Monday, 26 September 2016

Day 229: Guilty until Proven Innocent & The Mathematics of Self-Trust

The other day I was in a discussion when the topic came up of how to work with points that are pointed out by someone else.

In my own process, when someone would point something out that they saw in my words and behaviour – I’d sometimes get this ‘surge’ movement inside of myself coming up where I felt compelled to disagree and set the record straight.

This surging experience I interpreted as being a movement of self-trust, that ‘I know what I’m experiencing’ and that ‘I know where I stand’.

After some trial and error and discussions – I realised that this movement was not at all ‘self-trust’ – but an energetic experience of unquestionable self-righteousness. I also learnt that self-trust – is not an experience. It’s not an experience or feeling of ‘blind faith’ of ‘just knowing’. Self-trust wasn’t so much a ‘decision’ either (like – “I am going to trust myself from now on!). Self-trust is more of a verb – it requires certain actions for you to take.

You wouldn’t just blindly loan out money to a stranger. You’d want to know them, and have a sense of their track record.

The same goes with Self-Trust – it’s not enough to simply ‘experience’ and ‘believe’ that you’re trustworthy – you need to be able to show yourself a track record.
And that track record is your self-investigation, you testing points out, seeing what the feedback is, and specifying your application accordingly.

With being really good at deceiving and sabotaging ourselves, what I started to use whenever someone pointed something out to me -- is to use the principle of ‘guilty until proven innocent’.
I’ll assume that I was in a reaction, a movement, or some form of misalignment – check myself, check what I was looking at, what I was doing before, anything that may have led to developing an experience in the current moment and anything that led to having created my current stance.
Maybe I find something that was not aligned – maybe I don’t. If I do, I can work on it to specify myself, and if I don’t – I can use the information I tracked down within myself to discuss the point further with the person, and so learn to specify my communication (which means that in a way, something was still misaligned!)

It can be handy to have a tagline or a specific Living Word you bring up in those moments – as it’s easy to get lost in an experience and ramble over all the reasons and justifications of ‘why I said what I said’, ‘why I saw what I saw’. To for a moment just shove all the talking aside – remember the decision I made in walking this process, to be humble, to remember the dedication and persistence it takes to work through every little cranny of the mind – to not take anything for granted.

It only takes one moment of being unaware, one moment of letting something slip by, taking something for granted – and before you know it you’re on a slippery slope in altering your entire perception about reality. It kind of reminds me of working though math equations in high school. Where if you make one mistake, in one little variable that you didn’t quite move correctly – the whole path the equation takes and end result is COMPLETELY different to what you end up seeing on the blackboard as the version the teacher worked out correctly. Where it just takes that one little teeny weeny mistake to create a HUGE disparity between what you worked out and what it is in reality.

Same with the mind. If you’re not aware of every breath in every moment, keeping track of your every movement, correcting the mistakes as you catch them right then and there, unless you got yourself covered every step of the way – how can you be trusted? How can you be sure that how you’re looking and seeing things isn’t like a math equation that quietly went astray without you noticing?

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Day 228: How We Worship False Images & are Self-Blasphemous

I was investigating a pattern of Self-Compromise within myself where I went back to childhood memories to trace the origin of this pattern and what motivated me to take on this pattern within my life and acting it out.

As I was walking a mini-Mind Construct* on this point, I could see how and why I had allowed Self-Compromise to become such a big part of my life. While I currently experience Self-Compromise to be a ‘very big part of me’, I could see while walking my Mind Construct, that this hadn’t always been so.

I could identify the specific moment in childhood where I had made a particular decision about a direction I would take in my life / a particular ‘role’ or ‘purpose’ that I had assigned to myself which had Self-Compromise has a direct outflow/consequence.

This role/purpose that I had assigned to myself, had been made in separation of myself – where I was aspiring to embody a particular idea/image.

I could see within opening up the point further in my Mind Construct, that in every moment of participating in this role and giving into Self-Compromise, how I was feeding and growing this construct/idea – where initially I as a child had been aware of the decision I had made, and was aware that this ‘is not me’ – to over time continuously participating in the point to where it superseded the ‘real me’ and where I kind of started to forget about this decision that I had made in the past to participate in this construct, and where as time progressed even more, and my ‘real me’ had now been effectively completely suppressed by this construct and others that I had taken on on the way – I now believed that this ‘idea’/’role’ I took on *was me*, and that this was in fact the ‘only real me’ and only ever was and will be ‘the real me’.

