Day 198: What is going on Inside me? - Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 196: Irresistible Urge to Resist and Rebel
Day 197: What is going on Inside me?

When and as I see myself react in response to someone saying / asking me something and where I do not immediately understand/know what to do with the experience and react to it within interpreting what I *think* is going on – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting and rushing instead of breathing and investigating and so I commit myself to stop, let go of the reaction and have a look at what happened / zoom in into the chain of events to identify what happened so I can give myself and the situation direction

When and as I see myself react within fear and confusion to my experience when sensing something is ‘off’ when someone says something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am faced with a point that I have not yet investigated for myself and so I commit myself to slow down and investigate the point for myself

When and as I see myself going into backchat after having had a particular experience that I did not entirely understood – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that back chat is the result of thought accumulation and so I commit myself to trace my steps back and see where I missed a point that required direction/correction that was left untouched and give it direction

When and as I see myself wanting to immediately distance myself and object/protest/rebel against someone after they say / ask something without really knowing why – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is a point for me here to look at and that its never advisable to just ‘follow an inclination’ simply because it is ‘strong’ and so I commit myself to stop myself as I feel the urge, breathe, let go and investigate the chain of events

When and as I see myself ignore/brush away an experience within the assumption that ‘I’m probably just projection’ from the starting point of wanting to get this experience ‘over with’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely trying to give myself an answer for the sake of ‘moving on’ without actually, effectively moving/working with the point and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and investigate instead of assume

When and as I see that an experience keeps re-occurring no matter how many times I try to stop it – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that my approach is not working and thus commit myself to find a different way / alternative as to how to approach the point

When and as I see myself starting to take out my frustration and irritation internally unto another – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this indicate that the point has already gone to far and way off track and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and trace back the steps to identify the point of origin and correct myself within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself invert an experience in relation to another where I overanalyse and interpret the experience instead of talking/speaking as the experience emerge – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have left experiences to ‘wander around’ in the past where they were left to grow and compound with no direction and so I commit myself to speak as it emerge and open up the point unconditionally

Day 197: What is going on Inside me?

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 196: Irresistible Urge to Resist and Rebel
 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my experience when hearing another person speak where I did not know what to do with the experience and instead of looking directly at what is gone, went into fear and from there interpreted what ‘must be going on’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear and confusion to my experience when sensing something was ‘off’ when someone sad something instead of seeing and realising that whatever goes on inside me IS me and thus I should be able to see, assess and direct what is going on

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to breathe effectively when noticing the experience coming up inside me, where instead of being here, seeing and acknowledging I reacted and went into fear and confusion and interpreted what was going on which from there merely accumulated into further interpretation and back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within not understanding what is going on, to immediately want to distance myself from the person and object/protest/rebel against what it is they said without even really knowing why

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately want to object/protest/rebel/do the opposite of what the person is saying or asking without understanding why and without looking at whether it makes any sense at all to act this way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a moment/breather to investigate my experience but instead in wanting to ‘get over with it’, brushed it off as ‘oh it’s probably just me / I must be projecting’ without actually investigating it, just so as to be able to give myself an answer to my confusion so that I can ‘get on’ with my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the experience and within this passiveness, allowed this experience and my reaction to it to just keep ‘swimming around’ within me without any form of direction where it accumulates and kind of goes ‘hello, heeeelllooo, HEEELLOOOOOO’ desperately wanting my attention to acknowledge its existence and give it direction where each time the experience would come up I would just kind of ‘No, go away – what are you doing here’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if my method of dealing with an experience is not working as in stopping it and ‘brushing it off’, where it keeps on coming back that obviously I need to change my method/approach and try something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my experience of frustration accumulate within not knowing how to deal with this experience wherein I started to misdirect/misguide this frustration/annoyance/irritation with myself and my inability to deal unto the other person where I started creating new layers/dimensions to the point and making things more complicated instead of stopping, and tracing back all the steps aaaall the way to the beginning and really see what is going on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the tendency to invert all my experiences in relation to other people where I overanalyse and interpret them instead of talking/speaking/expressing as it comes up – where I leave the experience to wander and grow instead of opening it open and directing it