Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3
Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions
Day 161: Become an Image and be Treated as an Image
Day 162: Eating Disorders and Unforetold Consequences
Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion
Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a starting point of separation, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require something ‘out there’ to fill me up with ‘passion and commitment’ and so I commit myself to identify where I perceive that I am lacking commitment and passion within my life where I want to make up for that lack within finding something else to be passionate/committed about and commit myself to apply commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life and see myself going into that movement of ‘looking out there’ and ‘wondering where I can find passion’ I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that commitment and passion is already here as myself and so I commit myself to apply and express commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself go into an application of obsession within wanting to be committed/passionate – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a polarity design where I perceived myself lacking any and all ability to be passionate/committed and within that go into the opposite polarity of being obsessive, where I allow myself to be completely obsessed with whatever point I decided to go with – where there is no space for expression of flexibility, but only a one dimensional focus which is doomed to burn out as it is based on energy instead of self-realization

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment in my life and look for it outside of myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely diverting/distracting myself from investigating my application where I have detected a point that can be perfected / specified, but where instead of dealing with that point, I go and look for something else to perfect so that I can fool myself to still experience myself as satisfied without actually having taken self-responsibility and so I commit myself to look at the points where I know I can improve myself and commit myself to passionately take on these points and perfect them for myself

When and as I see myself go into a mode of ‘adoration’ and ‘idolizing’ within seeing people with an Eating Disorder / contemplating Eating Disorders within the belief that what I am looking at is diligence, discipline, willpower and commitment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is exactly what the nature of Eating Disorders is about, where I/we have accepted and allowed ourselves to have created a distorted and disharmonious definition of what it means to be diligent, disciplined, will powered and committed – while we actually have not ever lived true diligence, true discipline, true will power and true commitment – as I have seen and realised through walking the Desteni Process, that true commitment, diligence, discipline and willpower has got nothing to do with occupying oneself with impose an image/illusion unto physical reality – that is an easy thing to do – what takes real discipline, commitment, diligence and willpower is to investigate the nature of ourselves as who we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become, to see and realise the dishonesty and destruction we’ve become and to walk the process of correcting our nature of self-destruction to one of Self-Support towards ourselves and all other forms of Life as ourselves – where one move and push to become the best possible version of themselves and within doing so assist others to do the same: This is the REAL Challenge and the only Journey of Self-Perfection worth walking

Visit the Desteni I Process Lite website to start your journey to Self Perfection today

Related articles

• Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance
• Day 274: Eating Disorders and Desteni
• Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Writing - Part 3
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• Day 276: Bulimia and Desteni

Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from passion and purpose in Life – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go and find something outside of myself that I can add / attach to me, to be able to get a purpose and passion in Life, instead of seeing and realising that the drive as passion, as a purpose comes from within me, and is a matter of making a decision within myself – rather than finding the ‘one thing’ that will trigger an experience of purpose/passion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked/sought for passion and purpose as an energetic experience one can attain, instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose does not exist within the realm of ‘experience’ but is a decision one makes within oneself, to be engaged, to be driven and that no-one or nothing can ‘give’ this to self, only self can gift passion and purpose to self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen myself as incapable of passion and purpose, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘this is not for me’, that ‘passion and purpose is for other people’ – not seeing and realising that I had interpreted passion and purpose almost as if it was a genetic characteristic which allowed some people to experience themselves this way, while others were ‘less lucky’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘look out there’ to find something to be passionate and purposeful about – instead of looking at what is here as myself, to be passionate and purposeful about myself as a being as who I am, and to get to know myself passionately, intimately so that I may support myself in becoming the best possible version of myself and to within that, prepare the way to stand/live as an example so that we may change the world to become the best possible version it can be

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace passion and purpose as myself, where I interpreted and perceived passion and purpose to be an experience outside of myself – instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose are not experiences, but applications and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have considered applying passion and purpose in my life as myself, as a living expression – as a statement of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken obsession with passion and purpose – where I believed that the nature of obsession as being part of one’s every day moment as always being there, present – was what passion and purpose is about – not seeing and realising that obsession is about being controlled while passion and purpose is about being in control as being the directive principle in one’s life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, within the belief that I am incapable of passion and purpose, have gone into the complete opposite polarity point as obsession, where I put myself in a position of constant and continuous mind pre-occupation, and believed this to be passion and purpose, while all I was doing was further confirm and integrate the belief that I am incapable of self-movement, as the nature of obsession being one of extreme limitation and rigidity

 

Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself

Where to start -

I didn't develop an Eating Disorder in a 'natural' way. Meaning, when I was first introduced to the concept of eating disorders, the way it was presented to me was as a 'disease' that just kind of 'happens' to you. To me this seemed weird, because it appeared to be a purely psychological point, and I didn't get why it was dubbed a disease. Either way, I believed that it was something that just 'happened' and went with what I had been told, because "obviously" the medical authority 'knows best'.

At that point in my life, I was pretty bored . My life was pretty much normal and everything was going quite well -- I just didn't have any purpose or goal and found it annoying to just go through my days every day without it 'going anywhere'. I saw other people having a particular passion or pursuing partiular things and I was jealous of how engaged they were and having a point of focus in their life. I found myself lacking passion and commitment.

Then one day, my and my mom and I were watching a documentary on anorexia. I was fascinated by the discipline these girls had to simply not eat no matter what. I wished I could be so commited and 'passionate' about something, and remember thinking 'too bad it's a disease and not something you can just 'do' '. Then as we were watching the documentary, a lot of attention was placed on what went on inside the girls' minds and what thought patterns they followed.

I then thought, well if I can't "get it" (as if its some infectious disease that you can 'catch'), then many I can 'simulate it' by managing my thoughts and my behaviour exactly to how these girls do it. I was really excited when the documentary was over - I had something to do!

Ever since I had hit puberty, I had put on weight and hadn't been satisfied with my weight since - so it was like a 'win-win' situation, because I could keep myself occupied with something and lose weight!

So it's interesting to see how I separated myself from these points of commitment, passion, focus, purpose and discipline and then instead of embracing and applying these points within myself as self-supported -- I placed them 'out there' and adopted them within a point of self-destructiveness instead of self-support. Even though I started applying these points within a context that was not supportive, afterwards I was able to take these points and apply them within self-support later - within the context of Desteni. So here is one of the dimensions that within this whole episode were quite 'fucked', but where if you change your starting-point and direct yourself towards something constructive - and align yourself with for instance the principles that Desteni stands for as walking yourself to Life and ACTUAL Self-Perfection, self-honesty and what's Best for All - you can still practice the same points minus the negative side effects as screwing your body and mind over. So even though this 'phase' I went through was not cool, I am quite grateful for these points, as I within going through this, could see that I was able to decide on something and make it my focus/goal and apply myself consistently within it.

Related articles

• Day 155: Introduction - Starving Myself
• Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 - Appearance
• Day 262: I just kept the picture in motion fast enough to ensure that everything was always a bit fuzzy
• 257. A Piece of Heaven at the Expense of Life
• The Mind Movement Character - Introduction: DAY 159