Day 41: What if I become Useless?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into the fear of ‘what if I become useless’ within being sick

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming useless as a consequence of disease/sickness – whereby I can no longer function the way I used to and be less functional/productive within my contribution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being less productive/functional within contributing to this world in terms of ‘work’ and ‘labour’ within being sick – as I fear that if I am unable to be productive that I will be rejected/spat out now that all my usefulness as a productive unit has been diminished to zero and be left to fend for myself ‘outside of the system’ with no support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ and connected ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ to ‘useless’ and ‘uselessness’ to inevitable rejection

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how this fear gets perpetuated through our established economic system where one has to ‘earn’ their living where one can only ‘earn’ their living through contributing in terms of ‘labour’ or ‘work’ – where if one is unable to contribute due to physical limitations or levels of lack of job positions one is screwed as the system will not support someone who does not support the money system – and where there are always some definitively screwed as the system does not allow for 100% level of employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bought into the fear of ‘what if I become useless, I will be rejected by the system’ where I will make sure that I can remain productive from the starting point of fear – without for a moment going ‘Hey wait a minute, this design of our system is completely fucked up and needs to be changed’ and within that commit myself to changing the system instead of simply allowing myself to be driven by fear and not come up with an actual solution, where I will attempt to make sure that ‘I am alright’ while I know that this is not possible for everyone due to our acceptance and allowance of the current established system of inequality

When and as I see myself going into the fear of ‘oh shit, what if I become useless within being sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting within a survival based program designed to do whatever it takes to ‘keep my spot in the system’ where my own fear of survival will withhold me from questioning the system – where I will rather try and ‘keep up’ with the system as an irrational fear based response rather then seeing/realising that our system is fucked up and taking it up on myself to change the system so no-one has to live in fear of their own survival. Within that I let go of my connection/association of ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ and the connection between ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ to ‘ultimate rejection’ – as I see and realise that such automated chain-fear-response is what keeps me in place as a Money Producing Character in this world who will never question the system because she’s too busy worrying/fearing about her own survival. And within this letting go of these associations/connections I allow myself to see the situation for what it is as the design of a dysfunctional system which is not Best for All and as such requires to be Changed

I commit myself to show that our current system does not support all Life Unconditionally, and that our system only values Life in so far that it can be used within the Money Creation/Accumulation Process where one will be spat out by the system if one’s ‘factors of production’ are depleted – as a used battery being thrown away – where our current economic system support and perpetuates fear of survival in order to keep everyone too busy in their minds worrying about themselves so that they will miss the bigger picture and not consider everyone equally – as one might be able to survive and experience ‘relief’ within having escaped the clutches of survival without support – while being completely oblivious to those who weren’t as fortunate

As such I commit myself to the establishment of a World Economic System of Support where Life is supported unconditionally for the sake of Life and where no-one has to fear for their survival in the case of temporary or permanent physical dysfunction which may limit one’s productive abilities – as this system as the Equal Money System does not place one in a position of dependency in relation to one’s “factors of production” but cares about what is Best for All and Loving thy neighbour as thyself and so no man will be left behind

Related articles

• Day 39: What if something's Wrong with Me?
• Day 56: Measuring the Performance of the Economy - Part 2
• Day 47: The Economic Problem - Part 2
• The Soul of Fear: Day 35
• Life Review – Killed by my Own Fear
• The Relationship between ‘Fear of Death’ and ‘Money’

Day 39: What if something’s Wrong with Me?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when noticing that my body is showing me signs of possible illness, go “Oh No! What if something’s wrong with me” inside myself – within the starting point of fear as fear of death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when noticing my body showing signs of illness, freak out and within my head look at all the possible disease/illnesses I may have as all the various different illnesses/diseases I know about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing that I might be sick, immediately connect and jump from ‘being sick’ to ‘DEATH’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a negative energy charge as emotion as fear to the point of ‘illness’ – whereby I will go and immediately expect the worst

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about what it means to be ‘sick’ where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an association with the word ‘sickness’ and ‘something’s wrong with me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing my body showing me that it is busy working through something, go into fear of ‘What if something’s wrong with me’ – and within that moment/thought statement place myself in a position of separation towards myself as the physical – within and as the belief that “if something’s wrong with my body I am fucked because I have no influence/reach there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unable to ‘fix’ my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my body slowly deteriorating in pain without me being able to do anything about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of seeing that my body is working through something, go “I must find out what this is” within a starting point of fear – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I can put a label/name on what it is that is going on – that I will somehow have a better “grip” on things / have some form of “control”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that “finding out what it is” as back chat is in fact a statement of separation, as I not for one moment considered to slow down and breathe, be here as my human physical body and see what’s going in – but instead will go to external sources such as internet/books to find ‘clues’ on what it is that is going on inside my body and within reading symptoms/possible disease – go into more fears as ‘What if it’s this?’, ‘What if it’s that one?’, ‘OH no, not that one please, that one’s lethal!!’ – lol – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up within a rollercoaster ride of fear and accumulate more fear within wanting to ‘find out’ what I have to gain a sense of control – instead of seeing and realising that ‘what I have’ is right here as myself – and that I can simply observe myself and how my body moves within working through whatever it is working through – and that if the signals do not subside by themselves within a relative short period of time, I can direct myself towards a doctor and ask for additional support while my body requires it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that being in fear in relation to the possibility of being sick does not serve me – as all I am doing is giving and sending my body signals that ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ – whereby my body will start to adapt this signal as ‘status quo’ and move/change itself to match the signal of ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ – and so through my fear as thoughts, make myself sick and compromise my body

