Monday, 24 September 2012

Day 60: Paranoia

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 17: Betrayal – Anger and Me – Part 2
Day 57: Sound of Laughter
Day 58: Reasoning as Self-Sabotage
Day 59: What are you Laughing at?


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken it personal when people were talking about me behind my back about how ridiculous something was that I did and laughed about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within that moment of hearing people talk behind my back and laughing – have placed a negative energy charge unto the point/sound of ‘laughter’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of hearing people talk behind my back and laugh at something I did – have created a negative energy charge/connection to the sound of ‘laughter’ within a relationship of ‘unfairness’ – where within that moment I allowed myself to make a relationship connection between the sound of ‘laughter’ and opinion as ‘unfairness’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of hearing people talk behind my back and laugh at something I did – have integrated the sound of laughter with an additional meaning within and as me as ‘unfairness’ – where from then on each time I would hear laughter at a distance/laughter I wasn’t participating in – I would react within and as unfairness within the assumption that the laughter had to do with me and something I had done which was deemed ridiculous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have hold on to this memory and the meaning I had given to the laughter – where yes, people were laughing and ridiculing me which was not cool – yet there was no point to make this form of laughter ‘timeless’ within myself within from then on always interpreting laughter at a distance as being ‘unfair’ and assuming that the past was repeating itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an emotional connection to the sound of laughter, specifically laughter taking place at a distance and where I am not participating in / playing an active role – where I now within holding on to this memory as the past, recreate and re-enact this experience as energy each time I am faced with a situation which is similar in its features as my past memory – and immediately within that moment impose the meaning I had attached to the memory, unto the present – and within that distort reality for myself within participating within interpretation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have compartmentalized/categorised the sound of laughter within myself within particular meaning – where each time I hear laughter at a distance, this meaning as a reaction will pop up inside me and impose itself unto the moment/reality and where I believe this experience to be real/genuine – without seeing and realising that I am merely being a robot producing a particular output as a reaction to particular input – wherein I am merely recycling the past as memories and pasting them unto the present moment and so these experiences are in no way real/genuine but a fabrication of my own mind


When and as I see myself taking the sound of laughter personal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to have imposed an alternate mind dimension unto the manifestation of laughter – where laughter within my mind is no more ‘just a sound’ – but a sound that carries meaning as ‘unfairness’ based on past memories/events that I did not yet deal with. And so I commit myself to in those moments stop participating in the energetic experience of ‘taking it personal’ and simply see the sound of laughter for what it is – a sound and let go of all additional meaning based on memory

When and as I see myself reacting within a negative energy charge to the sound of laughter – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely accessing a programmed response pattern based on the past as memories which has no relevance to the current moment and so I commit myself to snap myself out of this automated mode and be here within and as breath as my human physical body

When and as I see myself reacting to the sound of laughter coming from people close by within the belief that ‘they must be laughing at me’ and ‘they’re probably ridiculing me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being irrational within hauling in energies from the past as memories and believing these to be relevant to the present moment – and so I commit myself to stop participating in this backchat / emotional energy and investigate how come I am still holding on to this point of ‘they must be laughing at me’ as this reveals that I have not yet effectively walked this point into specificity

When and as I see myself reacting to the sound of laughter within paranoia as ‘it must be about me’ within an almost grudge-like energy experience – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience indicates to me that I have missed a point somewhere which I require to address as the grudge-like experience indicates a point of abdicating self-responsibility within blame/victimization and so I commit myself re-visit the point and identify what I have missed and correct/re-align the point within Self-Responsibility

When and as I see myself reacting to the sound of laughter happening around me coming from people I know/am familiar with and thinking/believing that this laughter must be directed at me – and believing this experience to be real/genuine as in me giving myself factual information – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience/belief is in no way genuine but a mere reprocessing of old energies/experiences as if they are relevant to my life/my world – while they are not since they keep me in a limited bubble version of reality which only I experience and does not match everyone else’s experience of reality – and so I commit myself to pop my bubble of self-limitation as recycling memories/experiences and imposing them unto reality as if they are ‘new’ and ‘real’ so I may actually see what is really going on
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