Day 189: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 186: Baggage from the Past – when is an ED really over?
Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion
Day 188: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession – Part 1

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt/shame/regret within the context of ‘I am a bad person’, thinking that ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I created this experience for myself within having adopted particular rules/guidelines within my Morality Character where I labelled some foods as ‘good’ and some foods as ‘bad’ and will consequently according to what I eat either experience a positive energy charge connected to the ‘good food’ or a negative energy charge connected to the ‘bad food’ and so I commit myself to breathe, stop, let go and investigate what rules/script I adopted which resulted in my experience and delete/remove them

When and as I see myself experience guilt/shame/regret in relation to eating particular foods – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the creator of my experience within my participation and development of my Morality Character and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for my creation and remove myself from Morality and align myself to Principle as what’s Best for my Body

When and as I see myself picking out food based on information linked to weight loss and gain – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am eating / feeding myself in order to satisfy my mind which is not the purpose of food and where as a consequence I make bad food decisions which I later regret – even though they were supposed to be ‘good decisions’ according to my food religion but my body then shows me otherwise and so I commit myself to let go and listen to my body and pick food / eat in order to sustain my body which is the purpose of food in the first place

When and as I see myself eating a food from the bad/fattening category and start thinking of ways I can make it ‘okay’ within considering what I will and will not eat in the future or consider particular exercises/activities as to ‘make up’ for those ‘extra calories’ where I am “calculating” things in my mind – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely trying to make up for ‘feeling bad’ and try to find ways to justify my decision so that I can ‘feel better’ – without looking at why I ate the food and why it is necessary to go and ‘make up’ for it and so I commit myself to stop and retrace my steps all the way back and investigate the trigger that set me off down this path of disordered reasoning

When and as I see myself accessing all my rules, codes and guidelines in relation to food and trying to figure out the ‘right thing to do’ while at the same time finding excuses/reasons why I ‘shouldn’t do the right thing’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I am constantly trying to do the ‘right thing’ while at the same time trying to avoid it – there is something wrong with my direction as I am conflicted about what it is I want and thus I commit myself to investigate my starting point and come to a commitment/principle that I can actually stand by within what’s Best for my Body

Related articles

• Day 188: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession - Part 1
• Day 185: When Food is no longer just Food - Part 2
• Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion
• Day 177: Ana - I Failed You
• Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection
• Day 170: Starving and Binging - Two Sides of the Same Coin
• Day 166: From Anorexia to Bulimia
• Day 171: Hiding behind Anorexia
• Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food

Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions

 This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3

While I was busy losing weight, I got to a point where I was skinny, but not like 'underweight' skinny. My mom had been observing losing me weight but hadn't said anything so far.

Then one day, she came to me and gave me a hug and went "Oh, just look at you -- so thing and slender - you have achieved what I never could! I am so proud of you!"

My mom had been trying to lose weight and following different diets ever since I could remember. Whenever we would visit our grandparents, her father would always make remarks about her weight and it was obvious that this was affecting her. And whatever she did, even after she'd lose some weight - she'd still look kind of the same.

So as my mom was giving me this compliment, I could hear in her voice and see in her eyes what a big deal this has been for her in her life, which I had noticed before, but hadn't realised the 'depth' of it so to speak. The way she said it and the words she chose - it was all very specific - and in that moment I felt so 'powerful' and 'chuffed' with myself - because I had just achieved in a few months what my mom had tried for most of her life but never succeeded. Within that moment I got a sense of 'superiority', where I felt like I was rising 'above' my mother and within that I found greater motivation to continue what I was doing, to be able to continue to experience this sense of superiority.

So I experienced a nice boost of fuel right then and there -- while at the same time feeling bad/guilty because I felt like I was 'cheating'. In front of my family - which was only dinner - I just ate less, so from their perspective I was just losing weight because I was eating more in moderation, while actually I didn't eat anything at all besides the dinner they saw me eat. It also felt bizarre, because they way I had achieved this 'new figure' -- was not in a healthy manner, yet I was receiving compliments from every direction (not just my mom, that one just stood out). Obviously, the people I got the compliments from did not know the full story, yet it was interesting to see how everyone supported my 'new look' without asking how I did it, where the only point of focus was the 'image' that I had attained without looking/considering what had gone into it to attain this image -- which was in essence not a cool procedure.