As I was applying my Self Forgiveness on this point, it struck me how I throughout my life had actively lived out the point of ‘Worshipping a False Image’ and ‘Serving a False God’ ( because after all, if we are made in the image and likeness of “God”, it means that ‘we are’ “God”). Where I actively served a false image/idea of myself, believing it to be ‘the real deal’ and within doing so, not serving myself as Life, but serving myself as the Mind. This would be: Self-Blasphemy, as we are insulting ourselves and treating ourselves with a great deal of lack of respect within pursuing and maintaining our ‘false images’.

So this was quite cool to see, once again, how we create our limitations and believe ourselves to be all these ideas and images that when you get to the core of it = are actually not. And how within seeing/revealing this creation process for yourself, the simplicity of the realization that you do not have to live-out this particular point or pattern, because you can see/realise that you were never ‘it’ in the first place = is just awesome.

* A Mind-Construct is a specific structured method of Self-Investigation taught within SRA as part of the Desteni I Process

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Day 227: What can we learn from Continuum?

I have been following the Tv-series ‘Continuum’ for a while now, and would like to share a perspective that came up while watching the last few episodes.

For those who are not familiar with Continuum, here a short delineation so you can have some background/context:

The series starts off in the future, in the year 2077. Corporations have taken over the role of government, where a ‘Corporate Congress’ rules. A rebel group (or terrorist group, depending on ‘whose side’ you’re on) called Liber8 tries to fight the corporatocracy in favour of a democracy, but their main players are apprehended and to be executed. As they’re about to be executed, something unexpected happens and they are sent back in time, to the year 2012. With them, one of the cops who was present at the execution, was also sent back. Even though there are no longer in their timeline, the Liber8 group tries to fight the corporations and change the future by changing things in the past/present, while the lady cop still tries to catch them and stop them.

What I find interest about the series is how no particular side is being choses in terms of ‘who the good guys’ are and ‘who the bad guys are’. One could relate to the Liber8 group as being ‘terrorists’ because they are involved in illegal and sometimes violent activities, yet on the other hand they are fighting for democracy and wanting to get rid of a police-state, which is something a lot of people would be able to relate to as ‘being a good thing’.

On the other hand you have the cop who wants to uphold the rule of law, yet what is law is not always what is right or good – so there you have another moral conundrum.

The point both the ‘fighters’ and ‘protectors’ share however, is that they assume they can change the future by altering events in the past. As the series progresses, and especially now in the last few episodes, it becomes clear that even though their best intentions at changing things in the past/present, leads to bad outcomes in the future.

It’s quite fascinating, because the whole time, they are trying to change events or create events, and then hope that by altering this and that point, it will lead to some effect down the line that will make ‘everything better’. The whole point that seems to be missed then, is that it’s pointless to try and change events, try and change ‘who’s in charge’/’on top’ – without people actually changing.

You can have a timeline which is government heavy, and which can be totally unsatisfying and unbearable, while you can also have a timeline where government is basically nil and corporations have free reign, which can be equally inadequate. In the end, it doesn’t matter ‘who’ rules in terms of the polarities and dualities we are used to (corporations vs government, freedom fighters versus police/protectors) – because in the end you are dealing with the exact same thing, which is = human nature. You can go back in time as much as you want and try and change events and hope to have a better future as an outcome, but so long you don’t touch the point of changing human nature, you are merely going to have the same outcome. Because, if you’re only changing events, you’re not really changing anything.

In the series for example, there’s a lot of mention of electronic technology and biotech that can potentially be dangerous for public safety and wellbeing. A drug that can cure Alzheimer’s for instance, can be messed with to become an addictive drug that can ruin people’s lives if addicted. A health monitoring gadget, can potentially become a device for mass control and manipulation.

These are for instance some of the points that the Liber8 group will attempt to ‘stop’ and ‘destroy’ because they are ‘dangerous to mankind’. The thing is, that they’re equally beneficial to mankind.

