Day 231: The Disempowerment of Hope – What are you Waiting for?

For a while now I have been going through all the various recordings Bernard has made throughout the years in order to sort through the content and compile them into books by topic. The History of Desteni – Volume 1 being the first such publication. While going through the interviews and deciding how to sort them, I often come across interviews that ‘hit me home’ in terms of a particular point or dimension I am walking and investigating for myself.

This time, it was a discussion on the word: Hope.

It was particularly timely as I had also listened to the latest Life Reviews Holding Back and Imprisoning My Life Part 1 and Part 2. If you haven’t listened to them, I strongly suggest you do so as it gives extra angle/perspective into the particular topic of this blog. (If you don’t have them, leave a comment along with your e-mail address and I might gift it to you ;-) )

Hope – for many a word with a very positive connotation. The little light that shines at the darkest hour. In recent days, maybe even weeks, I have been looking at my relationship with Hope and in how many ways and forms I participate in hope – without necessarily being aware that it constitutes as hope. 

At first, I was using hope as a way to move myself. 

That things may not be as bad as they look.

That anything could happen at any time that would turn things around 180 degrees.

That maybe something exciting will happen during my day that I may not know of – and it’s just waiting to happen, so I better get out of bed!

It worked for a while, I got myself moving, dived into projects, enthused that great things would be coming my way.

But then – my schedule would fall in the water (which is kind of a chronic condition when you have a toddler) or things beyond my control would freeze my efforts. Or I worked really hard on something and the results were naught. The next day – I was experiencing what I dub a ‘Hope Hangover’.

I didn’t quite understand my experience. I had been ‘so full of energy’ (well, that should have already made some bells ring *oops*) the day before and I had ‘such a positive outlook’ – why was I feeling so low and exhausted today? On a purely physical level – there was nothing that could explain my drained experience. I hadn’t been overexerting myself, Cesar managed to not use me as a mattress for most of the night resulting in a pretty good night’s sleep – everything was working out quite okay in my reality – so why this crash?

I didn’t figure it out until later that night, when I slowed down in bed before sleeping and went over the last few days in microscopic detail. I hadn’t realised how much I had been participating in hope because I hadn’t actually used the word ‘hope’ in any of my thoughts. I hadn’t even been participating in verbal thoughts all that much. And then I realised how many small positive movements occurred within me throughout the days. Where I may be thinking of something, and simply because the particular object of my thoughts has a positive energy charge attached to it – I’m actually going into an experience of Hope.

Or maybe I am scrolling through Instagram, and a particular picture triggers a slight positive reaction inside myself – so slight, so undefined – it’s a pretty picture, of course I should admire it, right? Getting excited about a project idea that’s come to mind. Seems innocent enough right? A slight positive experience as I start working through my to-do list. Well, I should be positively moved – I am being all productive and shit, right? This is how successful people get things done! Yeah, role model stuff happening right here.

Right?

Or maybe not.

Maybe all that positivity is just there to cloak what’s really going on inside: fear, powerlessness and most of all =  a lack of self-trust.

The hope that – maybe if I was living that person’s life things would be easier for me.
Why?
Because I don’t trust that I can change despite what environment I am in

The hope that if I work on this project we can bring more people into the Desteni group.
Why?
Because I fear that people don’t move themselves to investigate things unless they are prompted to, as I don’t trust that I can move myself out of my own self-will.

The hope that if I keep myself busy and diligently work through my to do list that people will be inspired.
Why?
Because I haven’t established the trust to be passionate myself through sheer common sense and understanding. That's why I move from fear instead of understanding.

Now, I’m not saying one shouldn’t like things on Instagram, not come up with any ideas/new projects or not work through your to-do list. The point I am making is that our starting point in how and why we engage in our reality determines how we will experience ourselves and move ourselves.

What if I am ever forever stuck in the living conditions I have now? What if things don’t get better, but worse? Will it change who I am? Will it change what I stand for? Does it mean I will give up on pushing for a better world for all, equally?

What if people don’t come and join Desteni, and we remain a relatively small group – or get disintegrated all together? Does it change anything for who I am and what I stand for? Will I turn my back and submit that the world is ‘just the way it is’?

What if doing my best and getting as many things done as possible does not reap any results? Will I regret how I spent my time? Will I wish that I could have ‘not wasted my time’? Or will I stand by who I am and what I do – unconditionally – regardless of the outcome?

These are small examples of ways where can still be stuck in the Design of Hope. Where we focus on our external reality to (magically) change or suddenly support us – while on a deep level not being there for ourselves.

What are we waiting for?

Are we waiting for things to get better, before we will diligently stop our thoughts and emotions and live in every breath? Or do we move ourselves in every breath because we have proven to ourselves that the old way, the way of the mind for sure does not reap the best benefits for everyone in this world, equally?

Are we waiting for someone else to stand up, to prove that stopping your mind and moving your trust and faith in Life makes things better for everyone in the world including yourself, in fact? Or are we going to be that person for ourselves, because the proof has been in our face countless times – and we have just that mustard seed of self-honour to stop torturing ourselves?

