Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Day 37: What’s Happening to Me?!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick, set myself up as the ‘observer’ within my body – where I experienced myself as merely ‘observing’ all these things ‘happening to me’ within my body – without for a moment stopping and realising that I am my body and so things can’t just happen ‘to me’ without me being part of its creation/development and direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things moving / have pain within my body – have gone into a mode of ‘Waaaooaah, what’s happening to me!?’ and just sit there being startled without for a moment seeing / realising that I am my body and that I can, as my body simply check what’s going on and assist myself as my body in moving / re-aligning myself to a point of optimum functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent, where I will ‘look’ at what it is that I am experiencing from an ‘outsider’ point of view- and for instance ‘look at my tummy’ when it is sore/nauseous, as if it is something ‘out there’ – without seeing / realising that I AM my tummy – and so there’s no point to just ‘sit there’ and ‘look’ at what is going on as a statement of separation, but instead realise that I am my tummy and I am the experience of pain/nausea – and so I can direct myself as my tummy as the nausea/pain Equal and One and correct / assist myself in moving through whatever is going on within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick and feeling unwell, have ‘stepped back’ into and has my mind’s chambers where I would just ‘sit’ there and ‘wait’ for my body and the medicine to do whatever – where I completely separated myself from the disease, the medicine and my body within the belief that ‘I am a victim’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am weak’, ‘I can’t do anything but wait it out’ – without seeing and realising that I am in fact my body, the disease and the medicine and can thus direct all these points as myself Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the habit of whenever I would experience something such as illness, pain, nausea – have gone into a reactive mode of ‘Woah, what’s happening to me??!!’ – where I immediately would go into fear of not understanding what is going on and freak out / cry /worry – without seeing and realising that I can only experience things as ‘happening to me’ and ‘not understanding what’s happening to me’ when I am in a complete state of separation in relation to my body – where I merely take in a little compartment in my mind, being completely oblivious to my human physical body, its processes and how it functions – so that when I am in pain or something is ‘off’ – I go into complete fear/anxiety/stress because I am suddenly reminded of this ‘human body’ I have, and freak out because I’ve never allowed myself to get to know myself as my human physical body within the belief that who I am is limited to my mind – and so I am confused and distressed as I don’t know what to do with this experience as I haven’t considered that I am my body and can thus I can simply be here as my body and check out what’s happening and accordingly assist and support myself in re-aligning my body to well-functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things such as pain/nausea/disease go into a state of panic and distress as I believe that ‘I do not know what’s going on’ and ‘I don’t know what to do about this’ – and then within this fear reach out to other people such as my parents/teachers, where I will go to them and ask for feedback on what’s happening to me – wherein they also react into fear and distress as they don’t know what to do either– and where they will go and get me to a doctor to tell us ‘what is going on’ because we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from our bodies to such an extent that we believe that we can’t tell ‘what’s going on’ and that we need someone who’s learnt about the human body from books to tell us what is going on and give us medicine to “fix us” where the medicine will take care of the symptoms so that we do not have to experience pain/nausea/sickness and get back to a point where we can once again be completely unaware of our bodies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel physically unwell, trust doctors and other so called ‘medical authorities’ to tell me what is wrong and tell me what to do – without seeing and realising that these people know as much as I do – because they too have separated themselves from their bodies as they have gone and studied the body ‘from books’ and never investigated / studied their own bodies from the starting point that they are their bodies and can thus see / realise / understand how the body works and functions from this Equal and One starting point – but since they, just as me, have separated themselves from their bodies – they only have limited knowledge on how the body works and this knowledge can only ever be within the form of ‘interpretation’ as all studies done in relation to the body have always been done from the starting point of separation and observation - and never from a starting point of Physical Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with the way we currently treat our bodies within the context of disease – where I will