Yesterday as I was busy posting one of my blogs, the internet was very
slow which resulted in fuckups with how I wanted to place the pictures
in my blog. I wanted to check how the preview would look to make sure
the pictures were the right size and the button didn’t want to work so I
went *click-click-click-click-click-click* with my mouse, to no avail. I
then let out a deep, deep, loud sight to “express” my dissatisfaction
with the slow internet.
As I started the sigh and let it out – I noticed how completely weird
this action actually was – because within that moment of sighing, my
whole body became heavy as if a heavy weight was pressing down on me,
and my whole mood shifted ‘downwards’. Was does this tell me? This tells
me the slow internet is not the problem, but how I behave myself in
relation to what happens on my computer, as the slow internet. I was the
one going *click-click-click-click-click* -- I was the one sighing –
and I was the one who within the sigh induced an experience of
dissatisfaction and being annoyed/irritated.
I noticed I had done this sigh thing quite a few times
over the past few days, especially in the evening when it is getting
‘late’ and where I just want to get done with my stuff so that I can go sleep
and not be too tired the next day. This anticipation of ‘I must go
sleep soon, otherwise I’m going to be tired tomorrow’ as the belief of
‘I mustn’t go sleep too late’ is really in essence a fear. So within the
next few blogs I want to take on the point of sighing as a point of
deliberate self-sabotage and self-manipulation into self-pity and then
afterwards take on the point of “mustn’t go sleep too late”.
No comments:
Post a Comment