Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Day 32: Fear of Speaking - Part 4

From previous blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between ‘not being able to respond to someone’ and ‘weakness/embarrassment’ within and through memory where as a small child someone got really angry at me for something I did/said where I went into a complete mode of petrification and did not know how to respond to what was being said and where I peed my pants because of the amount of fear I was experiencing and not knowing how to deal with the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was 'weak' and 'embarrassing' for me as a child, to have not been able to respond when someone was angry and screaming at me, where the fear was so intense that I peed my pants and shut down inside myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that me as a child not being able to respond, being petrified and peeing my pants has got nothing to do with being 'weak' or being 'an embarrassment' -- as I within that moment I had no clue / practical tools available for myself in terms of how to deal with the situation, as my parents and the education system never taught me how to deal with people who are emotionally possessed and how to deal with one's own inner reality

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me not having been able to respond, being petrified and peeing in my pants in the face of someone who was emotionally possessed was the result of a lack of education, which only reflected the lack of education within my environment -- where parents and school do not teach children how the mind functions, so one can within an event of emotional possession of another being, see / realise / understand what is going on within the context of the Mind and the Back Chat which caused the other person to go into an emotional possession, and to see / realise / understand that this is nothing to be feared, as the person is merely displaying their mental disorders and their behaviour is not to be taken personal

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me as a child not being able to respond, being petrified and peeing in my pants in the face of someone being emotionally possessed was not because of any 'weakness' on my part -- but merely an indication that we human beings take for granted our inner reality as emotions and feelings and do not care to integrate this as basic components within a child's education and as basic components within parents' parenting as we've accepted our emotions and feelings as part of 'human nature' and so as 'okay' and within that never cared to establish a platform of support in terms of dealing with a person who is emotionally possessed as it is seen as 'normal', and simply expect our kids to "deal with it" without seeing / realising / understanding that the children have never been given the tools to "deal with it" and so they don't actually "deal with it" but suppress it and through time develop the same mental instabilities as emotionally possession which they direct towards others and so continue the cycle of mental disorder

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child not being able to respond, being petrified and peeing my pants in the face of an emotionally possessed person -- have taken the event personal -- where I truly believed that I was the one who created the person's reaction towards me -- instead of seeing and realising that I merely acted as a 'trigger' within that moment which activated an emotional possession within the other which had already long been brewing before I opened my mouth / did anything -- and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a society and human race which does not encourage self responsibility within not questioning our behaviour and the behaviour of others such as that of emotional possession where we believe it is justified to act out and direct our possession towards another, because we truly believe that we are not responsible for how we experience ourselves within ourselves and that we are but 'victims' of our own nature and instill this dogma unto the children ensuring the continuation of this belief
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