feel unwell and go to a doctor who then gives a label to what it is that I am experiencing and gives me some medicine to feel well once again – without ever finding out how the dis-ease was created in the first place and what I can do about it so that it doesn’t happen again and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my wellbeing as the mind as happiness wherein I do not want this physical body of mine to be in pain / be unwell because then I am not able to be peaceful in my mind as my body is constantly reminding me that something is wrong and that it requires attention but I don’t want to look at it, as all I want to do is be happy and so I will do whatever it takes to make myself feel ‘normal’ again so I can continue to live in my mind undisturbed and uninterrupted by my body’s existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see disease / pain / nausea as a disturbance and just ‘want to get rid of it’ – instead of seeing / realising / understanding that my body is trying to give me a message going “HEEEELLLOOOOOOOOOO, anyone there??? Something’s up in your boooodyyy! Better check it ooooout” – but where I’ll just want to go SHHHT!! Because now I feel unwell and I can’t focus on the things I want to focus on as the things that apparently ‘matter’ in life as Mind Entertainment, where I can no longer entertain myself undisturbed within my mind as thoughts/fantasies/back chat because there’s this body nagging me which is constantly drawing attention away from my mind to the body and I want to be in my mind not my body and so I’ll go and look for a ‘quick fix’ as meds and painkillers to make the body shut the hell up so I can continue “living my life” – and so just suppress the Human Physical Body into silence, without ever investigating what was causing the discomfort in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my human physical body as a ‘nuisance’ – instead of seeing / realising that it is actually all in reverse and that it is the Mind which is the actual nuisance as I am living in constant fear but will deny this and patch up my fear experience by holding on / looking only at the ‘good things’ in life as hopes and dreams and will not for a moment question my limited reality as the Mind in the belief that it is ‘so much more’ than my human physical body without ever having actually investigated my human physical body and what it means to be here as my human physical body – because if I would have I would not be here protecting and defending my mind as ‘the greatest thing ever’ as it is the one thing keeping me confined in the limited space in my head – while my human body is part of the physical and is everywhere, showing me that the physical is actually superior to the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise that we are taught from an early age that what’s important is the Mind as the Pursuit of Happiness where we are told it is good to dream and to hope and that we should get out of Life whatever it is we want – without having been taught any consideration for our physical reality and within doing so we’ve manifested a world where beings go and chase their dreams and hopes and believe that they have the right to get out of life whatever it is they want because apparently they are ‘special’ as that is what our parents have told us, and that we ‘deserve the good things in life’ – while in the meantime within not giving attention to the physical reality we’ve manifested a world where half the population lives a life of misery within physical deprivation and we don’t care because we’re special and we have the right to have the ‘good life’ – too bad it didn’t work out for all those poor people suffering and starving but my mommy told me I am special and that I deserve the best, I’m not going to bother giving attention to you and your miserable existence because it makes me feel bad inside and I don’t want to feel bad, I want to feel good so I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore all you people living a life that I wouldn’t want to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is real and that my body is a nuisance without seeing / realising that without my body I am just a thought, and that at death my body will still be here and return to the Earth while who I am as the Mind will simply be deleted, removed – gone without its exit making any impact on the World because the Mind is not Physical and only the Physical can make an impact within a Physical Reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a little tick is more powerful than a single thought because it has an actual impact on this physical reality while all my Mind as thoughts can do is ramble about in my head without making any difference to the world at all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what is of importance is not the mind – but my physical body – as it is through my body that I am here on Earth ‘living my life’ and if it were not for my body I would not be here right now and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my human physical body for granted completely within not seeing / realising that I am completely dependent on my human physical body and its well-functioning for my existence and presence here on Earth – as I can be here on Earth without mind but I cannot be Here on Earth without a body

