Day 202: Personalizing Bad Grades

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 199: Exam Nightmares
Day 200: I Don't Do Bad Grades 
Day 201: Classmates or Competitors?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access fear of failure whenever I am studying within accessing the 'race'/'competition'-point, where I fear for myself and my future just thinking of the possibility of bad grades

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'the end of my future' / 'the end of the world' to 'bad grades' within an emotional attachment of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and attached an emotional attachment/layer to 'bad grades' as in 'grades just above passing' or 'failing grades' -- wherein I react to it in fear and despair instead of practically analyzing what feedback these grades give me and how I can change/adapt things to 'improve' them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'failure' to 'bad grades' where I believe that only 'failures' do 'bad grades' and that 'bad grades' is a bad omen for 'future failures' / ensures 'future failure'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take bad grades personal, where instead of practically looking at how I got to have bad grades, I am worried about my image and reputation, whereby now I don't only fear 'the end of the world' as my 'future being in jeopardy' but also the 'end of my image' and 'end of my reputation' -- where I believe I have to keep my bad grades hidden/ a secret so that no-one can find out that I don't match the image/reputation I try to uphold

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this has got nothing to do about 'others' but only myself -- where I am the one investing energy and placing value in the idea of 'not having bad grades' -- where I may just as well not invest energy and value into the idea resulting in me not having issues with bad grades, and simply working through the necessary steps/procedures to correct this point -- within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is my emotional attachment / view of grades that is keeping me /hindering me from practically working through the correction of improving myself, as I am being blindsided by emotional outbursts, preventing me from seeing to the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so invested in a miniscule point like grades, where my whole being will shake if I see the sight of bad grades -- but where if I later that day see the news with people being bombed I will feel nothing in comparison -- indicating to me how our value systems have become completely warped and have lost all perspective about what really matters

Related articles

• Day 201: Classmates or Competitors?
• Day 200: I Don't Do Bad Grades
• Day 344 - Kids at work.
• Day 321 - Falling behind on daily Blogging, getting up, moving forward
• Day 338 Self Interest is Ignorant to consideration. Part 3
• Father to be - Day 332 Part 6
• Facing The Sins of the Father to Be - Define Father Part 3 Day 328
• Father to be - Preparing the way Day 330 Part 4
• Day 345 - Prioritizing my Time.
• Father to be - a new way Day 331 Part 5

Day 118: The Power of Thought: Time Warp

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 117: The Power of Thought

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about how long things take to do

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the ideas I have about how long things take and see whether my ideas actually match reality -- where within not checking and cross-referencing my ideas I can allow myself to use my ideas to my advantage as the 'only info' I have to go on within making time-related decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ideas about time 'trustworthy', where if believe that something will take me 'long', that this must be correct based on past experiences with the same task

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am not yet in a position to make decisions on what I can and can't do based on 'how long I think it will take' -- because of how I experience time and it being relative to whatever it is that I do, where whatever I dislike doing always will seem 'so much longer' than those things that I like doing -- where these experience should show me that I am unable to make correct assumptions about time and as such I should not accept and allow myself to make decisions based on how long I *think* something will take -- but to actually do it no matter whether it gets done within the open time-frame and actually check how long it takes so that I can stop manipulating and sabotaging myself with 'ideas'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my time perception is clearly biased by my particular likes and dislikes related to tasks -- where things I do not like doing will be categorised as 'taking a long time', so that whenever I have an opening to do something and see that I require to do something which I do not like, I can tell myself that 'now is not the right time', and get away with not doing what it is that I don't want to do based on a distorted idea of time

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I see something needs to be done and think about how long it will take, that I am not actually looking at how long it will take, but merely measuring/checking my level of resistance towards the task at hand -- where the more I resist it, the longer it will apparently take to get it done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can calculate how long something will take if I walk the task in my mind, not seeing and realising that time works differently in the mind as the mind jumps around and does not take actual physical points into consideration, but only has thoughts/feelings and emotions as a reference for what I am trying to calculate within my mind -- so that when I imagine myself doing the steps, I see flashes of the steps and experience the level of resistance related to the task which appears the task to be 'loaded' and 'heavy', whereby I connect this experience to 'it takes long'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse time as a guide to structure my day to day activities from the starting point of justifying my actions as the decisions I make to do or not do particular things, where instead of simply doing what needs to be done from the understanding that what needs to be done is best for me and best for all -- I will first analyze each step/task separately and measure my resistance level and then either do it or not on the false premise that 'it takes to much time' or 'I should rather do this, this fits better right now' -- where I misuse time as an external point to validate my self-dishonesty within knowing that I make decisions based on likes/dislikes and not based on common sense practical care -- where I use time to coverup my actions in order to have a reason to not have to have a look and investigate application

Related articles

• Day 99: Stress Management - Part 2
• Day 205 - Me against myself in Rebirthing myself as Life.
• Day 105: Human Liberties
• Day 15 - The Game of Recognition
• Day 73: What do I feel like doing?
• Day 3 - Walking Through Resistance