Are we going to wait for Desteni to become more financially successful because money has been deemed to be the ultimate sign and beacon of truth, success and validity in this world (which is a highly dubious conviction in itself)? Or are we going to move ourselves unconditionally because in our being we know that what has become of this world and ourselves is disgraceful and have decided: No More!

The more we hope for circumstances to change ‘for the better’ the more we confirm the belief that ‘I cannot do it’ , ‘I’m incapable’.
And that's why I had a 'Hope Hangover'. Because all my movements had been conditional, to achieve something, to appease something. And when those conditions weren't met -- down, down the rabbit hole you go.

Investigate all the various ways you are still participating in Hope and show to yourself how Abandoning All Hope – to make the decision to develop Trust in Yourself – can be the most empowering move you can make.

Here’s a video by Matti which he made closely after Bernard discussed the word ‘Hope’ :

And here are some blogs I wrote around the same time linking in to this, when I went through tickbite fever:

http://ylaww.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-35-reversing-trust.html

http://ylaww.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-36-self-as-creator.html

Day 129: Doomsday is Upon us!

• Day 232: Creation or Self Creation: Why are we on Earth? - ADC - Part 79
• Day 149: Human Consciousness in the Journey to Source
• Day 213: Human Rats Trapped in an A-Maze-Ment(al) Game
• Day 195: What does it mean to take responsibility for my mind?

 

So, 2012 Doomsday is going to be hitting us soon.
We've had plenty of time to read up about it, decide what version of 2012 we want to go with, had enough time to get excited, hopeful, anxious, fearful (depending on what story you're going with).

I'd say, be hopeful, be positive, be fearful, go into survival -- have the big anticipation moment as the 21st emerges (though this is also a problematic point, what timezone are we going with?) so that when NOTHING happens -- we can all have a nice big crash down to Earth and realise: this is it. No-one is going to save us, we're not magically going to transcend into some alternate dimension, there is no apocalypse that gives us an easy way out of this hell hole we've made for ourselves:

This

is

it
.


So then obviously the question would arise: what next?

You don't need much common sense to see and realise that how we humans are currently living on Earth is not very cool. Are we going to come up with a new magical date that will save us all either through ascension/aliens or complete annihilation -- or will we stop looking 'out there' and face what is here as the shit we've created on Earth?

I mean, what is the point of moving to some alternate dimension when we can't even find it in ourselves now to create a world where we can all co-exist and live harmoniously? We'll just fuck up the 5th Dimension and then what - go to the 6th Dimension and screw that one over as well?

This whole 2012 episode, is just one big distraction. I know, because I once fell for it. I followed the version where we BOTH are going to move to some other dimension AND aliens are going to come and save us. All I had to do was just 'wait out' the time between now and 2012 (which back then was like 5-6 years). I got that I had to 'raise my vibration', so I tried that out for a bit, because obviously I didn't want to be left behind in this shithole. So I did some meditations and visualisations but it didn't really seem to work all that well. During the meditations stuff was supposed to just 'happen' to me and I couldn't get it to happen unless I actually created it and thus faked it for myself. And since it was quite obvious that I was deliberately creating an experience, and could not deny this point -- I stopped trying to get some form of experience or guidance, because it was really just embarrassing how I was attempting to fool myself. So then my meditations simply became points within the day where I'd sit or lay down and just breathe -- this I quite liked.

Since 2012 was going to be happening quite soon, I didn't see the importance in making any long term plans for my life, so I wasn't really looking at studies or whatever because what was the point of preparing for a career if I was going to be ascending to the next dimension by the time my studies were done? So I wasn't really ambitious about anything much and be pretty much bored all the time , just 'waiting' for 2012 to happen.

So then one day, as I was sitting around just kind of sighing and puffing, because this waiting was getting quite tiresome and I had nothing to pursue because it would be pointless -- I went and checked out this YouTube thing everyone was raving about and put in some spiritual keywords so I could watch some videos which might assist me in my frequency raising process.

That's when I came across some Desteni videos -- and oh boy, was I glad that I had found them! I mean, here was someone presenting a message, where you're not just sitting and waiting around for shit to happen to you and where you get saved by some external force -- here was a message, with practical tools that you can apply in your every day life and actually get somewhere with it, both in your personal life and on a global level.

There was also a Desteni video on the whole 2012 phenomena, and I was both ashamed and had to laugh, because it was really clear how stupid and ridiculous this point is that so many participate within. And you know, it's okay that you go there and entertain yourself with these type of things, you didn't know any better. So have fun facing 21-12-12 -- but when it's over and you're still here, know that it is time to face the music and we'll be right here and we can all face our nightmare together and get our hands dirty within taking responsibility for what we've accepted and allowed ourselves to become of our Home -- and move towards harmony not in some alternate dimension, but right here on Earth, and work towards a system of Equality as the Equal Money System and really explore our existence as we have never done before.

You know where to find us.

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