After I got this boost, I got even more strict with myself and lost more weight. But now my mother was getting concerned about me, and kind of getting suspicious and agitated. I was confused about this change in attitude, because I was like 'Uh, isn't this what you wanted? You were fine with me losing weight rapidly previously, why is it a problem now all of a sudden?' From my perspective nothing had changed, I had been hard on myself all this time and following unhealthy procedures, now I was just going 'that extra mile' so for me it didn't make sense that what I was doing now was invalid while what I had done previously had apparently been 'valid' -- they were both destructive in nature. I felt like I was receiving 'mixed signals' where it kind of resulted into 'it's okay to abuse yourself to some point but don't go too far with it'.

This was something which I had kind of seen before as a general point within society, but pushing it this far within my own life, it had become more prominent and clear for me to see. This made me reflect on the nature of society and what we accept and allow as 'normal' -- where everyone has got mental disorders to some extent, like everyone experiences feelings and emotions as 'ups' and 'downs' which is considered 'normal' and 'acceptable' -- yet go and take it that 'extra mile' and now you are mentally ill and are labelled being bi-polar.

SO it was kind of sick to see how in general, being dysfunctional is accepted as long as you don't take it too far (which to me seemed unfair) -- probably because if you take it 'too far', the nature of the dysfunction becomes evident which might get people to question the design as for instance going through 'highs and lows' as actually not being 'okay' and 'normal' -- so be dysfunctional, because we don't really want to change our nature, but keep your dysfunction 'in check' and 'under the radar' otherwise we have to actually deal with the problem.

So it was interesting to see the deception of how we live, what we do, what is seen as 'normal' and what is 'abnormal' -- and how we are not consistent in what is deemed 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'.

Because it's okay to have moods, but then if you have moods at a higher 'intensity' - it's suddenly not okay anymore.
It's fine to have thoughts but it's not fine to have voices in your head. It's okay to fantasize about sex and imagine stuff while you're masturbating, but it's not okay to actually play out your fantasies or go and be a 'peeping tom'.
It's okay to want to look nice but if you use botox you're superficial.
It's okay to have secrets but it's not okay to lie.
It's okay if you can't concentrate from time to time but it's not normal to have ADHD.
It's okay to blend in with your environment but it's not okay to be a 'faker'.
It's okay to circumcise but it's not okay to abuse children.
It's okay to bend the rules but it's not okay to break them.
It's okay to value and respect your culture but it's not okay to be a racist.
It's okay to speak your mind but it's not okay to be mean.
It's okay to be smart but if you're very smart you're a nerd.
It's okay to be lonely but not to be alone
It's okay to be religious but not okay to be in a cult.
It's okay to believe in God but not okay to believe in the Spaghetti Monster
It's okay to want to change the world but not okay to actually do it.
It's okay to celebrate birthdays but it's not okay to be self-centered
It's okay to put down your pet but it's not okay to euthanize people
It's okay to eat animals but not people
It's okay to advertise but not okay to Mind Control
It's okay to 'be yourself' but farting in public is NOT DONE
It's okay to be normal but it's not okay to be ordinary
It's okay to be nice but it's not okay to be an asslicker
It's okay to win but not okay to lose
It's okay to enjoy food but it's not okay to be obese
It's okay to have a system where unemployment is inevitable, but if you're unemployed you're lazy
It's okay to talk to Jesus but not to yourself
It's okay to get someone drunk to get in their pants but it's not okay to rape someone

Related articles

• Day 267. The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 1
• The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 2. Day 268.
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder - Part 1
• Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Writing - Part 3
• The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 3. Day 269.

Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – Part 1

Besides managing my thoughts deliberately to keep myself 'energized' and 'motivated' -- I also used images to further indoctrinate myself with my new 'lifestyle'.

