Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food

This blog is a continuation to Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately generate and participate within thoughts which are non-supportive to my physical well-being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forced myself through my mind to turn on myself within composing, generating and participating in thoughts which I knew did not match reality – but did it anyway because I wanted to deliberately make myself disordered

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have practiced having non-supportive thoughts to my physical well-being in relation to food and my body, where I would deliberately over analyse foods from a knowledge perspective and create a relationship with everything single piece of food in my environment as to ‘twist’ its nature – where for instance a banana was no longer a banana but had x amount of calories and was not good for this and that and has so much sugar and it’s a BAD FOOD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deliberately manipulated and twisted my relationship with food by labelling foods from a starting point of ‘what will make me fat’ – without actually understanding how fat is produced in the body and how my human physical body really works in anyway whatsoever – but just go on ‘hearsay’ information about ‘bad’ and ‘good’ foods and create a whole food religion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have deliberately manipulated and sabotaged my relationship with my human physical body – where I was previously quite fine with my body as it’s just kind of here and does what it does – to deliberately meticulously starting to observe, analyse and investigate my body and start labelling and marking all the things that are ‘wrong’ with my body – again based only on ‘hearsay’ information while having no clue what and how the body works and why particular points are manifested within a particular way within only caring about how my body ‘looks like’ and being completely oblivious/ignorant as to the actual workings and process of the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deliberately repeated the same thoughts and thought patterns over and over again until I actually believe them and automatically just ‘pop up’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ignored knowing that what I was doing was fucked up as it was clear that I was sabotaging my well being both mentally and physically for the sake of looking a particular way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I could see what I was doing have gone and delved deeper into thought manipulation as to ‘cover up’ what I saw and throw a bunch of garbage on top of it – where I threw so many thoughts of judgment and manipulation at myself so that I would “calm down” and continue with depriving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately re-shape my perception of myself as to make it easier to abuse myself – to justify it and ‘make sense’ out of it so that I would not have to stop for a moment and question my behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have brainwashed myself into an Eating Disorder

Day 127: Sigh - Part 5

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
Day 126: Sigh - Part 4

When and as I see myself being faced with something that is not going the way I would like it to go, as for instance the internet being slow which would require me to slow down as well – where I see myself taking in an extra long/deep breath in preparation of producing a sigh and making myself feel heavy/weighed down – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise where this pattern leads me and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, slow down and investigate how I can handle things differently

When and as I see myself wanting to sigh to assert my rigidity in relation to something in my reality that I am working with and is not working the way I believe it is *supposed* to work – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that me sighing, being rigid and imposing an experience of heaviness unto me is not going to miraculously change the situation to suddenly become as I would like it to be – where it is in fact doing quite the opposite as I am setting myself up to not find a different way to approach what I am working with and so I commit myself to stop, and investigate what points I have not considered within what I am working with and change my approach

When and as I see myself sighing / throwing a tantrum in relation to something which I perceive to not be going ‘my way’ within the starting point of wanting to hold on to ‘my way of doing things’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I am trying ‘my way’ and it is not working – that this means that ‘my way’ is not effective and should undergo evaluation and so I commit myself to use this opportunity to investigate my self-application and specify myself

When and as I see myself sighing in relation to something that I perceive as ‘not working the way I want it to work’ from the starting point of wanting my sigh to be heard by others and want them to feel bad for me or fix the situation for – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this a form of manipulation and is unacceptable where I want to indirectly get someone to help as to still maintain my idea of ‘my way’ and that ‘my way is the right way’ – and that it is not me that is the problem but the thing or person I perceive as not working/cooperating and want someone else to support this point of view and agree with me that the other is the problem and want their help in the other to change and so I commit myself to stop the moment I see the experience/movement of wanting to sigh within wanting someone to hear my ‘cry’ and check who I am in relation to what or who I am dealing with and change/adapt my approach to get to a point of well functioning

When and as I see myself sighing within an emotional charge of complaining where I sigh very loudly within the belief that ‘things are going against me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within sighing and wanting everything to adapt to me, I am making a statement that ‘I am at the centre of the universe’ and that I am not willing to change and so I commit myself to stop and investigate what such an action/statement says about myself and whether this is a statement/principle I want to live by and direct myself to make the necessary alignments to make sure that I am satisfied with my self-application within the framework of what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself being in a state of inconsideration towards anything or anyone else within my reality, within for instance getting upset when things are not going the way I want them to go – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience indicates to me the extent of Self-Interest I am still accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as within the belief that since I am only aware of myself and what I experience, that I / my experiences are the only thing that matter and worthy of consideration and commit myself to stop this limited self interest to an interest of all Life and all things