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the best thing I can do for my body when seeing / noticing that it is working through something – is to be here unconditionally within and as Breath within self-awareness as my human physical body – because when I am here as Breath, I am best up to date on my body’s process and how it is dealing with the particular point, and at the same time, through not being occupied within my mind – allow my body the space and time to process, as it is not being bombarded and distracted by thoughts as fear


When and as I see myself going “Oh no! What if something’s wrong with me” within seeing that my body is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that participating in fear creates only more fear and keeps me from practically being here, as my human physical body – as within entertaining myself with thought and fear I enter an alternate dimension within my mind which has no relation to what it is that my human physical body is experiencing – and as such I can completely dismiss/disregard any of the thought/emotion information as it is unreliable
Within that I commit myself to be here for myself as my human physical body and to net get carried away by fear upon seeing that my body may possibly be sick

When and as I see myself racing inside my head as all the thoughts of ‘what possible diseases I could have’ and accumulate more fear in relation to what my body is showing me – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that racing inside my head and accumulating fear is in no way whatsoever supporting my body within working through whatever it is working through
And so I commit myself to be Here within and as Breath when I see that I am entering a fear state – as I see and realise that the only way I can be of assistance of myself is if I am here as my human physical body and assist where I can

When and as I see myself jumping from one point to another as ‘sickness’ to ‘death’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I as my mind is going into overdrive where I am scaring myself to death and accumulate a self-fulfilling prophecy – as within being in fear I am not allowing myself to be here and make common sense decisions – and so within being in fear put my life at risk and as such participating in ‘fear’ is a very reckless thing to do and doesn’t assist self in any way whatsoever in relation to the point which is being faced
Within that I commit myself to investigate the fears and apply Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to release myself from these connections

When and as I see myself going into a negative energy charge as ‘fear’ in relation to seeing my body giving signs that it is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that any emotion/feeling/though about seeing what my body is doing is ‘making it something more than it is’ – and is in fact a form of hallucination wherein I am no longer able to trust myself as I am distorting the situation through my fears/beliefs/thoughts into something which it is not – and as such I cannot be trusted to make decision as I have biased myself
Within that I commit myself to identify all the biases I have created about seeing my body work through something so I can develop a relationship of self-trust and be in touch with Reality instead of a self-made Illusion up in my head

When and as I see myself going into thoughts such as “What if something’s wrong with me” within seeing my body work through things – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is no point speculating about what is going on inside me, and that all I can do is be Here as my Physical Body so I am in the best position to be aware of ‘what is going on’ and whether or not I require to take any action at any point
Within that I commit myself to be Here as Breath as the only point where I can be the directive principle

When and as I see myself entertaining myself with the belief that ‘I am powerless in the face of my body’ -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I AM my BODY and as such I cannot be powerless – we’ve just never been taught and assisted into realising that we are our bodies and so have been taught the practical skills with which one can assist and support self as the body as all the attention has always been on the Mind only
Within that I commit myself to be Here within and as Breath as my Human Physical Body and develop an actual relationship with and as my human physical body for the first time and find out what it means to be here in this Physical Reality for Real

When and as I see myself thinking “I must find out what this is” within an energetic charge of fear in relation to seeing that my body is working through something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that me wanting to find out what is going on inside my body is not from a starting point of self-assistance and self-support in relation to myself as my body – but from the starting point of ‘easing my mind’ and as such there was not one iota of real consideration involved in relation to the well being of my human physical body – and so, within those moments, I stop myself, breathe – be here as my human physical body and re-asses the situation and commit myself to put my body FIRST through being HERE

When and as I see myself thinking ‘SOMETHING’s WRONG’ within an emotional charge of fear – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise I am in fact creating my fear through telling my body that something is wrong and within that actually ask my body to sabotage itself and align itself to the message I am sending – and within that I commit myself to investigate the nature of the signals I send to my body within being in the Mind and to stop all messages which are not Best for All (which is any message coming from the mind) and thus commit myself to be Here as my Human Physical Body as Real Attention and Actual Care as the Best Message I can send to my body as myself

