Day 242: Stepping out of Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to validate my fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become addicted to fear and the alternate reality it opens up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used my fears and anxieties as a way to guide and direct me that it feels unnatural 'not to' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the future needs to be foretold and be known 100% before I can walk it

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I could not have in any way predicted where I am today and the path I have walked and yet: I am here

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it takes discipline to condition myself and my body into fear and that it takes discipline to say No in every moment to get out of the experience 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it takes time to walk through the layers of the onion -- to be patient with myself and yet not use 'it's not going fast enough / it's not all sorted 'here and now'' as an excuse that 'it's not working' -- within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live both patience and perseverance in equal measure - where I tend to either be 'too patient' where I let time pass but without the dedicated movement and action of myself or where I am being forceful and hard with myself cause I want to get it done 'here and now' and then react that it's not done in 'one moment' as 'one decision' as it's a decision I have to make and live again and again and again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself when I am making changes -- thinking and believing 'no this can't be it' and then plunge myself deeper into the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply a solution consistently enough to see what comes of it and actually take myself through to the other side