Day 146: Death of a Horse

Today we put down one of our horses, Titan.

A few days ago, he came back from the field with a big lump by his throat. Since it appeared just like that out of nowhere, we figures it may just a lymph node that is swollen and fighting off some infection, or maybe an allergy or an abscess that was forming. The lump didn’t seem to bother him until about three days ago he started making coughing sounds in his stable when eating the hay, like maybe some food got stuck in his mouth or went through the wrong hole and he was trying to cough/snort it out. Then the day before yesterday, as I was ready to leave the stables I heard him cough and wondered if maybe it wasn’t connected to the lump. I came around to see what he was doing and as he saw me come check up on me he came close, had a big cough, and splashed my boots full or green slime with small pieces of grass in it. He was having trouble eating and was just coughing and sliming up the whole place.

The next day we got a vet to come and check, and he thought that maybe the horse had “choke” which is where some food gets stuck and then the horse has a hard time eating and drinking. The slime that was coming out of his nose was actually the saliva from his mouth that he couldn’t swallow because of the obstruction, so it went out through the nose – along with anything else he ate.

He tried to tube Titan, which is where they put a tube through the nose down into his oesophagus, to see whether the tube could go past the lump/obstruction. The tube didn’t get through and just hit solid mass, which made it unlikely that it was food. We then considered cancer since he had cancer before in his eye, but since the lump appeared over the span of 8 hours, we thought that this would be unlikely. The vet then tried to draw fluid from the lump, if it was an abscess some puss should come out – but nothing came out except for a little blood when penetrating the skin.

He took a sample from the lump through a syringe and gave him so muscle relaxant in case it was food stuck, so that it maybe could start moving. We’d have more information after the lab tested the sample.

The next day, we got a call and the lab let us know that there were definitely cancer cells present, but that they would know more once they grew a culture and would phone a later. In the meantime, a horse specialist came out to look at him. He immediately did a UV scan like how they do with a pregnancy to check out the baby, but in this case to see what the lump/mass consisted of. The vet suspected cancer since it was solid and didn’t show characteristics of being an abscess, and also not a bacterial infection since touching or pushing the lump did not seem to hurt Titan.

We knew that if it was going to be cancer that we were going to have to put him down. He was already an old horse and has seen many things happening through his body, and another episode of cancer would indicate that his body is just not able to work through things properly anymore and is deteriorating, and so causing unnecessary suffering.

The vet then called the lab to see if they had more info, and this time the result was definitive: it was cancer, and it was highly aggressive – which is why it manifested into the giant size it was in only a day. It is a very rare type of cancer for horses, and due to the position and size of the tumour – there was no way that surgery would help, it would probably kill him anyway.

When we heard the news, everyone started to tear a little, because we knew now definitely: it’s time for him to go. It was obvious that this was the best way to go, I mean he hadn’t been eating, he hadn’t been drinking and was obviously suffering from the obstruction. The sooner we’d put him down, the better. So even though it was clear this was the best way to go, it was still an unfortunate point – not that I wanted him to live like this, but because we live in a world where things like cancer exist which cause much suffering – a world that we created through our acceptance and allowance.

We then had to quickly make some practical decisions, because we’d have to put him down on the farm and he has a big body, so we had to decide where we would bury him so he could die close to the spot. Once that decision was made, we walked him to the spot, the vet sedated him and once his was sleepy he gave him the final two injections that would put him down. After the two injections were in it was a matter of seconds before he fell down on the ground and was gone. It all went pretty quick. Once all the reflexes stopped in the body, he took a sample of the tumour as the people in the lab wanted to study it, since it was such a rare case. We then got a proper look at the tumour and it was real nasty – it was big and spreading down in throat, and up into his mouth and to the other side as well. We then also saw the jugular that had been feeding the tumour, which was also massive.


Everyone with a horse or other animal knows that this day comes, the day the animal dies.

I knew this within myself as well when I got Charlie, but always projected it to be waaaaaaay in the future and something I would deal with when the time comes. Believing, just like when I had my guinea pig, that his death would still be years away and that I would by that time have ‘toughened-up’ and be able to deal with it. Truth is, you don’t know when these things happen. This whole thing that happened with Titan, happened in the course of a week or less, and the same with Babitjie, the cat that was put down yesterday – it was all sudden and it was all quick.