Related articles

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• Day 37: What's Happening to Me?!
• Day 36: Self as Creator
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Day 37: What’s Happening to Me?!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick, set myself up as the ‘observer’ within my body – where I experienced myself as merely ‘observing’ all these things ‘happening to me’ within my body – without for a moment stopping and realising that I am my body and so things can’t just happen ‘to me’ without me being part of its creation/development and direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things moving / have pain within my body – have gone into a mode of ‘Waaaooaah, what’s happening to me!?’ and just sit there being startled without for a moment seeing / realising that I am my body and that I can, as my body simply check what’s going on and assist myself as my body in moving / re-aligning myself to a point of optimum functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent, where I will ‘look’ at what it is that I am experiencing from an ‘outsider’ point of view- and for instance ‘look at my tummy’ when it is sore/nauseous, as if it is something ‘out there’ – without seeing / realising that I AM my tummy – and so there’s no point to just ‘sit there’ and ‘look’ at what is going on as a statement of separation, but instead realise that I am my tummy and I am the experience of pain/nausea – and so I can direct myself as my tummy as the nausea/pain Equal and One and correct / assist myself in moving through whatever is going on within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick and feeling unwell, have ‘stepped back’ into and has my mind’s chambers where I would just ‘sit’ there and ‘wait’ for my body and the medicine to do whatever – where I completely separated myself from the disease, the medicine and my body within the belief that ‘I am a victim’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am weak’, ‘I can’t do anything but wait it out’ – without seeing and realising that I am in fact my body, the disease and the medicine and can thus direct all these points as myself Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the habit of whenever I would experience something such as illness, pain, nausea – have gone into a reactive mode of ‘Woah, what’s happening to me??!!’ – where I immediately would go into fear of not understanding what is going on and freak out / cry /worry – without seeing and realising that I can only experience things as ‘happening to me’ and ‘not understanding what’s happening to me’ when I am in a complete state of separation in relation to my body – where I merely take in a little compartment in my mind, being completely oblivious to my human physical body, its processes and how it functions – so that when I am in pain or something is ‘off’ – I go into complete fear/anxiety/stress because I am suddenly reminded of this ‘human body’ I have, and freak out because I’ve never allowed myself to get to know myself as my human physical body within the belief that who I am is limited to my mind – and so I am confused and distressed as I don’t know what to do with this experience as I haven’t considered that I am my body and can thus I can simply be here as my body and check out what’s happening and accordingly assist and support myself in re-aligning my body to well-functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things such as pain/nausea/disease go into a state of panic and distress as I believe that ‘I do not know what’s going on’ and ‘I don’t know what to do about this’ – and then within this fear reach out to other people such as my parents/teachers, where I will go to them and ask for feedback on what’s happening to me – wherein they also react into fear and distress as they don’t know what to do either– and where they will go and get me to a doctor to tell us ‘what is going on’ because we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from our bodies to such an extent that we believe that we can’t tell ‘what’s going on’ and that we need someone who’s learnt about the human body from books to tell us what is going on and give us medicine to “fix us” where the medicine will take care of the symptoms so that we do not have to experience pain/nausea/sickness and get back to a point where we can once again be completely unaware of our bodies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel physically unwell, trust doctors and other so called ‘medical authorities’ to tell me what is wrong and tell me what to do – without seeing and realising that these people know as much as I do – because they too have separated themselves from their bodies as they have gone and studied the body ‘from books’ and never investigated / studied their own bodies from the starting point that they are their bodies and can thus see / realise / understand how the body works and functions from this Equal and One starting point – but since they, just as me, have separated themselves from their bodies – they only have limited knowledge on how the body works and this knowledge can only ever be within the form of ‘interpretation’ as all studies done in relation to the body have always been done from the starting point of separation and observation - and never from a starting point of Physical Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with the way we currently treat our bodies within the context of disease – where I will feel unwell and go to a doctor who then gives a label to what it is that I am experiencing and gives me some medicine to feel well once again – without ever finding out how the dis-ease was created in the first place and what I can do about it so that it doesn’t happen again and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my wellbeing as the mind as happiness wherein I do not want this physical body of mine to be in pain / be unwell because then I am not able to be peaceful in my mind as my body is constantly reminding me that something is wrong and that it requires attention but I don’t want to look at it, as all I want to do is be happy and so I will do whatever it takes to make myself feel ‘normal’ again so I can continue to live in my mind undisturbed and uninterrupted by my body’s existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see disease / pain / nausea as a disturbance and just ‘want to get rid of it’ – instead of seeing / realising / understanding that my body is trying to give me a message going “HEEEELLLOOOOOOOOOO, anyone there??? Something’s up in your boooodyyy! Better check it ooooout” – but where I’ll just want to go SHHHT!! Because now I feel unwell and I can’t focus on the things I want to focus on as the things that apparently ‘matter’ in life as Mind Entertainment, where I can no longer entertain myself undisturbed within my mind as thoughts/fantasies/back chat because there’s this body nagging me which is constantly drawing attention away from my mind to the body and I want to be in my mind not my body and so I’ll go and look for a ‘quick fix’ as meds and painkillers to make the body shut the hell up so I can continue “living my life” – and so just suppress the Human Physical Body into silence, without ever investigating what was causing the discomfort in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my human physical body as a ‘nuisance’ – instead of seeing / realising that it is actually all in reverse and that it is the Mind which is the actual nuisance as I am living in constant fear but will deny this and patch up my fear experience by holding on / looking only at the ‘good things’ in life as hopes and dreams and will not for a moment question my limited reality as the Mind in the belief that it is ‘so much more’ than my human physical body without ever having actually investigated my human physical body and what it means to be here as my human physical body – because if I would have I would not be here protecting and defending my mind as ‘the greatest thing ever’ as it is the one thing keeping me confined in the limited space in my head – while my human body is part of the physical and is everywhere, showing me that the physical is actually superior to the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise that we are taught from an early age that what’s important is the Mind as the Pursuit of Happiness where we are told it is good to dream and to hope and that we should get out of Life whatever it is we want – without having been taught any consideration for our physical reality and within doing so we’ve manifested a world where beings go and chase their dreams and hopes and believe that they have the right to get out of life whatever it is they want because apparently they are ‘special’ as that is what our parents have told us, and that we ‘deserve the good things in life’ – while in the meantime within not giving attention to the physical reality we’ve manifested a world where half the population lives a life of misery within physical deprivation and we don’t care because we’re special and we have the right to have the ‘good life’ – too bad it didn’t work out for all those poor people suffering and starving but my mommy told me I am special and that I deserve the best, I’m not going to bother giving attention to you and your miserable existence because it makes me feel bad inside and I don’t want to feel bad, I want to feel good so I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore all you people living a life that I wouldn’t want to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is real and that my body is a nuisance without seeing / realising that without my body I am just a thought, and that at death my body will still be here and return to the Earth while who I am as the Mind will simply be deleted, removed – gone without its exit making any impact on the World because the Mind is not Physical and only the Physical can make an impact within a Physical Reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a little tick is more powerful than a single thought because it has an actual impact on this physical reality while all my Mind as thoughts can do is ramble about in my head without making any difference to the world at all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what is of importance is not the mind – but my physical body – as it is through my body that I am here on Earth ‘living my life’ and if it were not for my body I would not be here right now and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my human physical body for granted completely within not seeing / realising that I am completely dependent on my human physical body and its well-functioning for my existence and presence here on Earth – as I can be here on Earth without mind but I cannot be Here on Earth without a body

