Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3
Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions
Day 161: Become an Image and be Treated as an Image
Day 162: Eating Disorders and Unforetold Consequences
Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion
Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a starting point of separation, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require something ‘out there’ to fill me up with ‘passion and commitment’ and so I commit myself to identify where I perceive that I am lacking commitment and passion within my life where I want to make up for that lack within finding something else to be passionate/committed about and commit myself to apply commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life and see myself going into that movement of ‘looking out there’ and ‘wondering where I can find passion’ I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that commitment and passion is already here as myself and so I commit myself to apply and express commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself go into an application of obsession within wanting to be committed/passionate – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a polarity design where I perceived myself lacking any and all ability to be passionate/committed and within that go into the opposite polarity of being obsessive, where I allow myself to be completely obsessed with whatever point I decided to go with – where there is no space for expression of flexibility, but only a one dimensional focus which is doomed to burn out as it is based on energy instead of self-realization

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment in my life and look for it outside of myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely diverting/distracting myself from investigating my application where I have detected a point that can be perfected / specified, but where instead of dealing with that point, I go and look for something else to perfect so that I can fool myself to still experience myself as satisfied without actually having taken self-responsibility and so I commit myself to look at the points where I know I can improve myself and commit myself to passionately take on these points and perfect them for myself

When and as I see myself go into a mode of ‘adoration’ and ‘idolizing’ within seeing people with an Eating Disorder / contemplating Eating Disorders within the belief that what I am looking at is diligence, discipline, willpower and commitment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is exactly what the nature of Eating Disorders is about, where I/we have accepted and allowed ourselves to have created a distorted and disharmonious definition of what it means to be diligent, disciplined, will powered and committed – while we actually have not ever lived true diligence, true discipline, true will power and true commitment – as I have seen and realised through walking the Desteni Process, that true commitment, diligence, discipline and willpower has got nothing to do with occupying oneself with impose an image/illusion unto physical reality – that is an easy thing to do – what takes real discipline, commitment, diligence and willpower is to investigate the nature of ourselves as who we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become, to see and realise the dishonesty and destruction we’ve become and to walk the process of correcting our nature of self-destruction to one of Self-Support towards ourselves and all other forms of Life as ourselves – where one move and push to become the best possible version of themselves and within doing so assist others to do the same: This is the REAL Challenge and the only Journey of Self-Perfection worth walking

Visit the Desteni I Process Lite website to start your journey to Self Perfection today

Related articles

• Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance
• Day 274: Eating Disorders and Desteni
• Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Writing - Part 3
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• Day 276: Bulimia and Desteni

Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3
Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions
Day 161: Become an Image and be Treated as an Image
Day 162: Eating Disorders and Unforetold Consequences
Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion
 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have perceived a sense of ‘Perfection’ within viewing/observing people with an Eating Disorder, wherein I admired their discipline, commitment, passion and willpower – where they continued to walk the decision they made ‘against all odds’, even when those closest around them did not support them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked at eating disorders from only a one dimensional perspective, where I saw only what I wanted to see and did not see the destructiveness, obsession and complete loss of control within having abdicated one’s life to the only purpose of maintaining one’s eating disorder

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the commitment, willpower, diligence, discipline and passion was not one of expression – where the person is expressing and applying these points as themselves – but where instead through a process of accumulation, one has become the slave to one’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and imagination to such an extent that they just can’t stop to the point of Death

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what I was observing as the commitment, willpower, diligence, discipline and passion within a person with an Eating Disorder was in fact a display of what happens when one gives over and abdicates one’s self-responsibility – allowing the mind to dictate one’s actions to the most absolute extent - against all common sense consideration

