Monday, 8 October 2012

Day 73: What do I feel like doing?

This blog is related to:
Day 61:  Self-Disappointment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I require direction in terms of what to do next – to look inside myself and see ‘how I am feeling’, where I will assess how I feel and accordingly determine/choose what to do next, based on the particular mood as energy I find myself within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I require direction and need to decide what to do next – to look inside myself in terms of ‘how I feel’ and ‘what I feel like doing’ – where I will accept and allow my mood as energy to determine what to do and what not to do next – without practically looking at what needs to be done and what can be done with the time/space that I have available

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on energy as positive and negative experiences to tell me / dictate what to do, where I immediately, automatically look inside myself and how I experience myself to tell me what to do next

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this form of decision making constitutes a problem as I am accepting and allowing my actions to be completely random, based on whatever emotion/feeling I happen to be experiencing within that moment – which renders me completely untrustworthy to make decisions which are Best for All, as I will accept and allow energy as positive/negative experiences to get the better of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I require direction in what to do next, and look inside myself and my inner-experience as a guide/compass to ‘steer’ me in the right direction, act upon this experience as positive/negative where I know that I shouldn’t as I’ve seen and realised that if I make decisions based on energy that I am merely further integrating and permeating this particular energy within and as me and making it harder for myself to snap out of a particular state of mind / mood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based on energy even though I know that I am compromising myself within doing this, and knowing that I will regret what I am doing – all for the sake of the ‘feel good’ experience of going along with energy within telling me what to do

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be true to myself within seeing and realising that what I am doing as basing my decision/direction upon energy and afterwards being disappointed with myself/ regretting it -- is not serving me in any way whatsoever but only further adding layers self-disappointment unto myself where I then later go and act upon that experience as energy where I will even further go an follow emotions/feelings to tell me what to do within the attempt to ‘get rid’ of my self-disappointment without ever looking at the root cause of my experience of self-disappointment within deliberate self dishonesty

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have made the decision to commit myself to myself within being true to myself and not allowing myself to participate in behavioural patterns which I know do not serve me, but to stick with what I see and realise needs to be done and then act accordingly without allowing myself to be tempted/persuaded by energy to steer me down the rabbit hole

When and as I see myself in moments where I require direction about what to do next and go into an automated movement of wanting to look inside myself to check how I am feeling as energy to see what to do next – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within basing my decisions upon energy I am not moving myself within the consideration of what needs to be done within the limited time available – where I instead go and follow energy and waste my time and afterwards feel bad / disappointed because I actually wanted to get something else done but didn’t do it simply because in that moment I “didn’t feel like it” And so I commit myself to within those moments catch myself and redirect my focus from going inwards into energy to grounding myself here as my human physical body and to practically look at what needs to be done within the time I have available and direct myself accordingly

When and as I see myself going into a movement of ‘looking inside myself’ within wanting to assess the energy state I am in as either positive or negative experience, to tell me what to do next – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is the first step down the rabbit hole where I go and access energy to tell me what to do and so I commit myself to stop right and bring myself here within and as breath and direct myself within practical common sense

When and as I see myself reaching inside in terms of assessing my mood to tell me / determine what to do next – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise where this pattern takes me and that I do not want to end up in self-disappointment, and so I commit myself to stop right there, breathe, have a look at what needs to be done and then move myself to do it regardless of what I am experiencing and I commit myself to identify the particular state of mind / mood I find myself in and investigate the nature/origin of this experience so that I can assist myself in releasing myself from this pattern which only serves to create an opinionated illusion about reality

When and as I see myself requiring to make a decision about what to do next, and look inside myself to see what my energy wants me to do, where I am about to make a decision about based on energy even though I know I shouldn’t – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is the perfect opportunity to NOT make a decision based upon energy which I am so clearly demonstrating to myself within KNOWING that I shouldn’t and so I commit myself to move from a KNOWING to a DOING within practically moving and disciplining myself to not participate/engage within the particular energy experience and instead look at what needs to be done and do it

I commit myself to myself within being true to myself and not allowing myself to participate in behavioural patterns which I know do not serve me, but to stick with what I see and realise needs to be done and then act accordingly without allowing myself to be tempted/persuaded by energy to steer me down the rabbit hole


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