When and as I see myself going into an ‘observer’ mode upon noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physically body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am powerless as an observer as I can only observe – and thus I move myself into and as my body as physical awareness and check out what it that is ‘off’ within my body – and accordingly assist and support my body within re-aligning myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into fear as ‘What’s Happening to Me?!’ upon seeing / noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fear / distress because I do not understand what is going on and start making assumptions – instead I realise that I am my human physical body and am thus perfectly able to understand what is going if I stand here One and Equal as myself as my human physical body and check what is going on – and within checking what is going on I can direct myself to correct / assist myself within re-aligning myself to get myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into a state of self-victimization in relation to my body as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am a victim’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one placing myself into the position of powerlessness/victimization within separating myself from my human physical body and within this separation keep myself from being the self-directive principle – and thus I embrace myself as my human physical body and take self-responsibility for myself and allow myself to unconditionally check out / investigate my human physical body and what it is experiencing and within that assist myself in correcting the point which requires re-alignment

I commit myself to get to know my human physical body for the first time, to spend time with myself as my human physical body to actually find out how I operate as my body, how I experience myself as my body – and within doing so for the first time allow myself to develop an intimate relationship with myself as my human physical body

When and as I see myself wanting to reach for ‘external’ points / sources to tell me what to do / what is going on with myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am only further separating myself from my human physical body within wanting someone else to tell me what I am experiencing while I am perfectly able to see / identify what it is what I am experiencing because I am my body and I am my experience – I just haven’t allowed myself to see /realise it

I commit myself to show that we’ve never really ‘understood’ the human physical body and its biological processes/functionings as we’ve only ever studied/observed the human physical body from the starting point of separation as the ‘observers’ – where we’ve never allowed ourselves to develop an intimate relationship with and as ourselves as our human physical bodies – which implies that all information/knowledge available on the human physical body is within the form of interpretation as we’ve never cared to find out first-hand what is real and what is not

