Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Day 151: My Way or the Highway

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting
Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?

When and as I see myself react to criticism or ‘negative feedback’ in relation to something I said or did within ‘wanting to not do it at all anymore’ or ‘only doing it in secret’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is not an actual solution, nor is it real change – as I am merely moving to the opposite pole without addressing the issue as a form of protection mechanism and so I commit myself to identify what it is I am trying to protect as self-interest and hear the words spoken to me and align my application to take into consideration all who are affected within what I say / do and not just my own interest

When and as I see myself react upon seeing that I require to change my application to take others into consideration and within that believe that this ‘takes the fun out of it’ where I then rather do not want to do it at all or do it in secret so I do not have to hear / be faced with criticism/feedback that indicates that I should change – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am not allowing myself to be the directive principle within ‘having fun’ as I have placed particular conditions and limitations on fun and self-enjoyment where ‘taking others into consideration’ is apparently ‘not fun’ and something wherein I ‘cannot enjoy myself’, and where instead of seeing and changing this point I go into the opposite of ‘not wanting to do it at all’ or ‘doing it in secret’ and so I commit myself to move myself to integrate self-enjoyment within the principle that is Best for All

When and as I see myself reacting to feedback that indicate that I would have to change how I do things with thoughts such as “If I can’t do it my way then I won’t do it at all” or “What’s the point if I can’t do it MY way” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is a form of spitefulness as resistance to change, reflecting back to me my self-interested nature and unwillingness to take others into consideration and so I commit myself to address my backchat and hear the words spoken/written and expand my self-application to take into consideration others as myself

When and as I see myself react to feedback given to me in relation to something I did or said and react to this within feeling offended / attacked and then only give this experience attention – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in reactive mode and not actually hearing what is being said and so I commit myself to hear / look at the words spoken and whether or not they are relevant to my situation without taking it personal

When and as I see myself react to someone giving me feedback about something that I said or did that indicates that I require to change within feeling attacked and judging the other for what they said within accessing the belief that whatever I do as an outflow of “my expression” should be respected and simply accepted no matter what where in turn I will do the same for others -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that living by such a principle is what got us into the mess of today in the first place and will not get us anywhere and so I commit myself to no longer live by this principle and re-align my behaviour and responsiveness within myself to the principle of what is Best for All – Always

When and as I see myself react to criticism/feedback which indicates a requirement of change within myself within believing that this is unacceptable and an attack on my ‘god given unique expression’ where I did not have a say on ‘who I am’ and thus it is not fair for someone to attack me on this point because it is simply ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is nothing unique about ‘who I am’ as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, as it is merely the result/outflow of particular inputs producing equal outputs and thus there is nothing ‘special’, ‘holy’ or ‘sacred’ about it, as it is merely a matter of simple mathematics and so I commit myself to change my programming and align my response-ability to go beyond the limitations of my programming as how I was brought up in the context of a society of inequality and greed, to structure myself in a way that is Best for All life as the only worthwhile way to be
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Sunday, 23 December 2012

Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection

When and as I see myself noticing consequence within me playing in any form, as the result of how I am playing around but want to ‘hold on’ to my way of doing things even though the feedback I am giving is telling me that it is not working effectively for everyone – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being selfish within wanting to hold on to ‘my way of doing things’ – where I want to have fun the way I want to do it, where I believe that any deviation from MY WAY is a compromise which makes whatever I do NOT Fun anymore, not seeing and realising that I am in fact compromising by not changing as this has consequence for not just me but other people as well and so I commit myself to investigate ‘my way’ and see how I can change things in my approach to make sure that no consequences come about which could have been prevented if only I cared to prevent them

When and as I see myself react to others getting angry or giving me “negative” feedback in terms of how I do things for fun and take this personal within believing that it is ‘not fair’ because ‘I’m just having fun’ and ‘Why can’t they just leave me alone’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am only taking my mind experience into consideration and do not want to give this up and so do not investigate how what I am doing may create damage to others and so I commit myself to unconditionally look at who I am in what I am doing and check whether how I am doing things cannot be done differently without taking it personal as it is just a matter of acting in a way that’s best for all and aligning my application

When and as I see myself react to “negative feedback” in relation to what I do within believing that it is about me personally and that this means that “I am not good enough” and that “I should hide” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely interpreting the feedback given to me and distract myself with thoughts of self-judgment instead of looking at the point, where within giving in to such thoughts and not looking at how I can perfect myself I am actually manifesting myself as ‘not good enough’ as I am deliberately not pushing myself to be the best version of myself that I can be and so I commit myself to stop thoughts of self-judgment and instead simply look at the practical points in terms of how I can specify and expand my application in whatever I do, such as having fun

When and as I see myself in a situation where one is angry at me and I am reacting within fear/anxiety/crying – where I believe that he is wrong just because he is angry which I interpret as ‘exerting power over me’ and believe that I am right simply because I am in fear and crying which I interpret as ‘being a victim’ where a victim is ‘always right’ – where the other is the ‘bad guy’ and I am ‘the poor girl’ – and within that do not look at anything that has been said simply because of this weird-ass conviction – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am allowing myself to be limited in what I see due to belief systems that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me and so I commit myself to investigate my belief systems and remove them to assist myself being able to see the bigger picture and correct myself accordingly

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Friday, 21 September 2012

Day 57: Sound of Laughter


This blog is a continuation to: 
Day 51: Shocking Sounds 
Day 52: Prelude – Don’t take anything for Granted 
Day 53: I Am Robot 
Day 54: Reading Sounds 
Day 55: Sounds as Reference 
Day 56: Fearing Myself

While I was busy working on one of my blogs in relation to the parrots screaming and me reacting to it -- I had another point opening up in relation to me reacting to sound. While I was busy writing, Gian at the desk next to me was busy watching an episode of something and was laughing really hard. He had his headphones on so I didn't know what was funny, all I could hear was him laughing very loudly. So while I was busy doing Self Forgiveness on sound, here I found myself reacting to Gian laughing and having a blast within annoyance and even some anger.

The reaction had to do with thoughts like "It's not fair, he shouldn't be having fun right now -- why is he watching something and having fun, he is wasting his time he should be working".

When seeing this reaction I looked at why I was reacting, and it was basically because I found it unfair how I was experiencing myself within what I was doing, which only got highlighted/emphasized within hearing the sound of Gian's laughter. The 'unfairness' didn't have anything to do with what Gian was doing or how he was experiencing himself as having fun, but how I had decided for myself to experience myself as 'not having fun' as experiencing myself within a 'down' energy and then within hearing the laughter -- this point got thrown into my face and I got upset/annoyed because I did not want to acknowledge that I was in fact the creator of my experience and thus I was responsible for how I was experiencing myself. But instead of seeing this and correcting it, I immediately externalized the point within blame as taking Gian responsible for how I was experiencing myself and justifying it within saying that my experience was due to his behaviour.

So within the next blogs I will take on this point within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements


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