Saturday, 18 August 2012

Day 34: Fear of Speaking - The End

When and as I want to say something to someone and see myself going into fear within accessing memories of the past -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am merely accessing and recycling memories from the past and thus not being here, where I am attempting to impose past experiences as memories unto the current moment and within that altering/modifying the present moment into something which it is not -- and so I commit myself to within those moments take a deep breath and simply speak, and to break the pattern of the past through me being here

When and as I see myself going into fear when wanting to say something which is against the grain of what another just said / did -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise how I have created this fear and realise that I do not have to be in fear, since I have seen and realised for myself how this construct works and how it does not serve -- thus I stop and I speak

When and as I see myself going into fear of becoming emotional -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within fearing becoming emotional, I am in fact stating that I am not the directive principle and that I am a victim of my emotions -- and so I stop this fear and trust myself as the directive principle and I commit myself to unconditionally be here and walk through the event

When and as I see myself going into the 'Fear of Speaking Character' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within participating in the 'Fear of Speaking Character' I am being untrue to myself and diminishing myself little by little -- revealing to myself how little self-worth and self-respect I have for myself -- and since this is something I do not want for myself, I stop and I speak

When and as I see myself being disappointed with myself for having accessed and played out the 'Fear of Speaking Character' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have built/created this character over time, memory by memory -- and thus it is going to take an equal process of deconstruction - removing the layers of information as memories and practically living the correction over and over again until I have re-aligned the Fear of Speaking Character as myself to what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself going into the fear of 'what if the person is gonna come back at me' when wanting to speak -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that if I give in to this fear I am only ever going to remain a limited version of myself which will always give into fear and never give herself a break, and since this is something I do not want to live I commit myself to breathe through the fear and speak unconditionally no matter the reaction / outcome / response of the other person -- because no matter what they say, at least I know I have been true to myself within allowing myself to speak

When and as I see myself accessing ideas about how conversations are supposed to go and what I should be like -- I stop and I breathe, I see and realise that I am limiting myself within wanting to act according to how I think things *should be* -- where if I see myself being unable to attain this particular idea, I hold back -- within that I commit myself to let go of all preconceived ideas of how things should be and should go and commit myself to unconditionally walk through an event without fearing the outcome

When and as I see myself accessing the fear of being embarrassed -- I stop and I breath -- I see and realise that the fear of embarrassment merely indicates that I am facing a point which I have not yet embraced as myself, and so I commit myself to unconditionally walk through the point / event and within doing so embrace the point of embarrassment and see / realise that I am the creator of the embarrassment and there is nothing to be embarrassed about

When and as I see myself pointing fingers to another as if they are the reason / cause of my inner experience -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am deflecting taking self-responsibility and so I stop and direct myself as my inner experience and take responsibility for my own creation

I commit myself to purify my vocabulary to one that is Best for All and within purifying my vocabulary purifying myself to live words that are best for all

When and as I see myself reaching for the past as memories to tell me what to do -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that by relying on the past as memories to tell me what to do I am never going to get anywhere as I am only recycling the past into the present -- Instead I commit myself to breath and trust myself to direct myself within common sense practicality

When and as I see myself judging myself as a child for not being able to respond to a particular situation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I had not been given / taught practical tools on how to deal with any and all situations where emotional possession is one of them -- and so there is no point in judging myself as within judging myself I am only further limiting myself and keeping myself from expanding and learning from my mistakes

When and as I see myself taking it personal when a person reacts emotionally to something I said or did -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that the other person's reaction is created by them and has got nothing to do with me / who I am, and that I merely functioned as a trigger within that moment which brought up to the surface something which was already existent within them before I opened my mouth / did something

I commit myself to establish a Society which understands the role the Mind plays and how the Mind functions -- where the functioning of the Mind is part of basic education so that children may be taught how their own mind and that of others works so they can see for themselves what happens when someone gets emotionally possessed, can see how it happened and see that it is not their fault

I commit myself to expose how children currently are only taught garbage and no practical Life skills whatsoever which they can use and apply every day in their Life to assist and support themselves -- and where any point of emotional stability only gets addressed with medication to be suppressed and so the root / cause never gets investigated / discovered / discussed -- where we end up in a world where no human really knows how they function and find themselves as victims to their own mind unable to take self-responsibility

When and as I see myself holding back on saying something within accessing the fear of 'how is this going to influence their opinion of me?' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this attitude does not serve me or anyone else, as I've seen / realised / understood that not speaking for the sake of maintaining someone's opinion of me is a permission to abuse -- and since I do not want to stand for abuse I will not stand for not speaking for the sake of 'being liked' -- and so I commit myself to walk through the fear and simply speak as I know that if I don't I will regret it anyway and be disappointed with myself -- and within that create that exactly which I feared, which is someone not liking me -- and that person is ME

When and as I see myself wanting to let something potentially harmful go by unnoticed, because I fear that if I will speak that the person involved might not like me anymore -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this thinking pattern is completely unacceptable and that me allowing abuse for the sake of me maintaining my 'image' is completely ludicrous, as I am allowing something REAL to get damaged for the sake of up keeping an ILLUSION which only exists in my head

I commit myself to investigate and expose the consequences of the politics/popularity game – where people and beings get hurt as a result/consequence of someone’s popularity game within ‘wanting to be liked’ – where we will allow abuse for the sake of people liking us while this should be of no value whatsoever because what is the point of being liked by people who abuse / allow abuse anyway?

I commit myself to investigate the nature of ‘wanting to be liked’ within myself unconditionally as I see that this is not only self-destructive but destructive to the environment as a whole and within that I commit myself to restructure my values and priorities to always respect and maintain what is Best for All Life instead of only caring about what’s best for my own created personal illusion
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