When and as I experience physical discomfort and go into a state of ‘What can I do to get rid of this’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this thought is indicating to me that I am not here as breath as my human physical body – but ‘out there’ in my mind not wanting to be disturbed by Reality, only wanting to tend to the physical discomfort so I can go back being interrupted within my Mind Reality – and so I bring myself here within and as Breath, move myself back into and as my body and re-organize my values and priorities as this incident is indicating to me that I am still holding on to the mind over matter – and within that I commit myself to investigate within self-honest self-reflection what it is that I am still holding on to and forgive myself

When and as I see myself making the association that my human physical body is a ‘nuisance’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being within the Mind within not wanting to tend to my physical body – because if I am here as my body I am no longer in the Mind which me as the Mind does not want because then it doesn’t get fed anymore – and so I commit myself to stick to Breath and do not accept and allow these ‘scare tactics’ of myself as the mind in keeping myself from what is Real as this Physical Reality because that’s the only place where I have power / am empowered – which is something my mind doesn’t want, and so it is really my mind which is the real nuisance and parasite which makes we want to believe that I can’t do without it

When and as I see myself going into a point of distraction of moving myself physically and applying myself in a way which will have a real physical impact within changing our current reality of Abuse to one that is Best for All -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting within self-interest and the belief that ‘I should be able to do what I want’ and ‘I should get the best out of life’ which is an attitude I’ve adopted within childhood as parents teach us that we are special which implies that others are ‘less’ – and so I stop participating within the distraction and remind myself of what is Real and what is of Importance and move myself back into and as my body as a physical statement of what really matters, and within that move myself to apply myself in a way that feeds What is Best for All and All Physical Bodies / Parts of Existence -- instead of only feeding what’s Best for my Limited Ego as the Mind within selfishness

I commit myself to show within my Journey to Life that what matters is this Physical Reality as we can see that what lasts is this Physical Reality, while the Mind can be deleted just like that – and does not contribute in any way to manifesting a World that is Best for All as the Mind only cares about itself at the expense of others

I commit myself to show that the little things we take for granted such as plants, bugs, animals, nature – have more impact on Reality than our Minds and as such we should seriously re-assess our values and beliefs as they based within delusion

I commit myself to tend and take care of myself as my human physical body, to be here within and as breath and for the first time allow myself to feel what it is like to walk, to pick things up, to write, to type, to eat, to drink – as I’ve only ever done all these physical actions from an automated mind perspective – and within that I am grateful to the tick to show me that I have never been here as my body and commit myself to use this opportunity of physical recovery to adjust myself and my behaviour within the Physical to one that is Real

I commit myself to be a student of Life through listening to the EQAFE interviews and reading the Blogs / material published by Desteni such as Heaven’s Journey to Life, Creation’s Journey to Life and Earth’s Journey to Life – as they in detail explain the processes of the Mind and Body and so assist myself within understanding myself and my Mind / Body processes so I can re-align myself from a Limited Mind Reality to a Shared Physical Existence and change my Self-Interested nature to one that cares about Other’s as Self and cares to manifest a World which is Best for All – as I understand that I do not yet have all the tools/information within walking my Process and require others to assist me in seeing / realising the extent of Self-Deception I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Be and Live as

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Day 36: Self as Creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to direct disease as myself – or that at the least it is something for ‘later in my process’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that if I am the creator of the tick, the virus and the experience of the disease – that I am equally able to direct the disease as myself since all of these variables / factors were me already in the first place –I just can’t remember creating it thanks to this fantastic thing I / we created where we forget all and everything at the point of ‘death’ and ‘birth’ and cycles of karma which we created deliberately to remove ourselves from ever taking self-responsibility within ‘not remembering’ what we’ve done

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ‘directing a disease as myself’ is not at all impossible within the realisation that I am in fact the creator of and everything and at the same time am part of creation within the realisation that we are all One as Substance and are all made from the same matter as this Physical Reality we all share

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from the tick that bit me and all ticks in existence within believing that “I was the victim of a tick” – instead of seeing and realising that the tick(s) is just another part of me as substance manifested in a different form but is still me in fact within the context of Physical Oneness an Equality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that anything in this world can only ever exist as a reflection of our nature – and so I cannot blame the tick for becoming sick as the tick is merely an external manifestation of what is already existent here within and as me as my very beingness and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame a tick for my experience within the attempt of not having to face my true parasitic nature which is merely revealed through the externalized manifestation of ticks and other parasites

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe / trust that it is impossible for me to direct disease as myself and that it is impossible for me to change – without seeing and realising that this is just another excuse / justification for not taking self-responsibility -- because if I acknowledge that self-change and self-trust is possible within the realisation that I am here as everything in fact – then this will mean that I will have to take responsibility for everything that is here as me in fact and get my ass in gear – which is something I’ve defined as scary and unwanted within myself and believe that I rather take only limited self-responsibility as the limited reality which is confined within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is completely possible to redirect my trust – where I am able to simply unconditionally redirect my trust of ‘not being able to change’ to ‘I am able to change’ -- and within that statement – change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have taken the realisation of ‘ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE’ and pull it through into practical application within every moment and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to beliefs of self-limitation within the religion of myself in the face of the countless times I have been shown and seen for myself that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