The thoughts helped to some extent to 'keep me going', but it wasn't enough. So next, I started to play with images in various ways. I would become very specific about what I would watch on TV, to make sure that I only or mostly watched shows with lots of skinny people or fashion programmes. This was to everyday, as much as I could, imprint and instill my 'goal' to make sure that I do not stray off my path. I also made sure to go through all the regular and fashion magazines we had, to again imprint those pictures into my mind to keep myself motivated. Whenever I would slack on this 'picture' regime, I would slowly but surely start becoming less 'committed' and sloppy within my routine of doing and not doing things.

So just like with the reading not being 'enough' anymore to keep me going, where I expanded the point into managing my thoughts -- just 'looking' at the pictures had come to a point where it was not giving me the same 'energy dose' to submerge myself into my obsessions. So again, I took it a step further. Instead of 'passively' looking at the images/pictures and taking them in, I decided to 'engage' myself more actively -- I figured this would give me a 'higher return' of energy through 'investing' more effort in it lol. And I turned out to be right. I started a scrap book, where I started pasting in the pictures from the magazines that I liked the most, arranging them all very precisely and meticulously -- giving it as much attention as I could. The cutting, pasting and arranging was giving me some 'extra fuel' to run on, but I was looking for more. So I looked for another way where I could engage myself more within the realm of images: which was drawing.

I started keeping a sketch book aside my scrapbook, where I would draw / copy images and would attempt to draw them to perfection. This was very time-consuming and required a lot of concentration - so this was like the perfect activity to draw energy from, because it had to be PERFECT. I had to get the ratios, the lines, the curves -- everything had to be perfect before I would stop. And then I would go over those lines and curves that I liked again and again (like say the hipbones). The slow and meticulous drawing and correcting, really locked myself into my obsession-mode and worked quite effectively in terms of brainwashing myself.

This was when I learnt the power of putting pencil to paper -- where next, I explored the point of writing.

Related articles

• Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder - Part 1
• Day 132 - Self judgment - Part 4 - Appearance - Part 3
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• 262. Why is Nothing Ever Good Enough?
• 261. Know Thy Demonic Addicted to Energy Self
• Day 158: Kidding Myself For Energy

Day 35: Reversing Trust

My tick bite fever has subsided now, and now my physical body is just feeling ‘weak’ from the aftermath. I’m however still sitting with some points which opened up during my period of dis-ease.

One of these points is the point of self-trust. Bernard painfully pointed out while pushing a point on my shoulder that I am not trusting myself and seeing myself as weak. This point also got reflected in a sore point where my right occipital bone is, where the point of the ‘religion of self’ resides. And then my forearm running up to my wrist and thumb was painful/stiff as this point of fear and lack of self-trust was making me ‘inflexible’.

So basically while I was sick I understood the point that one has to face disease and sickness from a starting point of self-direction and self-movement, where you direct the disease as yourself out of your body. But while I was sick, the belief persisted that I am being a victim of the disease, and that I am a victim of the tick and the bite – and that all I can do is be an ‘observer’ within this event and just sit back tight in my body and ‘wait it out’ so to speak. I mean, I understood what had to be done – but I just didn’t see myself capable of ‘being here as my body and directing the disease as myself’ because of the intense trust/ faith/ belief I have placed on reality as “I know it”, which is a reality of separation – and so this trust / faith / belief in separation got reflected in my attitude within ‘being sick’ where I allowed myself to separate myself from my body, the disease and even the tick to the vastest extent. Within placing trust in separation, I placed myself as the victim and was in fear most of the time, because I wasn’t taking self-responsibility within the realisation that I am the creator of all of this: I am the creator of the tick, I am the creator of the virus, I am the creator of the experience of sickness. And because I took this point of responsibility/creation for granted, I believed I was ‘powerless’ and couldn’t do anything – but that was only because that was the position I placed myself in within trusting reality “as I know it” – which is a very limited reality.

