Day 224: Bernard

Written on 13/08/2013

Shortly after I had received the news that Bernard had passed away and had a moment for myself -- I said his name:

Bernard

I wanted to look at what would come up -- what Bernard had meant for me -- and all I got was an impression of vastness - a vastness that went into all directions, a vastness that never stopped.

There were no words, no pictures, no memories, no feelings that could describe or capture what Bernard had meant for me, what Bernard meant for this world.

Even now as I try to dig up memories, try to dig up anything at all -- there is nothing. It is as if our minds are just too damn limited to even in any way record what Bernard was and stood for -- as Bernard was not something which could just be reduced to some memories or pictures -- Bernard was way beyond that.

When I look back at specific events -- it was not so much what we were doing or how he was doing / saying things that stuck with me, but his ever stable and unwavering presence. Bernard had a way of Earthing you, bringing you Here.

I was never quite comfortable around Bernard. In general, I have never been much comfortable around people. When meeting new people I would be reserved, first wanting to see what another person's "ammo" was before engaging with them, so that I could be 'prepared' and modify my behaviour as to minimize any conflict -- and only when I had properly gauged the other person and had established for myself how to 'behave' around them -- the discomfort would fade away.

This never happened with Bernard. There was no 'gauging' Bernard, of establishing a pattern, no way of determining the 'rules' he lived by. Bernard did not live by any rules -- he was Bernard and he was simply here. He was solid as a rock as the Principles he stood by and lived in every moment -- yet fluid like water, being able to adapt and change as the moment saw fit. He was consistent in his message yet unpredictable in his expression. Bernard was not limited by moods or things happening around him to determine who he was going to be, he was here as everything and could become any expression at any time -- purely self-willed. He could be the sweetest, gentlest man -- making me burst out in tears as I did not know such gentleness could exist. He could also be the thunder and lightning rocking your foundation -- making you question your entire beingness.

Bernard showed us what was possible if we let go of our accepted and allowed limitations as what we consider it to be, 'to be human' -- and within that he was more than 'just a man'. And at the same time he showed what 'just a man' can do, as he still lived by the same "laws of physics" that we all have to abide to. He still had to eat, drink, shit, sleep. He still only had 24 hours in a day like the rest of us -- and yet he has been able to accomplish what no-one has ever done before, he accomplished the 'extra-ordinary' -- but of course, that is only because we within ourselves had settled for the ordinary.

There will probably be more things coming up as the day(s) go by as all the things I have learnt from Bernard -- from interacting with him online and having lived with him for the past 5+ years. Everything I am and the life I currently live I have him to thank for -- and for that I am eternally grateful.

Thank you Bernard.

Related articles

• Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated
• Day 223: Words and the Hidden Battle of Energies
• Day 458: Facts and Feelings: How to Stop and Prevent Brainwashing
• Day 460: Transhumanism: the Rise of the Machine - Part 1
• Day 452: The Depression Scam
• Day 464: Looking for Purpose
• Day 465: The Desteni Threat

Arguments within Agreements

The first year that I was in an Agreement with Gian, our Agreement revolved around one thing: Self-Forgiveness. Most of our discussion ended up in misunderstanding, disagreements and fights.
When we’d both cool down and look at each person’s “side of the story” – we could see where the other was coming from and “where it all went wrong”. It’s amazing how assumptions, opinions and ideas can create this whole “alternate universe” right then and there as your having a conversation with your partner – and your partner is also participating in his or her own “alternate universe” and none of the two are actually participating in the only universe that matters, the physical one right here.
So the first year (more year and a half) – we applied Self-Forgiveness, a lot of it. This was exactly because of these ‘alternate realties’ we’d create inside ourselves and then project unto the other person. Only after we went through this phase – the deconstruction phase – we were able to actually start communicating and hearing each other. And the Self-Forgiveness we did, was never about the other person – we’d simply each time take the point back to ourselves, apply Self-Forgiveness and then that’s that.

In the beginning we were very easily tempted to “point out each other’s dishonesties” and to “stand up” (well play out an ‘idea’ of what it means to “stand up”) but then all we’d do was point fingers at each other, get angry / hurt and not get one foot further. See, in the initial stage of an Agreement, there’s just no way that you can immediately effectively assist the other by “pointing things out” because you’ve got so much shit of yourself that is filtering and moulding your perception of the other – that you never get a clear picture of what is actually going on – and that most likely, your just projecting your own shit. So once you realise this point – you’re ready to get somewhere lol.
 
Before I was in the Agreement I am currently in with Gian, I thought that I was pretty stable and was easily able to assist myself in terms of dealing with my inner world. Because of that, I had created an idea about myself that “I was pretty stable” and that thus the Agreement should go pretty smooth. Boy, was I wrong! LOL – all those ‘issues’ and ‘points’ that I had worked through in my Process while walking ‘alone’ suddenly looked very bleak and small compared to what I was facing within the Agreement. Sometimes it looked like the end just wouldn’t come in sight and every day was just a struggle within myself to get through the day without getting each other all agitated. But whatever happened , we just stuck to the basics: breathe, forgive, don’t give up.
And then, one day it suddenly hit me: I’m not struggling anymore.
Our agreement was effortless.
So whenever you find yourself in an Argument with your Partner take note to a) Not take it personal (god, if you do this, you’ll make things very hard for yourself) and b) to realise – that mostly when you are having an Argument, YOU’RE BOTH WRONG!!!.
The moment you see /realize that you (and your partner) are wrong, you’ll find that it’s very easy to stop and give up the argument because you’re not fighting to be proven right = there’s suddenly nothing to win and then all of a sudden your actual starting point within the fight will be clear for both parties to investigate (mostly just ‘I am right, you are wrong, lemme steal your energy so I can feel goooooood).

Ok that’s it for now.

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