When and as I see myself going into an attitude of disbelief, where I do not trust myself to be able to change / direct myself as disease – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the creator of the disease as I am the creator of everything and part of creation as everything – and within the realisation that I am Equal and One with this physical reality within the sharing of Substance I commit myself to trust myself and move myself as disease within the understanding that the disease and my human physical body is me in fact

When and as I see myself postponing walking through a point – within the belief that ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘it’s something for later in my process’ and ‘not now / not yet’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there’s no point ‘postponing’ to walk through a point if the point is right here – the point is RIGHT HERE – and not LATER, so I embrace the point and walk the point unconditionally in self-trust and let go of all beliefs of self-limitation

I commit myself to remind myself and everyone else that we are in fact the creators of everything and are able to direct creation as ourselves in every possible way – and the only reason I / we are not able to do so is because we have not yet embraced self-responsibility within the realisation that we are One within this Physical Reality as Substance and have allowed ourselves to remain stuck in fragmented limited realities of ourselves as we believe that the only thing which is real is the Mind which for some reason we think is this *amazing* thing, while it’s the most limited thing existence

When and as I see myself looking at something as it being ‘out there’ and ‘separate’ from me – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that everything in existence is and has always only been an extension and reflection of ourselves so we can never really ‘observe’ or ‘behold’ anything which is not ME / US – and within that I commit myself to deconstruct and remove all the layers of separation as beliefs of ‘me and them’ and ‘me against the world’ as all I can ever be faced with is myself and so I commit myself to walk the process of the elimination of Self as the Mind as this is the most limited reality / version one can live in and as and I commit myself toembrace/amalgamate/integrate myself into and as the physical and explore what is possible FOR REAL

When and as I see myself blaming another for an experience I have within myself such as disease – I stop and I breathe – I remind myself that I am the creator of my experience and am perfectly able to direct the experience/disease as myself Equal and One

I commit myself to show that we cannot blame and point fingers at one another as everything and everyone are different parts of ourselves manifested in different externalized forms – but all are me / us in fact and so whenever we point fingers we are really just pointing fingers at ourselves, and so there is no point pointing fingers but to take self-responsibility as creators and move ourselves Equal and One towards what is Best for All so All Parts of ourselves in and as this Physical Reality can be taken Care of Equally within Dignity

When and as I see myself accessing and playing out the belief that ‘I can’t do this’, ‘it’s impossible’, ‘I can’t change’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is just another of my ‘tricks’ to not take self-responsibility and see/realise/understand that I am perfectly able to change – and so I move my trust of ‘not being able to change’ to trusting myself as change and I change in fact

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that taking responsibility for everything which is here as myself which is this Physical Reality in its entirety is ‘scary’ and ‘unwanted’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the only way Self-Responsibility can be Real if it is Self-Responsibility IN FACT, and this can only happen when everything in its totality is included within this point of Self-Responsibility and anything less is not real Self-Responsibility as one has not accepted and embraced All Parts of Self as Everything and Everyone in this Physical Reality and so there is really only one type of Self-Responsibility and this Self-Responsibility is All Encompassing

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I am unable to take Self-Responsibility as All Parts of Myself in and as this Physical Reality – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the scope may change but the Principle remains the same – and as such, nothing much changes and my application will be one and the same as acting within the Principle of what is Best for All within Self-Honesty and transforming this World and thus our Nature to one that is Best for All, so that All Parts of Myself are may be Equal and Equally taken care of

I commit myself to show that since we can trust we can trust whatever it is we want – and whatever we trust will be – and as such why not move our Trust in Separation and Inhumanity to Trust in Equality and Humanity as what is Best for All Life and Manifest / Create a World of Equality At Last

I commit myself to remind myself and others that we are in fact the creators of everything and everyone as we are of the same source as Physical Substance and show that we are able to create anything and move reality into any direction we want – and within that I commit myself to direct this reality as myself to one of Oneness and Equality where All Parts of Reality/Creation are taken care of Equally and Responsibly

Related articles

• Day 35: Reversing Trust
• Day 27: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever - Part 2
• Day 15: Self as Creator - Fear and Me - Part 5
• Day 126: TRUE ACTIVIST Humans Were Always Cruel
• Day 18: Angry at the World - Anger and Me - Part 3
• Day 14 - Trusting Fear - Anxiety and Me - Part 4