When and as I see myself going into an ‘observer’ mode upon noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physically body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am powerless as an observer as I can only observe – and thus I move myself into and as my body as physical awareness and check out what it that is ‘off’ within my body – and accordingly assist and support my body within re-aligning myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into fear as ‘What’s Happening to Me?!’ upon seeing / noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fear / distress because I do not understand what is going on and start making assumptions – instead I realise that I am my human physical body and am thus perfectly able to understand what is going if I stand here One and Equal as myself as my human physical body and check what is going on – and within checking what is going on I can direct myself to correct / assist myself within re-aligning myself to get myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into a state of self-victimization in relation to my body as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am a victim’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one placing myself into the position of powerlessness/victimization within separating myself from my human physical body and within this separation keep myself from being the self-directive principle – and thus I embrace myself as my human physical body and take self-responsibility for myself and allow myself to unconditionally check out / investigate my human physical body and what it is experiencing and within that assist myself in correcting the point which requires re-alignment

I commit myself to get to know my human physical body for the first time, to spend time with myself as my human physical body to actually find out how I operate as my body, how I experience myself as my body – and within doing so for the first time allow myself to develop an intimate relationship with myself as my human physical body

When and as I see myself wanting to reach for ‘external’ points / sources to tell me what to do / what is going on with myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am only further separating myself from my human physical body within wanting someone else to tell me what I am experiencing while I am perfectly able to see / identify what it is what I am experiencing because I am my body and I am my experience – I just haven’t allowed myself to see /realise it

I commit myself to show that we’ve never really ‘understood’ the human physical body and its biological processes/functionings as we’ve only ever studied/observed the human physical body from the starting point of separation as the ‘observers’ – where we’ve never allowed ourselves to develop an intimate relationship with and as ourselves as our human physical bodies – which implies that all information/knowledge available on the human physical body is within the form of interpretation as we’ve never cared to find out first-hand what is real and what is not

When and as I experience physical discomfort and go into a state of ‘What can I do to get rid of this’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this thought is indicating to me that I am not here as breath as my human physical body – but ‘out there’ in my mind not wanting to be disturbed by Reality, only wanting to tend to the physical discomfort so I can go back being interrupted within my Mind Reality – and so I bring myself here within and as Breath, move myself back into and as my body and re-organize my values and priorities as this incident is indicating to me that I am still holding on to the mind over matter – and within that I commit myself to investigate within self-honest self-reflection what it is that I am still holding on to and forgive myself

When and as I see myself making the association that my human physical body is a ‘nuisance’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being within the Mind within not wanting to tend to my physical body – because if I am here as my body I am no longer in the Mind which me as the Mind does not want because then it doesn’t get fed anymore – and so I commit myself to stick to Breath and do not accept and allow these ‘scare tactics’ of myself as the mind in keeping myself from what is Real as this Physical Reality because that’s the only place where I have power / am empowered – which is something my mind doesn’t want, and so it is really my mind which is the real nuisance and parasite which makes we want to believe that I can’t do without it

When and as I see myself going into a point of distraction of moving myself physically and applying myself in a way which will have a real physical impact within changing our current reality of Abuse to one that is Best for All -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting within self-interest and the belief that ‘I should be able to do what I want’ and ‘I should get the best out of life’ which is an attitude I’ve adopted within childhood as parents teach us that we are special which implies that others are ‘less’ – and so I stop participating within the distraction and remind myself of what is Real and what is of Importance and move myself back into and as my body as a physical statement of what really matters, and within that move myself to apply myself in a way that feeds What is Best for All and All Physical Bodies / Parts of Existence -- instead of only feeding what’s Best for my Limited Ego as the Mind within selfishness

I commit myself to show within my Journey to Life that what matters is this Physical Reality as we can see that what lasts is this Physical Reality, while the Mind can be deleted just like that – and does not contribute in any way to manifesting a World that is Best for All as the Mind only cares about itself at the expense of others

I commit myself to show that the little things we take for granted such as plants, bugs, animals, nature – have more impact on Reality than our Minds and as such we should seriously re-assess our values and beliefs as they based within delusion

I commit myself to tend and take care of myself as my human physical body, to be here within and as breath and for the first time allow myself to feel what it is like to walk, to pick things up, to write, to type, to eat, to drink – as I’ve only ever done all these physical actions from an automated mind perspective – and within that I am grateful to the tick to show me that I have never been here as my body and commit myself to use this opportunity of physical recovery to adjust myself and my behaviour within the Physical to one that is Real

I commit myself to be a student of Life through listening to the EQAFE interviews and reading the Blogs / material published by Desteni such as Heaven’s Journey to Life, Creation’s Journey to Life and Earth’s Journey to Life – as they in detail explain the processes of the Mind and Body and so assist myself within understanding myself and my Mind / Body processes so I can re-align myself from a Limited Mind Reality to a Shared Physical Existence and change my Self-Interested nature to one that cares about Other’s as Self and cares to manifest a World which is Best for All – as I understand that I do not yet have all the tools/information within walking my Process and require others to assist me in seeing / realising the extent of Self-Deception I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Be and Live as


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