Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Day 55: Sounds as Reference

This blog is a continuation to:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used sound as ‘cues’ – where I relied on sound to tell me ‘what to do’ , ‘how to behave’ and ‘what to feel’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility within letting sounds ‘guide me’ and my participation in reality – where I will move myself according to the sounds I hear and the various meanings I have attached to the sounds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have linked my inner-experience to sound – where I will follow the sounds around me closely and modify/adapt my inner-experience as the sounds change in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used /relied on sound in terms of ‘what to do’ and ‘how to feel’ – where I believed that if I rely on sound as cues in my reality that I will be better prepared / have an advantage when shit hits the fan

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that shit will either hit the fan – or it won’t and so it does not matter how ‘well’ I can read the sounds in the house and within that evaluate the situation – since within that I am just sitting there doing nothing really, and so whether I tie my experience to these sounds or not does in no way whatsoever alter or change what is going to happen and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am at an advantage when I am aware of the sounds in the house and link my experience to them – instead of seeing and realising that within tying my experience to the sounds in the house I am only creating more stress for myself within myself within anticipating ‘something bad to happen’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within ‘anticipating something “bad” to happen’ – I am already placing myself ‘there’ as if it’s already happening, where I am already in fear and anxiety – and thus if I do not like what is about to happen / might happen – yet place myself in the position of ‘already being there’ and having the experience that goes with it – I am in fact sabotaging myself as I am doing unto myself what I fear happening – lol – since I do not fear the actual event which is about to take place, but my experience within it as fear, anxiety and petrification, yet I am already creating and generating this fear, anxiety and petrification – it’s so irrational

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have found myself so ‘clever’ within assessing situations based on sound – where I thought it was so cool that I can assess what’s going to happen just by listening to the sounds in the house – without ever stopping for a moment and seeing/realising how I am in fact trapping myself within this point of sound where for hours on end my experience inside myself would be defined and determined by the sounds in the house where I would be on edge at all times which was NOT a cool experience – yet in some twisted way believed that it was helping me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was assisting myself within the relationship I had created with the sounds in the house – where I believed that within linking my inner experience to the sounds in the house that I was gaining some sense of ‘control’ since I was getting “immediate feedback” within myself based on the sounds and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my inner experience as anticipation as fear and anxiety was in fact the very statement of powerlessness as lack of control´-- yet believed that within ‘being able to tell what’s going to happen based on sound’ convinced myself that I was somehow in control of myself and my environment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that I was actually not able to ‘tell what was going to happen’ – since I could only tell what was happening at the moment of hearing the actual sounds – but I could not tell whether or not shit was going to hit the fan until it was hitting it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have a relationship towards something in my reality, such as a relationship to sound where specific emotions/thoughts/feelings get triggered/activated to particular sounds – that this means that ‘I have control’ within believing that I can place/define the situation for myself from a Mind perspective -- without seeing and realising that even though I give something a label and categorise is in a particular place inside myself -- this does not somehow provide me with control over the situation that will assist me in coping in anyway whatsoever, at best I am constricting/limiting myself to always experience/act based on the compartmentalisation of information which I receive through my senses – in this case: sound


When and as I see myself relying on sounds as ‘cues’ to tell me what to do and how to behave – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am abdicating self-responsibility within allowing sounds to dictate/determine how I feel and behave and so I commit myself to when such moments arrive, to breathe, be here as my human physical body and disengage myself from participating in energetic responses to sounds

When and as I see myself looking for sounds to guide me how to feel/act – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to make something ‘more’ out of sounds – where I’ve placed personal meaning unto the sounds which then dictate how I feel/experience myself and so I commit myself to breathe, be here as my human physical body and to for myself identify the meaning I have given to the sound by which I am accepting and allowing myself to be directed by – and realise myself from this relationship within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I see my inner experience of myself shift according to the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in a programmed response pattern based on memories featuring similar sound aspects – and so I commit myself to breathe, be here and investigate the nature of my reactions and memories from which they emerged within Self-Reflective Writing

When and as I see myself ‘tuning in’ to the sounds in my environment from a starting point of ‘analysing the situation’ within anticipation and wanting to be ‘prepared’/’ready’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am tricking and manipulating myself into a sense of ‘control’ whilst all the while only feeding self-doubt and self-distrust within closely monitoring my environment for ‘cues’ on what might possibly happen next – because I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself totally and completely to stand and be here within any given situation – and where I thus will reach for ‘anticipation’ as a form of ‘preparedness’ without seeing and realising that all I am doing is placing myself in a position of fear and ensuring that if something happens that I will act within and as the starting point of fear and within that miss the opportunity to be self-directive.
And so I commit myself to snap myself out of my ‘anticipation mode’ and allow myself to unconditionally be here within as breath as my human physical body and take things one thing at a time without creating an idea/belief about it beforehand

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I can influence the outcome of an event by obsessively focussing on the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is just another form of ‘Positive Thinking’ where I delude myself that I am apparently making a change through being completely possessed/occupied with interpreting sounds without making any difference to the situation/outcome in anyway whatsoever – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, be here and let go of my obsessive behaviour as I see/realise/understand that I cannot do anything about the situation but can only trust myself to direct myself appropriately when and if the situation arises

When and as I see myself going into fear and anxiety at the prospect of something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that my behaviour is completely irrational within creating an unpleasant experience for myself before anything has even happened – and within that I commit myself to breathe, be here and ground the energy through my feet out of my body and unconditionally walk without allowing myself to be pre-occupied about what might and might not happen in the course of time

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I gain control within tying my inner experience to the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is how I delude/brainwash myself into believing that I am ‘in control’ simply because I have an experience towards something and can relate this experience to memories of the past where I had the same experience linked to the same/similar sound – and that because my memory and current moment share alike features – physical and mental -- that this means that I can predict the future LOLOLOL – which is like, absolute bullshit -- and so I commit myself to stop bullshitting myself and have a good laugh at my own stupidity, Earth myself here and walk moment by moment unconditionally

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I can “predict the future” within being overly aware of the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the only thing which is predictable is myself as a Robot as I’ve programmed myself to execute certain actions such as generating emotions/feeling/thoughts when presented with certain input such as sound – and so within that I can perfectly predict how I will experience myself since I just have to look at my programming but within that however, I am not able to predict the future of the physical reality – and so any predicting taking place is always only taking place in my mind about my mind. I commit myself to stop participating in fake sense of psychic powers as I’ve seen/realised that they are completely non-existent and ground myself here within and as Breath as my human physical body and participate with what is here as this physical reality

When and as I see myself gaining a sense of ‘control’ within tying my experience to sound and experiencing an energetic movement within myself when hearing a sound – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fact placing myself in a ‘controlled condition’ within securing myself within and as memory – where I can be certain that I will only ever experience what I have already experienced in the past as stored experiences linked to memories – and within that limiting/confining myself and my movement as I am not allowing myself to be here and see/assess the situation for what it is but immediately presume that it will be the same as in the past and so re-create the past / impose it unto the present – within that I commit myself to prove to myself that I can live without having an energetic reaction or belief/opinion about things in my world and that I do not need these energetic reactions in order to live my life


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