This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted
and allowed myself to see and realise that within complaining audibly
as sighing very loudly, I am stating that I am at the centre of the
universe and that everything revolves around me -- where if things don't
work out for me it is not up to me to change -- it's up to everything and everyone else to change and adapt to how I want things to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
since I am only aware of myself and what goes on inside me (and even
that, only to a VERY limited extent) and am not able to experience what
everyone else / everything else is experiencing -- that my existence is
the only one that matters so that when things are not going the way I
want them, I get upset because I am only concerned with my existence, my
reality within the belief that only I matter
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created
the belief that since I am only aware of myself, that only I matter --
where I do not even try and attempt to put myself in other people's
shoes -- because that would mean having to move out of my comfort zone
as all I know and all I care about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
since I have experiences, and can only experience me and nothing else
-- that this means that I am special -- not seeing
and realising that it is all quite in reverse, where me only being able
to experience and be aware of myself only indicate my level of
irrelevance as I have accepted and allowed myself to be separated from
everything and everyone in existence to such an extent that I am in fact
rejected by the whole but instead of acknowledging this, will give my
situation a 'positive twist' and make something 'special' out of it as
to not face the reality/truth of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
since I am only aware of myself and no-one else -- that only my
happiness matters because I am not able to experience other people's
happiness or suffering -- so why should I bother do something about them if I don't receive any gains?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life and existence is all about having nice, positive experiences -- which then creates situations where I get upset and sigh / manipulate
myself into a 'down mood' when faced with a simple point such as the
internet being slow, where I perceive the internet as being slow as
infringing on my right to happiness and should adjust/change
IMMEDIATELY, where I perceive how the internet is behaving to be
UNACCEPTABLE and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted
and allowed myself to see and realise the arrogance of such actions
where many people suffer real damages as for instance being physically
starved through my acceptances and allowances within the starting point of self-interest and do not care to change my behaviour as the result of who I am IMMEDIATELY, while expecting others to change right here, right now to be able to achieve a 'peace of mind' and move away from the illusionary damage I experience within and as my mind
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and
realise that my actions as sighing and getting upset about 'things not
going my way' is indicative to my values as this reveals what I care to
spend my energy on as 'getting upset' to something like the internet being slow -- while being completely apathetic to the real relevant suffering of others and will make-up whatever excuses and justifications as to not have to spend time and energy
on improving the life of everyone but only care about my own personal
comfort of mind -- revealing to me what I have accepted and allowed
myself to become within the name of Self Interest
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I once in a while will feel bad for another or react to for instance animal abuse -- that this means that 'I am a good person' -- not seeing and realising that these reactions only happen ever so often and are minute compared to what preoccupies me most of the time as thoughts/feelings and emotions which relate only to the regard of my own self-interest
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