All in all, I must say it wasn’t as bad as I had expected. A decision had to be made, it was unfortunate, but it was the best decision and anything else would have been a compromise. I was sad, because like all animals on the farm, Titan as a horse has been great support to Gian and also to myself when I have worked with him, I was grateful for him having been here and the time we shared.

He was an old stubborn horse, and he never cared much about us humans and our quirks. If he didn’t want to go somewhere, and didn’t want to move – you could scream and shout at him, and try and force him to do what you wanted, and he would just stand his ground and not move. Anytime you would go into some emotional tantrum, he would just stand there and not move, so everything you threw at him, bounced right off of him back to yourself, so you could see what you were doing. He’d gone through a lot of abuse in his life before he came to us, and even though humans had previously treated him as crap, he had accepted Gian to be his partner and walked with him every day.

It was the best thing to do to get him out of his misery, so his death in itself is not sad, since we’re all going to die at some stage, but what was sad was that this was the only solution to his suffering, as this was suffering created as a result of the world we live in, which is a world we collectively created.

Each time an animal has to be put down as the result of undue suffering – it is testimony to our legacy of fucked-up-ness.

Each time a child dies of starvation, while it could have been provided for, but we didn’t care to create and structure the world in a way to make it possible for all to live a dignified Life – it is a testimony to our fucked-up-ness.

I’ve dealt with a lot of deaths on the farm, and this is the one point that keeps on striking me, because most of the time the death was not a natural death where an animal’s life had been lived to completion – but most of the time the death was the result of consequence as a ‘negative side-effect’ of the world we’ve produced and participate in, which means it was each time an untimely death that could have been prevented.

We really need to sort out this reality, there are way more uncool things happening than there is cool stuff happening – it’s really not worth it to waste your time trying to chase the few good things in this world which give you a momentary experience of happiness while the majority suffers. This is not a cool world to live in, and we do have an alternative. We can eradicate world poverty, we can get rid of famine, we can get rid of crime, we can get rid of fear of living – where we fear living in this world simply because we KNOW that this is not a cool place and we KNOW that shit can hit us at any time from any corner.

So, instead of trying to be the ones that don’t get hit by shit in this world and living in constant fear, we can simply decide to change the conditions of this world to one that is truly Best for All, so that you can come into this world, and you can simply be and you can simply live. We’ve really screwed things up for ourselves, and we’ve screwed ourselves over believing that how we live is fine and acceptable: it is not.

If we can stop unnecessary suffering then it is our duty to do so – there should be no choice in this.

Work towards making this world one that is Best for All – learn how it is possible to change the nature of self-interest of the human to one that is Best for All Life at Desteni, and learn how we can put into place the structures and institutions that reflect a nature that is Best for All at the Equal Money System website.

We don’t have to live like this, so let’s not.

Related articles

• Day 93: Using the Dead's name in Vain
• Day 219 - The Mirrors of Competition for Survival of energy and Money.
• Day 193 - The End of the World Wish.
• Day 203: After Death Communication - Part 51

Day 38: Being Sick is So BAD! Or is it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that most of the experience of ‘being sick’ which is ‘bad’ actually takes places within my head – where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created all sorts of ideas/assumptions inside my head about what it means to be ‘sick’ – and where these ideas/concerns influence how I experience myself within ‘being sick’ – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this experience is not in fact part of the sickness/being sick – but a layer I added of my own within my mind where I repeat the same pattern/experience over and over again until I believed that ‘it is part of being sick’ while it is a self-created dimension / additional experience which I added unto the point of ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is physical ‘being sick’ – where the body is going through particular process in re-aligning itself, which can be physically unpleasant – and that there is mentally ‘being sick’ as all the various ideas/beliefs/opinion one has linked to the body ‘being sick’ – making it something more than what it is which distorts the actual experience of being sick and making it a ‘bad thing’ where one will go and worry inside one’s head and create unnecessary experiences which in the end also affect the body adversely and holds the body back from naturally progressing within its re-alignment within the ‘make-belief’ that something is wrong with self

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that 99% of the experience of being sick which I have defined as ‘bad’ and ‘unpleasant’ – took actually place inside my head as all the fears/worries while my body may have been in pain but was otherwise quite alright doing its thing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the body can be in pain within going through the processes of aligning the dis-ease – but that this doesn’t have to mean anything other than what it is