The Alzheimer’s drug or the health monitoring gadget are in itself not evil. They just ‘do what they do’. It’s is all up to the human element, the ‘who we are’ and what principles we live and stand by, that in the end determines whether we’re going to have a cure for Alzheimer’s or another devastating addictive drug on the street. Just as atomic science was just another area of investigation and exploration to further scientific research, development and knowledge, it was the human who decided to use it in its destructive potential, rather than its constructive potential.

I mean, it makes you wonder doesn’t it, about why we’re here on Earth. All the things that have massive constructive potential, also have great destructive potential. The internet as a recent point of technological innovation can be constructive in bringing people together from all over the world and increasing the speed at which we process and send information – yet, at the same time, it’s also great catalyst of apathy, separation, shallowness and triviality. In the end, it’s not about the internet being either ‘good or bad’, but what we can tell about its users in how the internet is being used.

A health monitoring gadget can be just that: a health monitoring gadget. But it’s about ‘who wields it’, that in the end decides whether the outcome we may observe and witness, is that of creation and support or destruction and subversion.

You cannot change the outcome of a future, by going back in time and ‘prevent this and that from being made’. Because even though these objects may not come into being, the evil that wielded it, is still ever present, and that evil: is us.

We are on a planet with what seems like unlimited potential, yet the only potential we seem interested in developing is the kind that destructs and annihilates, the kind that keeps a few happy while a majority suffer.

We were given dominion over the Earth and all things upon it – yet, we decided to interpret this dominion as domination, where we perceived this to be the permission to submit and subvert whatever and whomever we want at our heart’s whims and desire. However, if you investigate the word ‘dominion’, you will find that it roots back to the Latin word ‘domus’, which means house, home. We were given a choice, to develop, support and take of those living under our house, to embrace all who reside in our responsibility – and yet, without even the blink of an eye passing by, we decided that our dominion meant doing whatever the fuck we want at whomevers expense, and this is exactly what we have been living out, from the dawn of time till now.

There is no point to try and change the past.

There is no point in fighting one another.

What must change is us, who we are, our nature, the laws of our being that we live by
If you agree that we have to change our course of living, check out the Desteni of Living, and change the principles you live by the ones that are Best for All Life, so we may yet create Heaven on Earth.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Day 226: The Thrill of Freedom

Last month my mother came to visit as well as Gian’s parents who came to visit for a long weekend. While they were staying over they were sharing stories of us as small children. Once of these stories consisted of how both Gian and I – each in our own setup as little kids – would be the ones ‘destroying other childrens’ / siblings’ sand castles’.

As my mother was telling the story, I remembered how I experienced myself in those moments.
It was a really strange experience – this typical evil ‘destroying someone else’s sandcastle’. It starts with first seeing someone put all this effort, bucket by bucket, sand heap by sand heap – where every singular action eventually accumulates into this ‘great’ thing as a sand castle. And then for a moment just conceptualizing and playing with the idea of ‘I could just destroy all this’ and ‘I could just undo all of that in ONE single moment’. And that’s where this weird feeling starts creeping in. Because you are able to conceptualize this scenario, you are able to see that you can actually do this and that you could indeed in a single act, a single moment undo everything your brother/sister/friend has built. And inside yourself there’s this inherent ‘feeling’ that this path/scenario is not cool and that you shouldn’t do it. But just because you can feel that you shouldn’t do it – the possibility/ability of you going there and doing exactly that doesn’t cease to exist. So an interesting conflict/friction emerges as you can tell you should and of you going there and doing exactly that doesn’t cease to exist. So an interesting conflict/friction emerges as you can tell you should and yet you can. And this is actually quite confusing – because nothing is stopping you from doing something you know is inherently uncool. And then you start imagining destroying the sandcastle and then you move yourself to actually go there, and oh boy the moment you cross that line, that point of ‘I’m really doing this’ where you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing (and not because someone else told you that it’s wrong , but just because you know you wouldn’t want this to be done unto you) – it creates such a rush of energy, such a thrill – because you’ve just done something which ‘shouldn’t be possible’, you know you crossed a boundary.

