Day 108: Compromising Over Fear

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 106: Regret
Day 107: Showing my True Colours

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction and then imagine myself what I would have to do to give it direction and within that react within fear towards the steps involved, and allow this fear to direct me where I 'walk away' from doing what requires to be done from the starting point of fear of facing my fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that these fear points are not valid reasons as to why I should not do what needs to be done, and so I commit myself to not allow myself to let fear direct me but commit myself to stand as the directive principle and move myself to act according to principle instead of experience

When and as I see myself in a situation where something needs to be done, and see that there may be certain 'complications' as per my interpretation of things -- and then allow my fear of moving through those points be part of the decision-making equation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that these fear factors do not belong in a decision-making equation that concerns what is best for all life, as I have seen, realised and understood that emotions and feelings open a door to compromise and abuse within making decisions, and so I commit myself to reassess my priorities and remove the fear factors from the equation and work with what is actually relevant

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires to be done, but have 'reservations' about this -- where I hesitate and doubt whether I should or shouldn't give it direction, and where I will look at how intense my fear is and how much I care about requires to be done -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am working with a dysfunctional value system within myself, where I am valuing self-limitation as fear more than doing what is best for all life -- where I rather hold on to my limited existence of non-change than walking out of my comfort zone and do something real

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires to be done, and weigh out my fears in relation to the steps I have to take and compare it to the weight of 'how much I care' about what needs to be done -- where this doesn't even necessarily carry any energetic charge, as it's just a seeing that it requires to be done -- and then decide that because my fear is so intense that I should side with that and then walk away and feel a constriction in my chest knowing that I am cheating myself and being a coward by walking away from what needs to be done out of fear of walking through change -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this experience is here for a reason, and that if my decision has been clear, there would be no such experience present and so I commit myself to stop, retrace my steps and correct myself before it is too late

When and as I see myself in a situation where something require to be done, and see that I may have to explain myself to figures of authority as to why I am doing what I am doing and where they may possibly disagree -- and based on that do not want to commit myself to do what needs to be done -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have created an idea about 'authority' as if it something that you can't do anything about, or where it is difficult to get through -- where I've accepted and allowed myself throughout my life to place blind trust within the concept of authority without every questioning if what they stand for is in fact substantial and real and where I've accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being intimidated and set myself up to simply obey as to not cause any trouble-- and so I commit myself to walk through my fear of dealing with authority and commit myself to investigate the concept of authority within me through self reflective writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements and application, so that I no longer accept and allow myself to compromise myself out of fear but stand by principle

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction, and where I see I might face resistance on what I want to do coming from figures of authority, and then within that immediately want to 'withdraw' myself from the situation where I do not want to do anything and just 'walk away' out of the fear/belief that I will not be confident enough to explain myself and make a fool out of myself and get into trouble -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that a situation like this shows me where I still require to work on myself, in this case 'self-confidence' and so I commit myself to take note of the points I have to work on, but do not allow these points to have a space in my decision-making and instead walk through the fear and gift myself an opportunity to change

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction but let fear override common sense practical consideration and then make myself feel less bad about my decision through employing positive, hopeful thoughts that make what I just did 'seem okay' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and reaise that those 'positive' and 'cheerful' thoughts reveal the true nature of me as dark and evil, where I am more concerned with maintaining my limited existence of self interest than doing something which is in the best interest of all -- where instead of seeing what I have done and be frank about it with myself, I use positive thoughts to cover up my actions and suppress what little common sense was left in me

Related articles

• Day 107: Showing my True Colours
• Day 89: Holding Back
• Day 61: Self-Disappointment
• Day 155 - Am I ready.
• Day 92: Always Expect the Worst - Part 2

Day 72: I Can’t do This!

Just now I was busy preparing some pizza pieces to eat for dinner, and as I looked into the oven the one pizza piece’s corner, was hanging in between two of the bars of the oven rack on which the pieces were sitting – and when I saw it, I freaked out because I didn’t want my pizza to get messed up and also not to get the oven messed up by the pizza toppings dripping down to the bottom. I then screamed “LJ! LJ!” (because he was nearby), “Help me! Get a spatula!” lol So then LJ rushed in to come help save my pizza, and as he was busy manoeuvring the pizza piece to sit nicely on the rack without it flopping over one of the bars, it slid of the spatula, face down on the oven door which was open, and I was like “NOOOOOOOooo!!”. Then LJ had to go because the little gosling we took in was tweeting a lot and wanted some attention and I cleaned up the mess on the oven door.

