Monday, 12 November 2012

Day 108: Compromising Over Fear

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 106: Regret
Day 107: Showing my True Colours

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction and then imagine myself what I would have to do to give it direction and within that react within fear towards the steps involved, and allow this fear to direct me where I 'walk away' from doing what requires to be done from the starting point of fear of facing my fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that these fear points are not valid reasons as to why I should not do what needs to be done, and so I commit myself to not allow myself to let fear direct me but commit myself to stand as the directive principle and move myself to act according to principle instead of experience

When and as I see myself in a situation where something needs to be done, and see that there may be certain 'complications' as per my interpretation of things -- and then allow my fear of moving through those points be part of the decision-making equation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that these fear factors do not belong in a decision-making equation that concerns what is best for all life, as I have seen, realised and understood that emotions and feelings open a door to compromise and abuse within making decisions, and so I commit myself to reassess my priorities and remove the fear factors from the equation and work with what is actually relevant

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires to be done, but have 'reservations' about this -- where I hesitate and doubt whether I should or shouldn't give it direction, and where I will look at how intense my fear is and how much I care about requires to be done -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am working with a dysfunctional value system within myself, where I am valuing self-limitation as fear more than doing what is best for all life -- where I rather hold on to my limited existence of non-change than walking out of my comfort zone and do something real

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires to be done, and weigh out my fears in relation to the steps I have to take and compare it to the weight of 'how much I care' about what needs to be done -- where this doesn't even necessarily carry any energetic charge, as it's just a seeing that it requires to be done -- and then decide that because my fear is so intense that I should side with that and then walk away and feel a constriction in my chest knowing that I am cheating myself and being a coward by walking away from what needs to be done out of fear of walking through change -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this experience is here for a reason, and that if my decision has been clear, there would be no such experience present and so I commit myself to stop, retrace my steps and correct myself before it is too late

When and as I see myself in a situation where something require to be done, and see that I may have to explain myself to figures of authority as to why I am doing what I am doing and where they may possibly disagree -- and based on that do not want to commit myself to do what needs to be done -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have created an idea about 'authority' as if it something that you can't do anything about, or where it is difficult to get through -- where I've accepted and allowed myself throughout my life to place blind trust within the concept of authority without every questioning if what they stand for is in fact substantial and real and where I've accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being intimidated and set myself up to simply obey as to not cause any trouble-- and so I commit myself to walk through my fear of dealing with authority and commit myself to investigate the concept of authority within me through self reflective writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements and application, so that I no longer accept and allow myself to compromise myself out of fear but stand by principle

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction, and where I see I might face resistance on what I want to do coming from figures of authority, and then within that immediately want to 'withdraw' myself from the situation where I do not want to do anything and just 'walk away' out of the fear/belief that I will not be confident enough to explain myself and make a fool out of myself and get into trouble -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that a situation like this shows me where I still require to work on myself, in this case 'self-confidence' and so I commit myself to take note of the points I have to work on, but do not allow these points to have a space in my decision-making and instead walk through the fear and gift myself an opportunity to change

When and as I see myself in a situation where something requires direction but let fear override common sense practical consideration and then make myself feel less bad about my decision through employing positive, hopeful thoughts that make what I just did 'seem okay' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and reaise that those 'positive' and 'cheerful' thoughts reveal the true nature of me as dark and evil, where I am more concerned with maintaining my limited existence of self interest than doing something which is in the best interest of all -- where instead of seeing what I have done and be frank about it with myself, I use positive thoughts to cover up my actions and suppress what little common sense was left in me


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