I’ve been shown countless times during my process, the simplicity of what needs to be done and the simplicity of HOW it is done. It’s so simple it blows your mind away, because your mind just can’t fathom that it’s that simple, and comes up with all different kinds of excuses and justifications why it just can’t be that simple so that we won’t ever change.

For instance, one evening a few years back the power had tripped for the entire evening / night, and then we held a session where everyone was in the lounge sitting by the fire, and all sorts of beings would come through the portal to share their story. One of them was Piet Retief and he explained how even after he was dead he was still chasing Zulus for hundreds of years in the dimensions – where he had re-created the battlefield and just re-lived that one singular event over and over and over. Or Satan came through explaining how he used to be just a system and how scared he was when it was announced that all systems were going to be deleted in the dimensions and how delighted he was when he found out that he was still here after the deletion took place – lol.

That evening I had a realisation and Bernard went “You! What did you just realise?!” – and I said “Really anything is possible / Nothing’s impossible” – and then Bernard was like “Yep, that’s right”. And it’s true, listening to all the interviews and all the various ways we’ve fucked ourselves into eternity just demonstrates how we can really do and create ANYTHING WE WANT. Yet, when I am faced with a point like directing disease as myself I’m like “uuuugh noooo, can’t do it – me weeeeaaaak – disease is too stroooooong – this ‘anything’s possible’ doesn’t apply to me”. I mean WTF!

So today the simplicity of things was shown to me again. Some hours after Bernard initially pushed my points, he came to check up on me and my shoulder, and the pain was still there. So then he says “What do you know, you know you can trust. Because right now, you are trusting the world, you are trusting the system. So what do you do? You take that trust and place it as trust in a New World – and that’s all there is too it, it’s really simple. You take your trust and place it somewhere else. Where you now trust separation you move your trust to a World of Equality that’s Best for All, it’s simplicity isn’t it” and all that he says while waving his hand around and having this nonchalant look on his face like what he just said is the most common sensical, obvious thing in the world that even a kindergartener can grasp lol.

So now it is up to me to take this point of realization into practical application, and to actually trust myself that I am able to change, and that I am able to move beyond this limited version I’ve accepted myself to be as all that I can ever be.

Living on the farm, your view on ‘what is possible’ really gets challenged, and over and over again you are reminded that we can be so much more. Yet whenever I would hear stories / insights on how particular beings faced/transcended/changed through points, I would always just go “oh woaw, that’s so amazing!... but that’s not something I see myself doing” or “oh woaw, that’s so great… But I doubt I’ll ever be able to do that” – so it’s like, I am seeing in front of my face that we can be anything and anyone we want to be, but I’ll just sit back and go “Nah, not me – I can’t do that” and just go on living life as a little fear robot.

So now I am taking this tick bite fever event as an opportunity to look at the beliefs and fears which played out and move myself into self-trust and into my physical – and prove / show to myself that I can change – just as everyone else can.


To be continued…

Related articles

• Day 94: Did You Know?
• Day 103: Passion for Economics
• Day 123: TRUE ACTIVIST UNIVERSAL GRACE
• Day 97: The Holy Spirit is IN Me
• Day 116: Re-Defining Words to Living Words
• Day 101: Cosmic Being

Day 25: Eating Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when looking at food and what to make / eat -- only consider the energetic values as like/dislike and positive/negative which I have associated with the particular foods -- and decide on what foods to eat / make through only picking out those food items which I have defined as 'positive' within me and disregard those which I have defined as 'negative'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when deciding on food, base my decisions on the energetic signatures I have attached to food -- where my intent is not to eat the food, but to eat and consume the energy which I have attached to a particular food through memory

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions about what to eat in terms of energy and completely disregard the physical within making energy based decisions -- where I will not look or even consider what it is my human physical body needs to function correctly and effectively -- but only will look at "what energy do I want to indulge in now?"

