This blog is a continuation to:
Day 57: Sound of Laughter
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted
within annoyance to laughter
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted
within annoyance to the sound of laughter within the belief that it is not fair
for someone to have fun while I am not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have blamed another for
my experience, where I compared my
experience to theirs and concluded that it's
"not fair" within the belief that my experience was caused by another
and that I was the victim of this and in no way responsible for how I was
experiencing myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I find
myself experiencing myself in an unpleasant way, immediately go and deflect
this experiences within blaming someone or something else for how I experience
myself so I would have to do the job of looking inside myself and see how I
created this experience for myself so that I do not have to change
I forgive myself that I haven't
accepted and allowed myself to see and
realise that I was merely being angry and annoyed at myself for having created
an unpleasant experience for myself, and where another had created a fun
experience for themselves and found myself annoyed for not doing the same
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate
myself with
thoughts such as "He shouldn't be doing this right now, he's
wasting his time" to validate that how I am experiencing myself is
justified on the grounds that the other is apparently 'doing something wrong'
and that therefore I apparently have the right to be annoyed/angry -- without
seeing and realising that this backchat was just a front so that I would not
have to look at myself and what I am doing to myself but rather blame another
and cover up my point of
responsibility using "reason" as 'look at
what he's doing, that's not right' to redirect the attention from myself and
convince myself that I have 'good reason' to experience myself the way I am
experiencing myself
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and
realise that the only reason why I feel the need to 'build a case' for myself
within coming up with justifications for why I am experiencing myself the way I
do within backchatting that what another is doing is 'not right' and 'not fair'
and that this is the reason why I feel annoyed -- merely
shows/reveals/indicates that there are 'holes' in my standing within the need
to 'defend' myself where I use 'reason' as backchat to show why I do not have
to
change -- where I actually know that I am lying/being dishonest with myself
and then 'reason' my way out of it within self-manipulation and self-sabotage
as to why I am not responsible and thus why I shouldn't change
When and as I see myself reacting within annoyance to the sound of
laughter – I stop and I breathe – I see and
realise that my annoyance has got nothing to do with the sound of laughter, but
is me reflecting a point back to myself and so I commit myself to within that
moment stop my participation within
energy as annoyance and investigate the
nature of my reaction
When and as I see myself reacting within annoyance to the sound of
laughter and think that it is “not fair” for
another to have fun while I don’t – I stop and I
breathe – I see and realise
that I am in fact the creator of my own experience and am being unfair to
myself within not taking self-responsibility for my experience/reaction and so
I commit myself to stop engaging in this energetic experience of annoyance and
I stop my backchat and bring the point back to myself
When and as I see myself pointing fingers/blaming another for how I
experience myself within
comparing my experience to that of another and
conclude that how I experience myself is “not fair” – I stop and I breathe – I see
and realise that I am the creator of my own experience and am
not allowed to relate my experience to that
of another within trying to create/establish a causal link – and so I commit
myself to reverse my pointing finger right back to myself and see/investigate
for myself how I created this reaction within myself and stop/correct myself
When and as I see myself experiencing myself in an unpleasant way and
immediately go and scan my environment for who I can blame for how I experience
myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is an automated
coping mechanism where I instantly deflect self-responsibility within looking for
someone to blame so that I can justify why I am not doing anything about how I
am experiencing myself because “look! It’s not me! He/She/that is causing me to
experience myself this way, so I am not able to change because I wasn’t the initiator!!
It’s beyond my
powers!” – and so I commit myself to within that moment of
deflecting, stop and snap myself out of this automatic mode and take
self-responsibility within looking at my experience and changing it as myself
within the realisation that I am in fact responsible for how I am experiencing
myself as the creator of this experience and ground myself within and as breath
When and as I see myself participating within thoughts as backchat within
the nature of justifications within reacting energetically such as annoyance to
the sound of laughter with thoughts such as "He shouldn't be doing this
right now, he's wasting his time"
–
I stop and I breathe --
I see and
realise that I am busy trying to ‘build a case’ for myself which only
indicates/reveals/shows that I know that my accusation/statement is ungrounded
and thus feel the need to ‘defend myself’ and so I commit myself to within that
instant stop participating within the energy of annoyance and thoughts as
backchat/justifications and see where I am lying / sabotaging /
manipulating
myself within protecting a part of myself that I do not want to change – and commit
myself to walk this point which
I am
hiding from within not wanting to change within
Self Forgiveness and Self
Corrective Statements/Actions