Then depending if there’s any adults around, you’d either get reprimanded or only have to deal with a crying sibling/friend, and within that you don’t really learn anything about what just happened and what you experienced.

Because this whole event, is a point of ‘freedom’. I had the freedom to destroy someone else’s sandcastle. And just because I could, I did.

So as a child you are faced with these situations where you can do all these things yet that doesn’t mean that you should to them. And there’s no-one around to explain to you how all of this works (cause your Parents are too busy protecting their own freedom to take advantage of you, so they’re not going to tell you to not indulge into freedom because they know that would just make them look like hypocrites). In the end – the only one that is able to stop you in a moment of ‘freedom’ is you. Freedom is really just a test of character. Freedom is where you are able to set your boundaries. Freedom is not about ‘what you can do’ but who you are and what principles you live by no matter ‘what freedom’ is existent.

And I mean, what are we seeing in the world today? We still have children who in the meantime have grown up to be adults, destroying other children/adults’ sandcastles/work/effort/livelihood. We live in a world where you are able to seize power and place others into submission, where you can place yourself in a position of superiority and exploit another. That freedom exists – but does that mean that you should do it just because you can?

We live in a world of absolute freedom, which really only means that the option, the possibility of abusing one another in the most extreme ways is existent. It’ the FreeDoom to Doom one another – something we’ve been doing quite successfully since the beginning of our existence. Maybe that is what the old Bible story is really telling us, the one about Adam and Eve and the Snake – maybe it’s just there to show us that we ‘just can’t help ourselves’ but making irrational, stupid decisions which are not in our best interest. And even though this story supposedly took place at the dawn of time – we still haven’t changed – we are still unable to live by simple guidelines and principles such as ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’, simply because we’re addicted to the thrill of freedom.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Day 225: Fear of Freedom

While working on re-defining the word 'No' and in general looking at all the particular charges, layers and dimensions I had attached to the word 'No' over the years -- an interesting point opened up (well many opened up lol). This one in particular was a fear point, whereby I had created a fear towards the word 'No' in relation to 'Freedom of Choice' / 'Freedom of Expression'.

Growing up in Belgium, our country was considered to be a very 'modern' society. Part of that meant that we were 'multi-cultural' with many people living in Belgium coming from various different cultural backgrounds and religions. With this, we were taught to be 'tolerant' and `Respectful of other people's beliefs'. Only if we take on such an attitude along with one of 'minding your own business' approach - can we live 'peacefully together'.

When you're being taught all these things, it all 'sound nice' and 'seems to make sense' (because you don't necessarily want other people to question your beliefs). Afterwards in my life, especially during teenage years and later -- this 'Freedom point' and 'having to respect others' freedoms' started bothering me. This was because I would for instance ask someone for help or ask someone to assist me with something, where without their assistance i would not have been able to pursue the point, and they would simply say 'No' and when asking further as to 'why not' -- it would simply be a matter of 'because I don't want to / feel like it'. Or if I would question friends' behaviour I would get a response of 'I can't change who I am' and ' either respect and accept who I am or don't be my friend' type of response.

What I did not like about these points is that I felt powerless within these situations. I could sense something was 'off' but had these rules that we lived by such as 'respect anther's beliefs' and 'respect other people's choices/freedom' which pretty much told me that I was not allowed or supposed to ask questions any further - but leave it at that and would have to merely 'swallow' whatever response I had gotten as this was the collective agreement that had been made. It was really more of a compromise everyone had accepted to live by, where "there's going to be people doing and saying things that you don't like, but as long as you leave them alone they will leave you alone as well and then we have 'peace' ". So we're never really completely satisfied and actually disagree 'but we'll take it' -- and now we have twisted and turned this act of 'just taking it', into some 'benevolent' and 'integrity' dimension -- where it has become a 'good' and 'positive thing' to do -- while it's really just a matter of avoiding each others’ disagreements for the sake of avoiding conflict because we can't really trust each other to behave 'rationally'. So as long as we 'play nice' we do not have to be faced by and with our underlying unpleasant and irrational behaviour. So this whole 'respect another's opinion/freedom/beliefs' is really actually a negative manifestation, as it finds its origin within negativity itself -- but now we've brainwashed ourselves to believe that 'it is a good thing'.

To be continued