Day 208: Freedom and Limitation - Two Sides fof the Same Coin

Continuation to:
Day 206: Uncovering the Mysteries of Self: Just Follow the Money!
Day 207: Buying Power and the Idea of Freedom
Continuing from my previous blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined freedom for myself within a limited experience of me buying something without having looked/investigated how freedom is in fact limited by money as the money system we live by -- where this actually exists as the very definition of limitation and a violation to freedom within the context of human rights

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that freedom is just the one side of a polarity construct, where one can only have freedom in conjunction with limitation/restriction -- and thus I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my momentary experience of 'freedom' with money was only the result of my otherwise more long lasting experience of limitation/restriction in relation to money, but where I failed to see/acknowledge this dimension in relation to money and only focused on the 'good' and 'positive' as the 'freedom' I would experience when buying something

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only way I was able to have an experience of 'freedom' in relation to money as 'being able to buy things', was because of an inherent feeling/experience of limitation/restriction that existed due to the absence of money as a medium to get things I wanted, where I got so 'used to' and 'accustomed' to the 'negative side' of money that I had 'normalized' it within myself and thus not questioned the point -- so that when I was presented with a postive side / expeirence in relation to money, I embraced it with open arms and accepted this as the 'new face' that money was going to carry for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have built up the desire to buy things that I wanted simply as a side-effect of not having been able / having had the means to get myself things, where the more I experience limitation/restriction in relation to money, the stronger the desire/want grew for the positive experience in relation to money as 'freedom' -- where I believed that  'being able to and buying something I want' was the ultimate expression of freedom in relation to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been angry at / upset with my parents for not giving me money / more money -- not seeing and realising that they, just as me, were suffering from money paranoia, where the struggle between freedom and restriction/limitation in relation to money kept them in fear and friction wherein they decided that it was better to be restrictive with giving money to the children so they can possess more freedom within being in control of the money supply within the family -- and thus I cannot be angry at them or blame them as they were just like me 'seeking freedom'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted the way money exists within this world and the paranoia attached to it, where I merely made the necessary calculations to 'work my way around it ' instead of question money and the paranoia that exists around money and investigating/finding out how one can change the way money exists in this world so we may remove our relationship of paranoia/terror in relation to money -- where money is no more a tool to keep one in constant friction but a tool to facilliate and support the existence of life on earth

Related articles

• Day 207: Buying Power and the Idea of Freedom
• Positivity is like a Drug: DAY 201
• Day 198: Negativity as Freedom
• Day 401: Thinking is for Losers
• Day 211: Wonder
• Day 397: Paranoia and Stopping the Mind
• Day 163: Staying the course of self honesty
• I am Insecure, What do you think of me - Day 346
• Day 235: Calling the Beast by it's Name - Breast Cancer - The Cancer Paranoia - Day 20

Day 107: Showing my True Colours

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 106: Regret 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear upon seeing the pups in the box, where I saw that it was not cool that these pups are here in a box with no food, no water – and that this situation obviously requires direction, where upon looking at what to do next and how things might possibly play out – I went into fear of what my parents will say about me taking the pups home to show them and see what we can do for them and feared it being a problem on the train where I didn’t want to get into trouble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into a point of stuckness when seeing that the train and my parents could be a possible problem/obstacle – where I looked at the intensity of the fear and the intensity of wanting to help the pups – and then decided that the fear had ‘more weight’ than me wanting to help the pups, and so I decided to walk away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I was looking at how to ‘take it from here’, have reacted to the possible point of the train and my parents being a problem – where I reacted to the person who checks the people on the train as being ‘authoritative’, and my parents as being ‘authoritative’ where their decision is the ‘final one’ where I did not trust myself to give a common sensical explanation to either one of them and then based on that decided for myself that it was ‘not worth it’ and ‘I shouldn’t bother’ because I did not want to place myself in a position faced with authority figures and ‘going against them’ and not being confident

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that it was not worth for me to walk through and face my fears in order to be certain that the pups had been given direction and went to a safe place – where instead I decided to hold on to fear as self-limitation and walk away from the pups, walk away from the certainty that they will be okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within that moment have chosen self-interest as holding on to fear as fear of self-change – where I did not want to move out of my comfort zone for the sake of others' wellbeing, but instead chose to not change, and take the chance of the pups being worse off than what they already were

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attempted to sooth the shame within, where I would ‘build my case’ inside myself as thoughts/backchat, where I would think things like “Someone else will probably find them and take care of them”, so that I could justify my decision of walking away and distracting myself from the point of not wanting to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only afterwards change my mind, where I was feeling bad and based on the ‘feeling bad’ decided that I should check up on them – where I went to check where they had previously been and they were gone – where I first went “Oh shit” but then told myself, “Naaah, you see, someone took care of them, they’ll be alright” – while I actually did not have a clue what happened but just gave myself the answer that would make me feel the best about myself and make me forget about the event all together – where everything was seemingly ‘okay’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the fear of facing authority override common sense practicality and care – where I rather jeopardized the lives of other rather than having to face myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within that moment, my true face was shown – where I cared more about fear and maintaining self-limitation than Life

Related articles

• Day 165 - Justifying is Fighting for Limitation
• Day 155 - Am I ready.
• Day 174 - Postponing
• Day 152 - Fear of Living
• Day 147 - Living Commitments - Day 18 of 21 - False Image and Likeness
• Day 72: I Can't do This!