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what I perceived and admired as commitment, willpower, diligence, discipline and passion within a person with an ED was not the expression of the person as a point of Self-Movement, but a display of the ruthlessness of the Mind – as a point of obsession, limitation, enslavement and destructiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have romanticized the manifestation of eating disorders within not understanding how the Mind and Reality actually operates – as there is in fact nothing ‘romantic’ or ‘admirable’ within a person having an Eating Disorder, as all an Eating Disorder displays is how we as humanity have accepted and allowed ourselves to try and impose an illusion upon reality, which an ED shows quite nicely = is not possible and always leads to destruction of what is real as what is here as this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive Eating Disorders as having a sense of ‘Perfection’ and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my definition of perfection – as setting one’s Mind to try an attain an image which is physically unsustainable and doomed should not in anyway whatsoever ever be considered to be a form of ‘Perfection’, yet in terms of who we are as a World Society, we are all accepting and allowing exactly this: we have accepted and allowed ourselves to adopt a lifestyle which is unsustainable and doomed to collapse – while the Elite is well off and fed, just as the Mind is nicely fed in the Life of a person of ED with thoughts, feelings and emotions– the majority of the population live a life of misery, poverty and starvation – just like the body of a person with an ED is deprived - living in pain, starvation. As an ED person mines their body of resources, burning and losing physical tissue for the sake of a mind experience -- we Mine the Earth of Physical Resources in order to convert it into an illusionary experience as Money

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by glorifying Eating Disorders, I am only glorifying and admiring the absolute fuckedupness of humankind as destructive virus we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become -- because just like a person with ED, we are disciplined, we are diligent, we are committed to fuck up the Earth as a Living Body for the sake of maintaining our Disordered Lifestyle where Money is the Pinnacle of our Experience

My Agreement - Making a Decision

I've been in an Agreement with Gian for about 2 years and 9 months now.

Here I share some points that I found to be 'fundamental' within walking Process in Agreement...

I remember the day that Bernard spoke to me about entering an Agreement, that I should first ask myself the question whether I am willing to commit myself to a single being for 'eternity'.

This stirred-up a lot of points within me, mostly in relation to ideas I had formed about concepts such as'marriage' and 'freedom' and 'commitment'. Though now I can see how starting with the disentanglement of that particular single point from the beginning - I started establishing the foundation upon which the Agreement that I later on entered was going to be built.

What was clear to me at that point in my process was the following: Process is going to have to be walked by everyone, everyone is a 'reflection' of me, we're all in this mess together - so one has to be able to walk an Agreement with anyone/everyone - as everyone shares all points, and all points have to be taken responsibility for.

So when the point opened up of entering into an Agreement with Gian, the points where I saw that I resisted (which was certain characteristics/personality traits within Gian) - I knew were not 'valid reasons' to 'not go there' - as I understood the point that I have to be able to walk with anyone, so why not Gian?

In the early stages of the Agreement, I had many moments where I wanted to 'give-up' and just say 'no'.
Where I thought I couldn't take it anymore, it was just not working, how am I ever going to get through this?
Then as I want to speak the words or discuss the point - I saw that this would be self-dishonest, self-defeating. Because all I would be doing was giving up on myself, saying 'I can't change' and giving up on my partner saying that 'he can't change'. While if you look at it from a commonsense perspective: even if I do end the Agreement due to the current points I am facing and my experience thereof - I am still going to have to push through & transcend the exact same points - so really, there was no point in 'ending' the Agreement as this would only be an attempt to 'postpone' the 'inevitable' and thus create a timeloop. The points are here - might as well face them as they come.

Then there was many times where I would wander off and play with the idea of entering an Agreement with someone else, trying to convince myself that 'it was just not working with Gian' and 'it will go better/easier with this or that person'. While again - if I had to look at it from a common sense perspective - we are all copies. And the points that I am currently facing where I go into 'escapism' in the form of desiring an Agreement with someone else, I am going to have to face with any other person anyway! Because, like I said, we are all copies, and secondly, I am still going to be stuck with, yes, exactly = me! So my experience is going to be the exact same just with a different person in front of me. So again, another reason to end the Agreement defeated.

The 'Dynamic' of the Agreement was also something that was/is quite challenging. In many ways, Gian and I are opposites - where our strong and weak points are each other's polarities. So, in the beginning = we were not equal. We weren't programmed as 'equal'. For instance, my strong points and skills rest more on the intellectual side - which is Gian's weak point. Whereas Gian's strong point is his enthusiasm, innocence and ability to 'move' things and not being able to hold things in (whatever is bothering him, it'll come out some way or another) - which is my weak point. [Together we're a team! lol]. So as we walk, I assist him with his weak points, get them to a point of effectiveness and he'll do the same for me and so we 'equalize' each other.

Where one can either 'take it personal' that one's being assisted with their weak point - or just accept that that's the way you've been programmed, be real about and allow yourself to change.

That's all for now - I will share more in the days to come.