Related articles

• Day 126: Sigh - Part 4
• Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
• Day 45: Self-Forgiveness - Work
• Day 97: Don't you just LOVE Complaining? - Part 2
• Day 204: Powerlessness as Abdication of Responsibility

Day 118: The Power of Thought: Time Warp

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 117: The Power of Thought

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about how long things take to do

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the ideas I have about how long things take and see whether my ideas actually match reality -- where within not checking and cross-referencing my ideas I can allow myself to use my ideas to my advantage as the 'only info' I have to go on within making time-related decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ideas about time 'trustworthy', where if believe that something will take me 'long', that this must be correct based on past experiences with the same task

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am not yet in a position to make decisions on what I can and can't do based on 'how long I think it will take' -- because of how I experience time and it being relative to whatever it is that I do, where whatever I dislike doing always will seem 'so much longer' than those things that I like doing -- where these experience should show me that I am unable to make correct assumptions about time and as such I should not accept and allow myself to make decisions based on how long I *think* something will take -- but to actually do it no matter whether it gets done within the open time-frame and actually check how long it takes so that I can stop manipulating and sabotaging myself with 'ideas'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my time perception is clearly biased by my particular likes and dislikes related to tasks -- where things I do not like doing will be categorised as 'taking a long time', so that whenever I have an opening to do something and see that I require to do something which I do not like, I can tell myself that 'now is not the right time', and get away with not doing what it is that I don't want to do based on a distorted idea of time

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I see something needs to be done and think about how long it will take, that I am not actually looking at how long it will take, but merely measuring/checking my level of resistance towards the task at hand -- where the more I resist it, the longer it will apparently take to get it done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can calculate how long something will take if I walk the task in my mind, not seeing and realising that time works differently in the mind as the mind jumps around and does not take actual physical points into consideration, but only has thoughts/feelings and emotions as a reference for what I am trying to calculate within my mind -- so that when I imagine myself doing the steps, I see flashes of the steps and experience the level of resistance related to the task which appears the task to be 'loaded' and 'heavy', whereby I connect this experience to 'it takes long'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse time as a guide to structure my day to day activities from the starting point of justifying my actions as the decisions I make to do or not do particular things, where instead of simply doing what needs to be done from the understanding that what needs to be done is best for me and best for all -- I will first analyze each step/task separately and measure my resistance level and then either do it or not on the false premise that 'it takes to much time' or 'I should rather do this, this fits better right now' -- where I misuse time as an external point to validate my self-dishonesty within knowing that I make decisions based on likes/dislikes and not based on common sense practical care -- where I use time to coverup my actions in order to have a reason to not have to have a look and investigate application

Related articles

• Day 99: Stress Management - Part 2
• Day 205 - Me against myself in Rebirthing myself as Life.
• Day 105: Human Liberties
• Day 15 - The Game of Recognition
• Day 73: What do I feel like doing?
• Day 3 - Walking Through Resistance

Day 28: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever – Part 3

When and as I hear horror stories / see scary movie scenes and react to them within fear – I stop and I breathe – I commit myself to investigate why I am allowing myself to be imprinted with fear and untangle these points within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I am faced with points of potential ‘danger’ and react within fear – I stop and I breathe – I look at what it is that I can do practically, as a common sense point of prevention as to not create any unnecessary consequence for myself, apply these points and then let go of the point of danger --- as I have seen/realised/understood/walked the point that pre-occupying oneself with fear is only worsening/limiting the situation for self and does not have any practical contribution to the problem – and so I let go, breathe and walk Here, in every moment of breath

When and as I see myself reaching for fear as a protection mechanism – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that reaching out to an experience of fear is like locking yourself up in your personal jail in the hope that nothing will happen to you / that you’re safe from the ‘outside world’ – but now within the fear of something happening, you’ve already trapped yourself – and so your own fear is really your own worst enemy – and thus I commit myself to investigate all patterns where I tend to reach for fear as a protection mechanism, write it out , let go and correct myself

When and as I see myself changing/altering my behaviour towards something or someone in my environment after having received a ‘new piece of information’ – I stop and I breathe – I see/realise/understand that I now have created a new relationship / new character in relation to the thing/being where I added my own layer/dimension– and started participating with them/it through this layer instead of participating with them actually, direct – and thus I commit myself to investigate my relationship with all beings, people, objects and remove all the illusionary layers and characters which I have created throughout my life based on memory as stored information – so I can finally allow myself to participate within this physical world for real, and let go of my own ‘personal/customized’ “version” of reality – which was never real

When and as I see myself reacting within fear when having to make a decision – I stop and I breathe – I look at all the points within common sense and make a decision within the moment – and if I find myself unable to consider all points effectively because of fear possession, I get someone else involved to cross-reference the information to make sure that I do not make stupid decisions, and in fact consider all the points/dimensions involved

I commit myself to not make my Life on Earth more unpleasant than it has to be – by committing myself to stop all Back Chat and remove all Characters which I’ve created/accumulated over the years – so I may finally be here, as this physical reality and find out how things work for real

Day 8: Know it All

When I made my first trip to the farm, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how everything worked and that I had a good understanding of the Desteni principles.