So what happened within seeing the pizza piece not sitting right on the over rack, I freaked out because I feared it falling, and I have a tendency to be clumsy with these things as I anticipate things to go wrong and then they do because I am so occupied worrying about making a mistake that I don’t take the time to practically look at how to best move things around so that I can get what I want. So then instead of doing it myself, I will look for a guy around the house because they are quite good at these things, and then when LJ dropped the pizza I could be upset with him instead of myself, because I didn’t push myself beyond my own limitation but rather get someone else to do it, so that if they make a mistake, “I am not to blame” (which obviously I was).


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when dealing with a point where I have to move/manoeuvre things and I perceive myself to be “under pressure” to get it right because of circumstances such as hot plates or pans or heavy / sharp tools – anticipate me getting it wrong and messing things up – based on past experiences where I didn’t consider all the points within doing something and I messed up, or where I was busy trying something out and a guy intervened, saying I was doing it all wrong and then showing me how it’s done – where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea that I am too clumsy to do this and that I should rather leave these points to guys as they seem to know what they are doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when dealing with a point where I have to be specific in terms of how I handle/manoeuvre things around, and where I wasn’t specific and ‘messed things up’ – have taken it personal and immediately believed that I am “just too clumsy” to do this and that I should not bother trying it again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when dealing with a point where I have to be specific in terms of how I handle/manoeuvre things around, and where I was trying / figuring it out and someone intervened – have taken the intervention personal within the belief/perception/opinion that they must think that I am unable to do this – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that this perception as projection was actually me making a decision for myself that I am unable to do this by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when dealing with a point where I have to be specific in terms of how I handle/manoeuvre things around, go into fear and anticipation where I believe I will mess up or someone will intervene, based on memories of the past – rather just skip the step of me trying and immediately get someone else to do it for me that I believe is good at these things within the belief that “this is not me” and “I cannot do this” – without for a moment stopping and allowing myself to let go of the fear and unconditionally walk through the point within the understanding that the worst thing that can happen is that I mess up and can learn from my mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to be specific within handling/manoeuvring things which require specificity and focus – where I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe this to be a ‘guy’ thing and that I as a girl should just step back for a moment and let the guys do their thing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to look at how guys assess situations in terms of having to handle/manoeuvre things specifically – and teach myself to do the same

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that guys weren’t born with the inherent ability to handle/manoeuvre things specifically, but that his was a skill which was learnt overtime, where they learn this skill specifically because of the nature of the work they do – and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it’s not a ‘gender’ or ‘gene’ thing – but about a learning process one goes through, where they probably also made a lot of mistake and found out how to do things specifically and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back on trying things out based on the justification of ‘fear of making a mistake’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepting and allowed myself to push through my own self-imposed limitations and allow myself to go through the necessary learning processes to become specific in terms of handling/manoeuvring things specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get someone else to do things for me because I fear making a mistake, and then get upset when they make a mistake and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect more from another than I expect from myself

When and as I see myself being faced with a situation where I see something requires specific handling/manoeuvring such as moving a pizza slice just right so that it sits just nicely on the rack without flopping on any of its sides -- and react to this within an energetic reaction of fear – where I immediately create an experience of ‘pressure’ because of the ‘delicacy’ of the situation – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that just because something requires specificity in directing it does not mean that it is okay to freak out, it only means one is going to have to be specific – and so I commit myself to in those moments where I freak out within realising the specificity it is going to take to correct the situation, to breath, slow down and allow myself to assess the best way of how to deal/handle the situation and unconditionally allow myself to execute my plan

When and as I see myself being faced with a situation where I see something requires specific handling/manoeuvring such as moving a pizza slice just right so that it sits just nice on the rack without flopping/falling – and react to this within a point of self-defeat where I believe myself to just be “too clumsy” to handle this – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is just me accepting a definition of self-limitation, and so I commit myself to challenge my self-definition as self-limitation and prove myself wrong

When and as I see myself being faced with a situation where I see something requires specific handling/manoeuvring, and someone intervenes as I am busy figuring out how best to do it and I take it personally – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the person intervening is merely stepping in for a moment to show how he/she has learnt how to handle the point specifically, where they within that moment noticed that I had not yet walked this point for myself and was somewhat struggling, and where they saw that they had already walked this point and decided within that moment to simply show/demonstrate how it is done so that I can shortcut my learning process and skip the ‘trials and errors’ as they had already walked these for themselves, and could now show me immediately how it is done – and so I commit myself to within those moments listen/watch attentively and not allow backchat to get the better of me and simply accept/embrace their support unconditionally

When and as I see myself reacting within fear/anticipation to a situation where I see something requires specific handling/manoeuvring, based on past memories where I messed things up and didn’t get it right from the first time – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that that was then and this is now, and I can either allow myself to go into fear and make the same mistake again or I can use the past to learn a lesson and move myself to specificity – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, slow down and allow myself to check how to best deal with the situation and if I cannot figure it out on my own, ask for assistance/support from another to see what their feedback is and accordingly execute a plan according to what I assessed would be the best course of action

