smoking as a form of self-support to ground myself -- but instead used it as a distraction and suppress what I was experiencing which only further integrated the point into my physical even further.

And basically since then, each time it's cold I go into anxiety.
What a fuck up.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the coming moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in anxiety of what may (and thus also may not) be coming next

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be in control of the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear not being in control of the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be in control of how I experience myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by wanting to be in control of the future in order to be in control of what and how I experience myself -- I am confirming my position as a slave to my environment, where I am doomed to react to whatever inputs received from my surroundings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed myself in a position where I am a slave to my environment, in terms of events occuring and me being doomed to react to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate reaction within myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by anticipating reaction in the future, I am in fact scripting reaction into my own future as a self-fulfilling prophecy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of reacting within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that through fearing my own fear, all I am doing in fact is fearing myself, as I am the source of fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I am the source of fear, I can direct the fear as it is implied that I am the creator of the fear which I fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to direct myself as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my environment to provide me with a specific input to stop my fear -- again confirming my slave status -- instead of moving and directing myself to stop my own fear, to in essence: stop myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the power to direct myself as how I experience myself within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no way that I can direct my inner-experience, and that I must thus resort to trying to control my environment in order to manage my inner experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to manage my experience indirectly, through manipulating my environment so that it would send me the right signals telling me it's okay to stop fearing now

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to DIRECTLY change my experience within myself


I commit myself to get to the bottom of this anxiety construct so that I do not longer place myself in a position where I experience myself as a pinball, being thrown around upside down and side to side, where lots of buttons get pushed and lights go on as a result of reactions and conditioning

I commit myself to forgive myself in order to release myself and let go of this anxiety construct as it is in no way necessary to hold on to such a point

I commit myself to stop worrying about the future within the realisation that the only room for direction exists HERE and that worrying about the future only results in me having an unpleasant experience

I commit myself to ground myself whenever I experience anxiety and to no longer just "go with it" as if it has become a normal experience of "Oh yes, it's cold -- here comes the anxiety, let's just hope it gets warm soon so I don't have to be bothered with this"

I commit myself to take responsibility for what I experience inside myself and to no longer expect my environment to sort me out -- only I can sort myself out

I commit myself to not suppress any experiences such as feelings and emotions but to address them as they come up in and to not allow them to accumulate over time, allowing the problem to only get worse and worse -- within the knowledge that this point has to be faced some day so I might as well make that day TODAY

I commit myself to release myself from the chains of fear and anxiety as self-imposed limitation and explore what is possible when one is no longer caged in fear

I commit myself to the 7 Years Process to Life to assist and support myself in deconstructing redundant and self-destructive programming and replace it with a script which serves in support for what is Best for All Life

Day 7: Letting Go of Fear

This is a continuation to: "Day 6: Fear of Something Going Wrong & Wanting to be in Control"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the event of TweeTweet's death imprint a fear within me of "fear of things going wrong with pets"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not properly deal with the loss of a pet and within that allow this event to have a major impact on my life in terms of how I want to be in control in relation to pets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have immediately reacted to my experiences of loss as "I do not ever want to experience this again" and within that set myself up in a way to avoid any and all possible situations and combinations of factors which could lead to the loss of a pet

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this is not a solution in terms of dealing with the loss of a pet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instantaneously suppress the event and focus my energy towards "not ever experiencing this again" instead of pushing myself to deal with the experience so that I do not have to go through it next time it happens (instead of wanting to avoid/hide from such situations)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with pets from a starting point of fear and anxiety

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that participation stemming from fear and anxiety is not real participation -- as I am not experiencing the moment as is -- but a modified reality version created within my own mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within fear back chat as "I hope they're not dead" and then act upon that backchat through checking up on the parrots randomly to check that they're still alive

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this only further feeds my backchat and will only make the situation worse inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear as nauseousness upon seeing blood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the picture of blood with the idea of "nightmare" within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between the sight of blood and "experiencing a nightmare" within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions when seeing blood -- where I immediately expect worse-case-scenario

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ruled by emotions and feelings when it comes to injured pets instead of common sense evaluation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about not having been there when the Parrots got hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about not having been there when TweeTweet drowned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should have been there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be around my pets as much as possible so that I can be there when things happen or be there to prevent things from happening

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this is no way of living life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of my pets through my fears of something happening to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within myself  -- whenever I am faced with an injured bird -- that the bird will probably be dead by the morning so that I am "prepared" in case it happens, where I told myself that this was going to happen anyway, where I do not want to think of the bird being ok/making it because if he then doesn't then I will feel worse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at pets only in terms of how I feel and how I experience myself and not how whatever is happening might be affecting the pet in question


I commit myself to investigate my reactions and experiences of past events when being faced with the loss of a pet

I commit myself to investigate all suppressions in relation to fears to do with pets

I commit myself to release myself from all anxieties and fears related to taking care of animals

I commit myself to be here in the moment when participating with pets

I commit myself to lay out for myself my alternate created reality of the world inside myself and to remove this alternate version of reality layer by layer until I am able to see what is really here

I commit myself to the stopping of backchat inside myself and within that commit myself to act upon common sense rather than nonsensical emotional experiences

I commit myself to remind myself that backchat and emotions have no real value in terms of the physical reality and only make things unnecessarily complicated for myself and those around me

I commit myself to removing all triggers and connection in relation to seeing blood

I commit myself to adopt a common sensical approach towards working with pets instead of a mind reality bubble of fear and anxiety as an added layer upon actual reality which only clouds and blurs my view

I commit myself to do what I can do provide the optimal environment for the pets in my care from the starting point of what is Best for All

I commit myself to let go of fear and wanting to be in control as this does not actually make a difference in terms of what is possible

I commit myself to remind myself that there are those which I can do to prevent harm from happening and that there will be circumstances where factors lie beyond my control -- and since they are beyond my control, there is nothing I can do and it is completely useless to worry about it

I commit myself to remind myself to live every moment to the fullest with the animals in my environment until I no longer can

I commit myself to redefining the word "death" as no longer containing a negative loaded emotion and conception but where death is simply another phase one goes through within one's life experience -- moving from one dimension to another

I commit myself to the ceasing of manipulating myself with thoughts as anticipation, expectation and hope in order to control my emotional experience

I commit myself to face my emotions when faced with them

I commit myself to not hide from my experiences