Day 28: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever – Part 3

When and as I hear horror stories / see scary movie scenes and react to them within fear – I stop and I breathe – I commit myself to investigate why I am allowing myself to be imprinted with fear and untangle these points within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I am faced with points of potential ‘danger’ and react within fear – I stop and I breathe – I look at what it is that I can do practically, as a common sense point of prevention as to not create any unnecessary consequence for myself, apply these points and then let go of the point of danger --- as I have seen/realised/understood/walked the point that pre-occupying oneself with fear is only worsening/limiting the situation for self and does not have any practical contribution to the problem – and so I let go, breathe and walk Here, in every moment of breath

When and as I see myself reaching for fear as a protection mechanism – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that reaching out to an experience of fear is like locking yourself up in your personal jail in the hope that nothing will happen to you / that you’re safe from the ‘outside world’ – but now within the fear of something happening, you’ve already trapped yourself – and so your own fear is really your own worst enemy – and thus I commit myself to investigate all patterns where I tend to reach for fear as a protection mechanism, write it out , let go and correct myself

When and as I see myself changing/altering my behaviour towards something or someone in my environment after having received a ‘new piece of information’ – I stop and I breathe – I see/realise/understand that I now have created a new relationship / new character in relation to the thing/being where I added my own layer/dimension– and started participating with them/it through this layer instead of participating with them actually, direct – and thus I commit myself to investigate my relationship with all beings, people, objects and remove all the illusionary layers and characters which I have created throughout my life based on memory as stored information – so I can finally allow myself to participate within this physical world for real, and let go of my own ‘personal/customized’ “version” of reality – which was never real

When and as I see myself reacting within fear when having to make a decision – I stop and I breathe – I look at all the points within common sense and make a decision within the moment – and if I find myself unable to consider all points effectively because of fear possession, I get someone else involved to cross-reference the information to make sure that I do not make stupid decisions, and in fact consider all the points/dimensions involved

I commit myself to not make my Life on Earth more unpleasant than it has to be – by committing myself to stop all Back Chat and remove all Characters which I’ve created/accumulated over the years – so I may finally be here, as this physical reality and find out how things work for real

Day 27: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever – Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to as a kid when listening to the stories about ticks, tick bite fever and it killing people – have accepted and allowed these stories to imprint ‘fear of ticks’ as ‘fear of death’ within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a kid when hearing stories about ticks, tick bite fever and death – have responded to this within myself from a starting point of fear – where I within the moment of hearing the stories allow myself to become completely irrational and be possessed by this feeling of petrification of ‘what if this happens to me ‘, and created a fear relationship with ticks instead of investigating the tick phenomena and taking the practical steps / pre-cautions when necessary to minimize the potential of being bitten by ticks – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an emotional relationship as fear towards ticks where whenever I was in long grass would pre-occupy my mind with ‘oh no what if there are ticks here’ and ‘I hope I don’t get bitten’ and ‘Eeek! What was that itchy sensation I just felt on my leg!” – where I allowed fear to possess me within every moment of my participation with nature instead of me being here, having taking the precautions and from there simply let go of the tick point – as I will either get bitten or not get bitten and being in my mind thinking, worrying and generating this fear experience will not make a damn difference to the outcome

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that before I ever heard of the tick stories I was fine playing and having fun in the grass – whereas when had been fed information about ticks (which when looking at it now was probably inaccurate / extremely exaggerated for the sake of making it sound more ‘horrific’ than it really is) this information now dominated my mind and changed my whole experience of being in grass/nature – where all I could think about was ticks – and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this ‘new information’ should in no way alter/change my behaviour/approach/expression within nature – as the same “threat” existed before, but because I was not aware of it, I did not allow it to limit my expression – whereas now I was ‘aware’ of the threat and allowed this to possess me as knowledge and information where I altered my behaviour and approach to being within nature because of this one point of ‘possibility’ – without seeing and realising that before I ever knew about ticks, the possibilities as statistical probabilities of me getting bitten by a tick were just the same – and so there’s really no reason why I should now be around nature with a constant cloud of fear within my head, as this will in no way change the possibility of me getting bitten by a tick or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that my ‘fear of ticks’ was ‘keeping me safe from ticks’ – where I believed that if I am possessed/pre-occupied with the fear of getting bitten by a tick I will be more alert and will be able to keep ticks off me – where I traded ‘me being here as breath in every moment, trusting that I will deal with ticks if and when I have to and having an enjoyable time in nature’ with ‘me living in my head as fear of ticks as fear of death hoping religiously and faithfully that if I keep fearing maybe the ticks won’t get to me while having no fun at all in nature’ -- wherein the latter I allow myself to abdicate all self-responsibility as I simply ‘hope’ that it won’t happen

