Friday, 21 September 2012

Day 57: Sound of Laughter


This blog is a continuation to: 
Day 51: Shocking Sounds 
Day 52: Prelude – Don’t take anything for Granted 
Day 53: I Am Robot 
Day 54: Reading Sounds 
Day 55: Sounds as Reference 
Day 56: Fearing Myself

While I was busy working on one of my blogs in relation to the parrots screaming and me reacting to it -- I had another point opening up in relation to me reacting to sound. While I was busy writing, Gian at the desk next to me was busy watching an episode of something and was laughing really hard. He had his headphones on so I didn't know what was funny, all I could hear was him laughing very loudly. So while I was busy doing Self Forgiveness on sound, here I found myself reacting to Gian laughing and having a blast within annoyance and even some anger.

The reaction had to do with thoughts like "It's not fair, he shouldn't be having fun right now -- why is he watching something and having fun, he is wasting his time he should be working".

When seeing this reaction I looked at why I was reacting, and it was basically because I found it unfair how I was experiencing myself within what I was doing, which only got highlighted/emphasized within hearing the sound of Gian's laughter. The 'unfairness' didn't have anything to do with what Gian was doing or how he was experiencing himself as having fun, but how I had decided for myself to experience myself as 'not having fun' as experiencing myself within a 'down' energy and then within hearing the laughter -- this point got thrown into my face and I got upset/annoyed because I did not want to acknowledge that I was in fact the creator of my experience and thus I was responsible for how I was experiencing myself. But instead of seeing this and correcting it, I immediately externalized the point within blame as taking Gian responsible for how I was experiencing myself and justifying it within saying that my experience was due to his behaviour.

So within the next blogs I will take on this point within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements


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