Sunday, 26 August 2012

Day 40: This is What Death Looks Like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become a fear-reactor

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate everything which I perceive in my world back to fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and interpret everything through a customized fear-filter which I created and built over time as accumulated memories through which I have formed my perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when having seen myself in the bathroom mirror for the first time after having been sick after a few days – and seeing my greasy hair and how much weight I had lost in just a few days – have reacted within shock/surprise and where within a split second a picture came up as a memory of when I went to see my mother in the hospital for the first time when I had been told that she had cancer, and having been surprised at how skinny she had gotten and how bad she looked with her skinny frame and greasy hair – and where I connected this picture presentation of ‘skinny and greasy hair’ to ‘cancer’ and ‘cancer’ to ‘death’ – and so within a single moment instilled ‘fear of death’ within and as me simply within that one moment of seeing myself in the mirror, being surprised/shocked and not knowing how I should exactly ‘feel’ about what I see – have gone and delved within my database of memories and pictures, flipped through all the various memories as images stored inside myself until I found a memory/picture which had similar features to the one I was seeing now – where the points of ‘greasy hair’ and ‘skinny’ stood out – have identified a memory/image as a ‘match’, taken it ‘out of storage’ and upload the memory/image in and as myself within that moment, where I then  ‘pasted’ the energy experience associated with the stored memory/image of my mother having cancer, unto the current moment of me seeing myself being skinny and having greasy hair – and so ‘defined’ the moment for myself as ‘this is what death looks like’ – and all that, in less than a split second

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an automated organic robot which functions no different than the computer I am writing on this very moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I went to see my mother when she had cancer and seeing how skinny/bony she was and greasy hair – have connected the picture presentation of ‘being skinny and having greasy hair’ to the manifestation of ‘cancer’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a definitive relation inside myself with the point of ‘cancer’ and ‘death’ – where through education, parenting, media – cancer and death were almost always mentioned simultaneously – and where cancer has been portrayed as the ‘number one enemy’ as there is ‘no cure for cancer’ and ‘make sure you check yourself for cancer, because YOU COULD DIE!’ and other fear propagating campaigns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my mom had cancer, have believed that she would die through all the various memories of having seen/heard moments where cancer was followed by death in movies/news/internet stories – and where I connected my mom being skinny/bony and having greasy hair to ‘this is what death must look like’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ‘being skinny/bony and having greasy’ does not have to be ‘what death looks like’ – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I MADE THE DECISION that ‘being skinny and having greasy hair’ is ‘what death looks like’ – while this is not a reality but a made up idea which I try to impose upon reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to within the moment of seeing myself in the bathroom mirror and seeing how greasy my hair was and how skinny/bony I had become and experiencing shock/confusion about what I was seeing – have gone into memory to ‘define’ my experience for me where I defined it as ‘this is what death look like’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here within and as Breath as my Human Physical body – where instead of going into reactive irrational fear towards the image I was seeing in the mirror – would have seen/understood that the body within being sick may temporarily have to appeal to additional resources such as fat and muscle tissue within the body in order to assist itself within the energy intensive process of re-aligning itself – and thus the ‘being skinny’ is simply a biomechanical consequence of one’s body working through disease – and does not have to mean anything more than that – and where the ‘greasy hair’ is simply a consequence of not prioritizing one’s looks as one is sick and not going out in any ‘public spaces’ where ‘appearance’ is apparently ‘important’ – and as such there is no point wasting one’s energy within trying to look ‘presentable’ as it is more practical to preserve one’s resource to assist the body within its process of restructuring


I commit myself to change my daily living within and as fear to daily living within and as Breath as the only point within which one can be Free

I commit myself to deconstruct myself as the ‘Fear Character’ within my Journey to Life in specificity and diligence – to no more accept and allow myself to live within a restricted version of reality behind the self-created prison bars of fear

I commit myself to identify and unravel all the fear points which in totality make up the ‘Fear Character’ which dominates my life – so that I can emerge as Life from the Physical and no more allow such self-constricting bullshit

When and as I see myself not being able to ‘place myself within a situation’ and go look for ‘past memories’ which have ‘similar features’ to the situation I am in within an attempt to ‘define my experience’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that hauling in the past and pasting past experienced unto the current moment is in no way assisting or supporting myself within ‘placing myself within a situation’ – as I am actually taking myself ‘out’ of the current moment and back into the past – and so distorting/falsifying the current moment with past experiences and then believe this “new” experience to ‘real’ – while all it is, is the recycling of memories

Within that, I commit myself to show that we only ever lived as characters within our daily lives, where we wake up in the morning and see our alarm clocks, and then filter through all the various memories we have of waking up in the mornings and seeing our alarm clocks, and then picking out the one which resembles the current picture the most and paste the past experience which is stored in the memory unto the current experience and believe this experience to be ‘real’ and what is going on ‘now’ – while all the while we never experience anything ‘new’ but our limited reality as our personality as the result of accumulated memories – and so with every new moment, every new picture we perceive through our eyes, all we do is filter through our database and give every moment as we walk through our day ‘meaning’ through past memories/experiences which have some correlation to the current moment as image presentation/smell/sound/taste where we use our senses in a limited fashion to dig up old memories with similar sensory signatures similar to the moment we are experiencing now – and within that override the current moment through imposing past experiences so we may never see what is really going on and what is really happening within our world as we keep ourselves locked within ‘what we already know’ as stored memories so we will not hear/listen when something is presented which is not already contained in our memory database such as the Desteni Message as it goes against everything we know and everything we’ve believed about ourselves and the world and so we will shun it and reject so we can uphold our Fort as our Character Reality and never change

I commit myself to show how we are all just organic robots no different from our Macs and PCs – where our actions and decisions are the outputs of inputs and where these inputs are determined by memory as childhood and parenting where how our parents brought us up in this world has a major effect on Character and as such it is of major importance to deconstruct our relationships with ourselves as imprinted by our parents

When and as I see myself accessing associations within a current moment’s picture presentation – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am moving away from the current moment into my mind as past experience whereby I am making something ‘more’ out of the current moment than what it is – which is proof of the inner psychotic in me and as such I cannot be trusted. Within that I commit myself to snap myself out of these moments and bring myself Here, into and as Breath and my Human Physical Body and what is REAL

I commit myself to show that Cancer is not the Number One Enemy as Cancer is only a reflection/consequence of who we are and how we treat one another – where cancer is the result from unequal treatment and as such we will manifest this inequality within ad as ourselves as manifested consequence to remind ourselves from our true nature and as such there will never be a Cure for Cancer as long as we do not Cure our Human Nature and Purify it to one that is Best for All Life

I commit myself to educate and train myself within common sense practicality within removing the layers of deception as Fears within and as me – so I may see the workings of Reality for what it is instead of seeing my personalized assumption customized through my Fear Character and living my Li(e)fe out in an Illusion


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