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have never made a common sense decision about food, as I've never moved and pushed myself to actually find out how my human physical body operates and what it requires as support to function properly and effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my body according to likes and dislikes instead of investigating and finding out what would be best to eat for me as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that eating guided by energy is in fact the abuse of Life as the human physical body is that which enables me to be here on Earth -- yet I disregard my human physical body completely within my neverending chase for "nice experiences" and thus disregard Life completely

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question the education system within this world, where nutrition and the workings of the human body should be one of the basic things beings in this world need to be taught, as this is the foundation of one's Life as sustaining the human physical body at an optimum level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not educate myself on the human physical body and nutririon, where I instead will look at tv advertisement and ads in magazines to tell me what to eat -- where I will eat those things which seem to make people Happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turn food into a commodity of the mind -- where I will eat within an attempt to "mine energy" from the food to alter my experiences within myself as mind -- and within that completely disregard whether this food actually assists and supports my body or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions in terms of  'what to eat', on taste as preference -- where I will eat what I believe 'tastes good', and not eat those things which apparently 'don't taste good' -- while these tastes as preferences aren't absolute as they were created in and through memory -- and the fact that one can like something which was once dislikes indicates that likes and dislikes as taste  is not reliable and should not be what decisions in terms of food are based on

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate my likes and dislikes as 'what tastes good' and 'what doesn't taste good' -- and forgive myself for the energetic associations as emotion which accepted and allowed myself to attach to the foods -- so I may have a clean slate within my relationship towards food and find out what actually assists and supports my body, where body support overrides any taste preference -- as this is only illusion


When and as I see myself making decisions about food based on energy -- I stop and I breathe -- I check my starting point and re-align my decision process where I will decide on what to eat in terms of what actually assists and supports my body. Within that I commit myself to rid myself within myself of all negative and positive associations made with food

When and as I see myself wanting to grab some food because I want to experiences the particular type of energy I have attached to the food -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I do not actually want to eat the FOOD , I want to EAT the ENERGY -- and thus I stop and do not accept and allow myself go any further. Withing that I commit myself to investigate and find out why I want to feed myself energy -- where me grabbing food for the experience of energy indicates that I am feeling a 'low', a 'lack' and want to get myself back 'up' through eating a particular energy attached to food -- and thus I commit myself to identify the point which I have suppressed where I accepted and allowed myself to go into a 'low' instead of directing myself in the moment

I commit myself to move myself beyond my ignorance in relation to food and the workings of the human physical body

I commit myself to the re-education of myself and others in terms of the human physical body and food -- to find out and investigate what the human physical body actually needs to function at its optimum level so I may stop abusing Life as the Physical

I commit myself to chart out all my likes and dislikes about food and applying Self Forgiveness so I may begin my relationship with food anew, this time from the starting point of What is Best for the Body instead of what is Best for the Mind

I commit myself to honour and care for my human physical body and to support it as it is unconditionally supporting me -- and within that I commit myself to stop chasing energy as experience to get a 'high' and get back down to Earth here and deal with that which actually Matters

I commit myself to an Equal Money System where food and the workings of the human physical body as a biological, chemical factory is one of the first things one learn about within one's education years so all may learn to take care of oneself within the principle of What is Best for ALL Life

I commit myself to actually seeing food for what it is, instead only seeing the energy that I have attached to it

I commit myself to identify and work through the memories through which my personal likes and dislikes around food were created, and forgive myself so I can let go of these memories and stop living in the Past

I commit myself to the abolishment of food advertisement for the sake of profit -- where advertising is only done to get people to buy food which apparently tastes good but which has no nutritional value whatsoever for the body and only serves to keep human beings complacent within their minds as they get their "energy hit" within eating the foods -- and within that I commit myself to the end of the production and manufacturing of all foods which are in fact harmful to the body

I commit myself to expose the extent to which we've created false relationships with food to the extent that we are no longer eating food but eating energy to keep our minds happy and in place, and within that I commit myself to assist myself and others as myself within letting go of these relationships so one may construct an equal and one relationship towards food and the human physical body as equal support

Day 4: Parrots

I was browsing around a parrot forum the other day, to check whether some vegetable from the garden would be safe to give to the parrots. As I was reading through a thread about Parrots and diet, I read one post and I got a bit angry.