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that once I start to *think* about what I am experiencing, I am creating something / making something which it is not -- and so I stop and I breathe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/beliefs/opinions about what it means to be ‘sick’ or to be ‘in pain’ – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that these ideas/beliefs/opinions are real – as if these things are really implied within ‘being sick’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that all the fears/worries/concerns which I have paired with ‘being sick’ aren’t real – and that these fears/worries/concerns are taught from parent to child


When and as I see myself accessing ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions about what it means ‘to be sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am entering and entertaining myself within an alternate mind reality / dimension which has no relation to the physical actuality of things, where I am making this ‘more’ than what they really are and within that compromise my own ‘healing’ process. Within that I commit myself to write down the ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions which ‘popped up’ and remove them through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements so I can remove the layers of lies one by one so I can get to what is really going on

When and as I see myself going into a point of self-pity and defeatism in relation to being sick as ‘being sick’ being a ‘bad thing’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in a dimension which I created myself about ‘what it means to be sick’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to give ‘meaning’ to ‘being sick’ other than what it really means to be sick, as your body being momentarily out of balance and having to go through a process re-balancing/re-aligning itself. Within that I commit myself to remove all ideas about being sick and stop my back chat when I see that I am participating in this alternate / illusionary reality

When and as I see myself experiencing myself as ‘bad’ / ‘weak’ / ‘not doing well’ – I stop and I breathe – I quiet myself down and allow myself to just be here within and as my physical body and check how I am doing – am I really doing bad or am I making myself feel bad about what I am feeling?

When and as I see myself creating and accessing ideas of what ‘it means’ when my body is going through when feeling nauseas, vomiting, headache, pain, fever – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these manifestations are part of the body dealing with the disease and don’t have to mean anything other than that – and so I stop my back chat and forgive myself so I can allow myself as my body to take care of itself without manipulating the process and holding myself back within beliefs and ideas (haha while I was typing ‘beliefs and ideas’ it was sounding something like ‘be ill eafs’ and ‘dis-ease’ within myself – interesting how you can make up the word ‘disease’ with all the letters within ‘ideas’)

When and as I see myself accessing fears/worries/concerns about being sick – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these fears/worries/concerns as ideas must have come from somewhere and so I trace back their origin and correct myself within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

I commit myself to show how all fears have been taught – where most fears have been taught from parent to child without us even noticing as we believe these ‘fears’ to be ‘facts’ within the ‘enthusiasm’ and religious like ‘faith’ that they have been presented/taught to us


It’s interesting because while I was sick my mom had sent me an email to see how I was doing, and I replied with how I was doing and what symptoms I had. She then replied, and in her reply she was being very worried. She had done some of her ‘own research’ on the internet and believed that I was actually suffering from an ‘additional’ disease as well – and that should read it and pay close attention to the symptoms. She then mentioned a child she knew who had had the disease and how that kids had spent months in the hospital and took very long to recover, and that the doctor had said to the mom that you can die from this disease if you don’t catch it and get treated for it. And then she urged me to go back to the doctor.

As I was reading the email I could see she was ‘playing mom’ – but I was also experience fear and panic of ‘what if I have this disease’ and ‘what if I don’t even know that I have it’ and ‘Omg, I could die from this’.

And then I had to tell myself to stop and let go, because I could see I was just copying the same worrisome behaviour as my mom. The reason why she wrote the email the way she did was probably from remembering the kid who had had somewhat similar symptoms (lol, the symptoms are basically ‘flue like’ – so you can see that this is really ‘broad’), and having remembered that the mom told her that you can die from it and then probably fearing that this disease would happen to her or her kids. And then seeing the symptoms in my email, her fear got triggered and she doesn’t want me to die so I must go to the doctor and make sure I don’t have this disease!

It’s all just fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.

So within the next few blogs I’m going to look at all the various fear which came up and this whole ‘layer’ I’ve created about what it apparently means to ‘be sick’ or ‘be in pain’ – so I can get rid of this bullshit.

