Sunday, 30 September 2012

Day 66: Valuing my Inner Space

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 62: There Must be Something Wrong!
Day 63: Keeping the Wheels Turning
Day 64: Holding on to Myself  
Day 65: Fear of Sharing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my inner experience as thoughts/feelings and emotions as something ‘sacred’ which defines me, and which is not allowed to be just put ‘out there’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing my inner experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions because I believe that this is what ‘makes me ‘me’ ‘ – and that if someone has knowledge over these points that they can ‘control me’ / have ‘power over me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ‘blasphemy’ to just put ‘out there’ how you feel as how you experience yourself as thoughts/feelings and emotions within the belief that these things are personal, special and sacred and need to stay right there in one’s “inner space” as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my inner experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions are what constitutes as the ‘essence’ of me as a being, and that these need to be protected/safeguarded at all cost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing my experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions because I fear that if they are exposed, bare, naked – others can question these thoughts/feelings and emotions and within that I perceive them challenging my very beingness and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself within putting my experience ‘out there’ for all to see, because now that they are not confined to my ‘inner space’, I do not have control over them in terms of how I see / value them and others can question / value them differently – where I perceive this as being a direct attack to ‘who I am’ as a person/being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my ‘inner space’ where I can let my emotions/thoughts and feelings ‘roam free’ without anyone seeing it – where I believe that this ‘inner space’ is where I can “be myself” – without ever stopping for a moment and questioning why I would want to confine “who I am” and “being myself” to one little space that no-one can see – because this itself raises suspicion towards the nature of ‘who I am’ and ‘being myself’ as thoughts/emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that holding on to my personal space as my ‘inner space’ as the mind where I can let thoughts/feelings and emotions ‘roam free’ – while at the same time fearing these to be ‘exposed’ – indicates to me that what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as, as thoughts/feelings and emotions is not honourable


When and as I see myself valuing my inner experience as thoughts/feelings and emotions as ‘sacred’ as ‘what defines me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these emotions/thoughts and feelings that I think ‘define me’, are merely programs as the result of memory – where in many instances is has been shown to me that one can do without thoughts/feelings and emotions – and so these factors are not detrimental to who one is as a being in terms of ‘defining self’ – as I have clearly seen that when I stop/delete a thought, a feeling or an emotion = I am still here. And so I commit myself to remove all the layers of ‘who I believe myself to be’ as thoughts, feelings and emotions within myself – and to discover what it means to be here as the physical

When and as I see myself going into fear when I am presented with an opportunity to share myself as how I experience myself as thoughts/feelings and emotions – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that my fear merely indicates my relationship towards these points within self-judgment and taking these points ‘personal’ – and so I commit myself to allow myself to share unconditionally so I can see for myself what it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, to re-evaluate my living according to these programs/instructions and to rewrite them in alignment with what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself reacting within a sense of “Blasphemy!” when faced with a situation where I am asked to ‘put myself out there’ or seeing another being asked to ‘put themselves out there’ as how I / them experience self in terms of thoughts/feelings and emotions – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that as long as there is any point of hiding or secrecy in relation to what goes on inside one’s “inner space” that this constitutes a problem – and so I commit myself to clean up my inner space as the mind to make sure that I do not live by / consist of programs as thoughts/feelings and emotions which do not serve what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself playing out the belief that my inner experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions are what constitutes as ‘my essence’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that currently yes, these consist as ‘my essence’ as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be – but this points as thoughts/feelings/emotions are not absolute, in the sense that I can change my acceptances and allowances – and thus my essence will only ever reflect who I am within every single moment of breath – and so I commit myself re-align my acceptance and allowance within the principle of Oneness and Equality as what is Best for All life, within walking every moment of breath and checking myself / my inner experience to make sure that I am not participating in something which I do not want to be representative of

When and as I see myself going into the feeling of ‘I have to safeguard/protect the privacy of my experiences at all cost’ within a starting point of fear – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience is indicating to me that I am still accepting and allowing experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions which are not cool – otherwise I would not want to keep them secret/safe from others and so I commit myself to investigate the nature of each and every single experience and realise myself from thoughts/feelings and emotions within daily writing and Daily application within every moment of Breath

When and as I see myself going into the fear of having my inner experience laid bare / exposed for others to see – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is no point having a relationship with my inner experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions in terms of valuing/judging them in a particular way, since they are merely the result of years of programming through the integration of memories – and so I commit myself to remind myself that what I am working with are merely faulty scripts which require re-writing / correcting and so I move myself to investigate my scripts and re-write them to what is Best for All Life


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