 Was I in for a surprise.

 Already on my first day of arrival this turned out to be untrue. Although I had participated quite a lot on the old Desteni forum -- I found out that I didn't know shit. I was faced with an environment where other people were actually applying the principles and this was way beyond what I had conceived through my "knowledge" that I had accumulated. Once more I realised how small my "bubble" really was -- especially when listening to the interdimensional beings telling their stories on cold winter nights by the fire. It's like there's a whole reality right here in front of our eyes -- but we can't see it. All we can see is this world which we call ''reality" which is not even a publicly shared reality but our own private, customization of what we want to see.

 And the only reason why we can't see is because of the accepted and allowed emotions, feelings and thoughts which override the real factual world. And this 'layer' through which we filter everything we see keeps us from seeing what is really going on.

I remember the one night I was sitting in the lounge, and I was going through a particular experience and I couldn't pinpoint what it was (how ridiculous is that anyway, that you as a being can experience things -- and then not know what the hell it is, I mean it’s inside you it IS YOU -- again just showing how limited we are no matter how far gone we are in "history" and no matter how "evolved" we consider ourselves to be). Bernard was in the lounge and the Portal as well -- there might have been some other people around but I can't remember. Then at some point Bernard asked to whoever was in the body to leave and get my liver in.

So there I sat on the couch, facing and talking to my liver (well mostly my liver talking to me). In the meantime Bernard was pushing all sorts of points on my back, triggering all kinds of experiences. My liver would then tell me exactly what I was experiencing and, how come I was experiencing, what past memories were involved -- the whole deal.

I was astonished.

My liver knew freakin more about me than I knew about myself. I mean, do I even know how my liver works or where it even sits inside my body? And here it is explaining to me what I've accepted and allowed myself to become in the nitty grittiest detail. Obviously -- I knew nothing at all.

I highly recommend the available downloads on the EQAFE website and the Heaven's Journey to Life blogs which allow one to have a 'peek' at what actually goes on inside ourselves and the world -- and to assist ourselves in lifting the Veils of our Minds so we may finally SEE and create a World that's Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I know it all”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for my limited awareness and knowledge as “this is it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my perception of the world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that when different people have different perceptions about the world – that this is extremely odd

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my own perception and that of others when I realise that different people have different perceptions – there is only one world – how can everyone have a different version of the same reality we share?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss this observation and instead stand by what “I” perceive and act and live according to that

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my perception, what I see and even more so – what I don’t see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know how I work and that I know how the world works

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I know shit and that I need other people to help me in understanding how the world works and to cross-reference our different “realities” so we can break down all the different various divisions between each one’s own “reality” so we may come back down to Earth and share the same reality as what is actually here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that I could figure things out on my own

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the extent of limitation existent within myself as the mind and that I need other people to assist and support me in challenging these limitations

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I need other people to challenge these limitations – as I have become these limitations and thus do not see them, am not aware of them myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble in accepting and asking for assistance in understanding and seeing how the inner and outer reality really work

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my own liver is superior to me in every single way as it knows exactly who it is and on top of that it knows exactly who I am – I don’t know either

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and dismiss the physical aspect of our reality while this is the very aspect which allows me to live my life and have my illusionary bubble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of what goes on inside me and how I as the mind and the physical actually operate

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit that I need others to assist me with seeing what I have accepted and allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that “my awareness” is completely worthless and actually not awareness at all

I commit myself to investigate my beliefs and perceptions and deconstruct them in order to go beyond the layers of deception and see what is really going on

I commit myself to no longer ignore and dismiss the physical within the realisation that it is the only thing which is real

I commit myself to expose how everyone’s mind bubble is merely a customized illusion and is not real in fact

I commit myself to assist and support myself, and others as myself to get back down to Earth and work with what is here – instead of being preoccupied in our illusionary reality bubbles which do not match and created unnecessary friction and conflict within the world

I commit myself to humbleness and allow myself to be assisted by others in breaking down my false awareness

I commit myself to a single awareness and the breaking down of all separate realities so we may all come to common ground and create a world that Best for All

I commit myself to the 7 Year Journey to Life, to release myself from my self-imposed limitations and expand my awareness

I commit myself to question any and all beliefs

I commit myself to make use of the information provided by Desteni through various platforms and media as I understand that I cannot walk this process alone

I commit myself to support Desteni so others may receive the same assistance and support as I have been given