Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within complaining audibly as sighing very loudly, I am stating that I am at the centre of the universe and that everything revolves around me -- where if things don't work out for me it is not up to me to change -- it's up to everything and everyone else to change and adapt to how I want things to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and what goes on inside me (and even that, only to a VERY limited extent) and am not able to experience what everyone else / everything else is experiencing -- that my existence is the only one that matters so that when things are not going the way I want them, I get upset because I am only concerned with my existence, my reality within the belief that only I matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that since I am only aware of myself, that only I matter -- where I do not even try and attempt to put myself in other people's shoes -- because that would mean having to move out of my comfort zone as all I know and all I care about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have experiences, and can only experience me and nothing else -- that this means that I am special -- not seeing and realising that it is all quite in reverse, where me only being able to experience and be aware of myself only indicate my level of irrelevance as I have accepted and allowed myself to be separated from everything and everyone in existence to such an extent that I am in fact rejected by the whole but instead of acknowledging this, will give my situation a 'positive twist' and make something 'special' out of it as to not face the reality/truth of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and no-one else -- that only my happiness matters because I am not able to experience other people's happiness or suffering -- so why should I bother do something about them if I don't receive any gains?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life and existence is all about having nice, positive experiences -- which then creates situations where I get upset and sigh / manipulate myself into a 'down mood' when faced with a simple point such as the internet being slow, where I perceive the internet as being slow as infringing on my right to happiness and should adjust/change IMMEDIATELY, where I perceive how the internet is behaving to be UNACCEPTABLE and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the arrogance of such actions where many people suffer real damages as for instance being physically starved through my acceptances and allowances within the starting point of self-interest and do not care to change my behaviour as the result of who I am IMMEDIATELY, while expecting others to change right here, right now to be able to achieve a 'peace of mind' and move away from the illusionary damage I experience within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my actions as sighing and getting upset about 'things not going my way' is indicative to my values as this reveals what I care to spend my energy on as 'getting upset' to something like the internet being slow -- while being completely apathetic to the real relevant suffering of others and will make-up whatever excuses and justifications as to not have to spend time and energy on improving the life of everyone but only care about my own personal comfort of mind -- revealing to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become within the name of Self Interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I once in a while will feel bad for another or react to for instance animal abuse -- that this means that 'I am a good person' -- not seeing and realising that these reactions only happen ever so often and are minute compared to what preoccupies me most of the time as thoughts/feelings and emotions which relate only to the regard of my own self-interest
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