Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Day 74: What do I feel like doing? – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 61:  Self-Disappointment
Day 73: What do I feel like doing?

Yesterday after horses I found myself heaving a massive headache. I started massaging myself and the pain started shooting in all these various directions, it was pretty painful. I was going to get Gian to massage me but then the pain got so bad that I went to lay down and sleep for a while. Most of the time I get headaches from working outside the sun/heat and then drinking lots of water and a little nap usually sort it out. So I wanted to see if a nap would sort out the headache, but when I woke up I was still in the same amount of pain so then I ended up sleeping until the next day.

Now when I woke up, I was still in pain LOL, so I had just slept most of my evening a way in the hope that my body would just sort out the headache, and then when I woke up it was still there. Some of us started waking up earlier because the sun comes out very early, to do some extra work in the nursery every day. So now today when I woke up, the first thought was “Noo, don’t wake up, go back to sleep, you still have this massive headache – just don’t go out and work….”

But then I looked at it, yes I still have a headache and I am still in pain and all this sleeping/resting didn’t work out for my headache. So I decided to get up and go work in the nursery – resting/sleeping didn’t assist so I didn’t have anything “to lose” by doing some work in the nursery.

The first 5 min were pretty hectic, and my head was feeling bouncy, but then as I got into it (I was pulling out weeds and moving bags around so the grass would be able to be cut), and forced myself to be here, breathe, be here as the movements of the picking up of the bags, placing it down, pushing the wheelbarrow – I could feel the headache starting to move, like something had been clogging up my flow inside my body and whatever clogged it now got loose and as it started to move/flow through the body it started crumbling down.

So this was cool to see, how in relation to my previous blog, I failed the test – where I allowed myself to ‘go with the pain’ as a negative energy – where just because the pain is pretty real in the sense that it is very noticeable (compared to just being in a particular mood) I didn’t pay attention to it as being an ‘energy’ and an ‘energy’ that I would base my decisions one – where I saw it as something ‘real’ and that I can’t just ‘go against it’ by staying up and working – so clearly I was wrong.

Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to follow

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