What’s interesting with being in the hospital – was that the exact same thing happened, where the doctor was now feeding me ‘horror stories’ of people dying/being badly affected by tick bite fever – and my mind going  into that same fear frequency as it did when I was a kid, where I allowed fear to override all common sense and was willing to do anything to not make the horror story happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the doctor told me that he was going to keep me in the hospital for a few days because of those few rare cases where people die/get badly affected – have gone into completely fear mode, allowing fear to override all common sense and for a moment just be paralyzed and willing to comply with anything as long as it would mean that I’d be safe from the horror stories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust doctors blindly, because of the belief that ‘they are here to help people’ – without taking into consideration the Money Game which is currently behind every doctors practice – where, if I had been here as breath it would have been obvious to see that through his words he was scaring me into being admitted to the hospital, as this would give the hospital/him income

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally walk through an event – no matter what the outcome, within the realisation that having ideas/back chat about the event is not going to change/alter the outcome anyway – so why bother making the walk unpleasant by creating an inner hell about it, which is totally unnecessary

Day 26: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever

When I was a kid, me and my older brother and sister joined our local Scouting group and we’d do lots of outdoor activities and go on out on camps etc.

During that time I would hear stories from other kids within the group and other friends who were in scouting groups about kids who had gone camping with their scouting group and that a kid from their group had died during the night, and that they later found out that it was due to tick bites (or similar types of stories).

It was interesting, because these stories would go around as “horror stories” and from then on I was really scared of long grass and not wearing high boots and long pants in long grass from the fear of ticks and other bugs getting on to me and biting me.

Then years later I came to the Farm and there ticks became a part of daily life. Horses had ticks, dogs had ticks, cats had tick – humans had ticks! That was a bit of a shocker for me, because now all those horror stories started creeping up again going “don’t get bitten, you’re gonna DIE!!!”  Lol

In the beginning I had some issues with pulling off ticks from the dogs and the horses, especially those who’d been sucking for a while and they’re one big blood balloon, and once you pull them you kind of squash them at the same time and the blood then squirts around you, and in some unfortunate cases on you and your face (and in even more unfortunate events in your eyes and mouth).

But as it became a habit of pulling and killing ticks, it just became ‘normal’.

Then, last week Friday evening I started feeling very nauseous, feverish, my neck was stiffening up, I had a headache and I noticed that one of my lymph nodes by my groin was quite swollen. At first I didn’t connect all the symptoms together until I remember that I had an itchy insect bite close to the lymph node that was swollen (I didn't even know that it was a tickbite, as I had been scratching it through my pants and assumed it was a mosquito bite).

The next day we went to the doctor and they confirmed that I had tick bite fever. They wanted to keep me in the hospital for a few days, where the doctor was referring to some very rare cases where this type of tick bite fever causes brain problems and where once or twice a year they will have someone with the same symptoms that they have to hook up on respirators. So I as I heard that of course, I went into complete fear mode “what? Attack my brain? Be hooked up on machinery? Nooooooo” yet at the same time I could feel the deception coming from the doctor using fear to keep me in the hospital for a few days (which is very, VERY costly). Since a bunch of other people had had tick bite fever on the farm, and were all treated at home successfully with lots of rest and the right medicine, we requested to not be admitted and rather be discharged (so they can stop CHARGING us lol).

So now I’ve been sick for over a week, with some definitive improvement where I’m not in pain and feverish all the time, but it will creep up and subside in random patterns/cycles. The bite was pitch black with red around it (the black being dead skin tissue), and today the black bit got pushed out by my body, and now there’s just a hole in my leg that's busy healing.

It’s been quite an interesting week in terms of looking at all the fears and other bullshit that comes up in relation to being sick. And then also interesting in terms of being forced out of my normal daily schedule and being able to see all the various ideas and rules I had made up about my daily routine and tasks, which now seem obviously ridiculous – but while I was “in my pattern” as all the various things I had created and attached to my daily routines, and participating within it = I didn’t see it at all. 

For some reason my legs are also quite weak and I can only walk in “slow motion style” which has also been cool for me because I tend to rush from point A to B within the ‘menial’ little things we do in everyday life like eating, putting your dishes away, fetching this and that -- where I saw myself wanting to go into the same pattern of rushing but then as I turn around to move myself from point A to B, my body would literally hold me back and then I got reminded that I can only do the slow-mo walk – so I have been enjoying this point as well as literally having to slow myself down and being aware of every step I take.

So yeah, the whole being in pain and puking part sucks ass but at the same time it also shows you how a small thing like a tick can put your life ”upside down” for a moment and show you what really matters: which is this physically reality -- and that the mind as all the thoughts, feeling, emotions and back chat is really puny and non-important. Because while you’re sick all that matters is you as your physical body getting better and all the thoughts, worries, etc that I would experience during my daily life within my usual ‘routine’ were now completely irrelevant, and I could now see how they are completely unnecessary to living life.

 I am quite grateful for this somewhat painful reminder lol.

Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Commitments to follow…