This blog is a continuation to:
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the ideas I have about how long things take and see whether my ideas actually match reality -- where within not checking and cross-referencing my ideas I can allow myself to use my ideas to my advantage as the 'only info' I have to go on within making time-related decisions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ideas about time 'trustworthy', where if believe that something will take me 'long', that this must be correct based on past experiences with the same task
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am not yet in a position to make decisions on what I can and can't do based on 'how long I think it will take' -- because of how I experience time and it being relative to whatever it is that I do, where whatever I dislike doing always will seem 'so much longer' than those things that I like doing -- where these experience should show me that I am unable to make correct assumptions about time and as such I should not accept and allow myself to make decisions based on how long I *think* something will take -- but to actually do it no matter whether it gets done within the open time-frame and actually check how long it takes so that I can stop manipulating and sabotaging myself with 'ideas'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my time perception is clearly biased by my particular likes and dislikes related to tasks -- where things I do not like doing will be categorised as 'taking a long time', so that whenever I have an opening to do something and see that I require to do something which I do not like, I can tell myself that 'now is not the right time', and get away with not doing what it is that I don't want to do based on a distorted idea of time
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I see something needs to be done and think about how long it will take, that I am not actually looking at how long it will take, but merely measuring/checking my level of resistance towards the task at hand -- where the more I resist it, the longer it will apparently take to get it done
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can calculate how long something will take if I walk the task in my mind, not seeing and realising that time works differently in the mind as the mind jumps around and does not take actual physical points into consideration, but only has thoughts/feelings and emotions as a reference for what I am trying to calculate within my mind -- so that when I imagine myself doing the steps, I see flashes of the steps and experience the level of resistance related to the task which appears the task to be 'loaded' and 'heavy', whereby I connect this experience to 'it takes long'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse time as a guide to structure my day to day activities from the starting point of justifying my actions as the decisions I make to do or not do particular things, where instead of simply doing what needs to be done from the understanding that what needs to be done is best for me and best for all -- I will first analyze each step/task separately and measure my resistance level and then either do it or not on the false premise that 'it takes to much time' or 'I should rather do this, this fits better right now' -- where I misuse time as an external point to validate my self-dishonesty within knowing that I make decisions based on likes/dislikes and not based on common sense practical care -- where I use time to coverup my actions in order to have a reason to not have to have a look and investigate application
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