When and as I see myself being faced with a situation where I see something requires specific handling/manoeuvring – and access the belief of “this is a guy thing, and I am a girl, I should probably remove myself and get a guy to do this” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this skill is not ‘gender inherent’ and that it is a learnt skill, and so I commit myself to walk the learning process of acquiring and integrating this skill within and as me

When and as I see myself requesting the assistance of another from the starting point of fear of making a mistake and not wanting to be accountable for that mistake – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that it is unacceptable to expect from another what I do not expect from myself and to then get upset at them if they do not match my expectation of them which is more than I expect from myself – and so I commit myself to push/move through my self-accepted limitations and allow myself to unconditionally test out a point without using the fear of making a mistake as a justification, as a mistake can only ever be an opportunity to learn something new/ to become more specific – unless I make the same mistake over and over as this would indicate a lack of self-commitment and self-responsibility 

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• Day 138: Waiting for the world to end before I can have purpose forgiveness statements
• Day 68: My Mind, My Saviour
• Day 85: Manipulation Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 135: Insight self forgiveness statements
• Day 66: Valuing my Inner Space
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Day 14 - Trusting Fear - Anxiety and Me - Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find a sense of comfort and familiarity within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'fear' with 'comfort' and 'familiarity'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this sense of comfort is not real -- as it is only the result of habitual conditioning of experiencing energy as fear where I have gotten used to experiencing fear and accepted it to be a part of 'Who I Am' and what defines me -- and where I thus find comfort within experiencing a part of 'me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of control within experiencing fear and anxiety within having something which is 'familiar' and 'certain' to be right by my side when in situations of uncertainty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that fear helps me -- where in the past I faced points within fear and came out just fine, and where I had accredited this outcome of being fine / it wasn't that big of a deal, to the energetic experience of fear instead of accrediting it to myself and how I directed myself within the particular situation that I found myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that fear helps me to drive myself and prepare myself for situations -- where I end up being able to deal with a situation quite well and then accredit this outcome to the energetic experience of fear -- instead of seeing and realising that this was actually the result brought about by my own work through preparation and consistency and not anything to do with the energetic experience inside myself -- as I would have been able to achieve the same result with the same actions but without the energetic fear experience being present

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that fear in essence has no power whatsoever in terms of providing control, preparation and safety --- as fear can only do one thing which is feeding itself and had no practical purpose whatsoever for the being experiencing it -- it's basically a parasite

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed my trust outside of myself where 'it must have been something else' in terms of why something worked out for myself instead of seeing and realising that I had created this outcome for myself through my actions as preparation and that I should thus give myself credit and allow myself to trust myself instead of some energetic experience as fear which happened to also be there while I was walking through the point, but is not the reason why things worked out for myself -- and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if fear helps me and thus I should listen to my fear and basically shut down and not do anything -- that I would not have gotten anywhere at all, only showing how completely useless fear is

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of trusting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be trusted by default

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect failing at something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect not being able to do something -- at least not on my own

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to gift myself trust

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is nothing "wrong" or "bad" about mistakes -- it only means that I missed a point and where a learning opportunity emerges to not miss the same point again -- and is thus an opportunity to expand and grow within myself

When and as I find myself finding comfort within fear and anxiety -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have made this connection within myself through habitual conditioning and that this relationship between the two points is not real in fact: I created it

When and as I find myself placing my trust in fear to tell me what to do -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that fear can only feed fear and has no practical use whatsoever and does not have my best interest at heart -- instead I place my trust within myself and trust that I can direct myself appropriately within any given situation within the context of what needs to be done

When and as I see myself not feeling worthy of trusting myself -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this thinking pattern emerged from my past within my childhood family environment and educational upbringing and does in no way have to dictate how I live my life -- instead I allow myself to trust myself and commit myself to unraveling and releasing myself from my past so that my past no longer has the power to dictate my future

When and as I find myself givin credit to any emotion/feeling or thought for the outcome of a particular situation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that emotions, feelings and thoughts have no such power as they are confined to my head only and that any physical action which as a particular outcome as result -- is due to that physical action -- and that the same outcome could have been achieved without the emotions, feelings or thoughts but NOT without the actual  physical actions which led to the particular outcome/result. Within that I also see and realise that emotions, feelings and thoughts only have the power I give to them and that it is up to me to act upon them or not -- and that without me acting upon them or feeding them, they are not of any significance as they can be stopped at any given moment without it ceasing my existence lol