Giving your Parrot sunflower seeds (only or a lot) is bad for its health as it is very fatty and will cause liver problems later and your Parrot can die from it. Now, there was one person on the forum who disagreed with everyone about not giving your Parrots sunflower seeds, or at least very little. She stated that she herself doesn't follow a healthy diet, but she eats what she likes and this makes her happy -- so she does the same for her Parrot in the name of letting him do what he wants and 'love'.

So I got upset at that point because that's an absolutely ridiculous excuse as to why you're not feeding your animal a diet that's in the best interest of its body. Yet at the same time there's no point in getting angry as we've manifested these type of points all together -- myself included.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react into and as anger when reading that someone does not give an animal a diet that support their body best because they do not do it to themselves either

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that getting angry is not a solution towards human stupidity and ignorance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to save the parrot

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to a world where self-interest prevails over what is best for all and within that what is best for each individual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to a world where it is okay to abuse yourself and others because we all have the right of "free speech" and the right to do whatever we want as our human happiness is the only true and important measuring stick in terms of what has worth in this world and what doesn't

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that to defend opinion and doing "whatever you want" from the starting point of 'free choice' is also the acceptance and protection of abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to ignorance and the right of "free choice" instead of seeing and realising that I too am part of the cause of ignorance within this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is not justified for me to become angry at another as they are simply a reflection of my own human nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value "what I like" and "what makes me happy" over what's best for all

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I start caring more about how I feel and less about how long I will live and support my body -- that there is a problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my body in how it functions, what it needs to take care of itself and what might be harmful for it -- all in the name of how I want to feel within my mind as energy -- completely disregarding the unconditional support the body provides me every day, every breath -- keeping me alive on this Earth.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that without my body I am just a thought

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose my opinions and beliefs unto my pets as what I believe they will like and will like me for it

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to care about what makes the body happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my minds wellbeing and within that neglect my body's well being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care or regard my body because I have no clue how it works and it's just kind of "there" doing all these "things"  -- instead of pushing and moving myself to find out how me as every part of myself including my body and all aspects which make up my body work and function and together hold together "me" as the sum of all the parts together in one body

When and as I see myself giving my mind precedence over my body -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that within feeding the mind I am starving my body and in essence killing myself slowly.

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where the human physical body and animal bodies are part of basic education so that we may know how we function and act in a way that actually benefits us as bodies

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where people won't have to stuff themselves with food for the sake of "feeling happy" in contrast to not being when not eating the particular food -- instead one is in a place of support where one is content -- all the time -- period.

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where diet and food are part of basic education as one of the building blocks of the educational foundation within a child's life -- as food next to breathing is one of the most essential parts to living as we are currently living within the world and is thus really something that we should know about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to save every parrot that I see being in misery

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that wanting to save all the parrots that I see as being in misery in terms of wanting to take care of them myself is practically not feasible and does not  address the real problem -- which is us human beings and our economic system as a reflection of our inner greed

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is nothing I can do for all the parrots, birds and animals suffering in the world as long as we don't fundamentally change the way we live and value things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that I cannot make a change or have a "quick fix" for all the animals suffering at the hands of human idiocy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad with myself within the realisation that I am part of the problem and cause of this horrific manifestation

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I and everyone else as myself created this world, this condition -- it is not a sad situation "by accident" -- we created it to be this way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to a world where it is okay to disregard other beings and where they are defined as "other species" which somehow makes it okay to treat them as "less than" and do with them whatever we want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to a world where we trick and catch other beings so we can sell them and make money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to a world where it is seen as normal to take away and destroy the homes of other beings because "hey we need more space to do "our thing"!"

I forgive myself that I haven’t ever accepted and allowed myself to WAKE UP in the face of all the atrocities that are happening in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is all too much and too hard to change -- instead of seeing and realising that if we can create a perfect absolute fuck up we can create an absolute fucking paradise

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world paradise where all beings may live equal and support one another as ourselves as we would like to be supported -- a world where humans are truly changed and treat all other beings as animals and plants as equals