Related articles

• Day 36: Self as Creator
• Day 37: What's Happening to Me?!
• Day 97: Morality Character Self-Forgiveness statements
• Day 35: Reversing Trust
• Day 79: Blame Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 27: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever - Part 2

Day 37: What’s Happening to Me?!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick, set myself up as the ‘observer’ within my body – where I experienced myself as merely ‘observing’ all these things ‘happening to me’ within my body – without for a moment stopping and realising that I am my body and so things can’t just happen ‘to me’ without me being part of its creation/development and direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things moving / have pain within my body – have gone into a mode of ‘Waaaooaah, what’s happening to me!?’ and just sit there being startled without for a moment seeing / realising that I am my body and that I can, as my body simply check what’s going on and assist myself as my body in moving / re-aligning myself to a point of optimum functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent, where I will ‘look’ at what it is that I am experiencing from an ‘outsider’ point of view- and for instance ‘look at my tummy’ when it is sore/nauseous, as if it is something ‘out there’ – without seeing / realising that I AM my tummy – and so there’s no point to just ‘sit there’ and ‘look’ at what is going on as a statement of separation, but instead realise that I am my tummy and I am the experience of pain/nausea – and so I can direct myself as my tummy as the nausea/pain Equal and One and correct / assist myself in moving through whatever is going on within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick and feeling unwell, have ‘stepped back’ into and has my mind’s chambers where I would just ‘sit’ there and ‘wait’ for my body and the medicine to do whatever – where I completely separated myself from the disease, the medicine and my body within the belief that ‘I am a victim’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am weak’, ‘I can’t do anything but wait it out’ – without seeing and realising that I am in fact my body, the disease and the medicine and can thus direct all these points as myself Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the habit of whenever I would experience something such as illness, pain, nausea – have gone into a reactive mode of ‘Woah, what’s happening to me??!!’ – where I immediately would go into fear of not understanding what is going on and freak out / cry /worry – without seeing and realising that I can only experience things as ‘happening to me’ and ‘not understanding what’s happening to me’ when I am in a complete state of separation in relation to my body – where I merely take in a little compartment in my mind, being completely oblivious to my human physical body, its processes and how it functions – so that when I am in pain or something is ‘off’ – I go into complete fear/anxiety/stress because I am suddenly reminded of this ‘human body’ I have, and freak out because I’ve never allowed myself to get to know myself as my human physical body within the belief that who I am is limited to my mind – and so I am confused and distressed as I don’t know what to do with this experience as I haven’t considered that I am my body and can thus I can simply be here as my body and check out what’s happening and accordingly assist and support myself in re-aligning my body to well-functioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things such as pain/nausea/disease go into a state of panic and distress as I believe that ‘I do not know what’s going on’ and ‘I don’t know what to do about this’ – and then within this fear reach out to other people such as my parents/teachers, where I will go to them and ask for feedback on what’s happening to me – wherein they also react into fear and distress as they don’t know what to do either– and where they will go and get me to a doctor to tell us ‘what is going on’ because we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from our bodies to such an extent that we believe that we can’t tell ‘what’s going on’ and that we need someone who’s learnt about the human body from books to tell us what is going on and give us medicine to “fix us” where the medicine will take care of the symptoms so that we do not have to experience pain/nausea/sickness and get back to a point where we can once again be completely unaware of our bodies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel physically unwell, trust doctors and other so called ‘medical authorities’ to tell me what is wrong and tell me what to do – without seeing and realising that these people know as much as I do – because they too have separated themselves from their bodies as they have gone and studied the body ‘from books’ and never investigated / studied their own bodies from the starting point that they are their bodies and can thus see / realise / understand how the body works and functions from this Equal and One starting point – but since they, just as me, have separated themselves from their bodies – they only have limited knowledge on how the body works and this knowledge can only ever be within the form of ‘interpretation’ as all studies done in relation to the body have always been done from the starting point of separation and observation - and never from a starting point of Physical Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with the way we currently treat our bodies within the context of disease – where I will feel unwell and go to a doctor who then gives a label to what it is that I am experiencing and gives me some medicine to feel well once again – without ever finding out how the dis-ease was created in the first place and what I can do about it so that it doesn’t happen again and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my wellbeing as the mind as happiness wherein I do not want this physical body of mine to be in pain / be unwell because then I am not able to be peaceful in my mind as my body is constantly reminding me that something is wrong and that it requires attention but I don’t want to look at it, as all I want to do is be happy and so I will do whatever it takes to make myself feel ‘normal’ again so I can continue to live in my mind undisturbed and uninterrupted by my body’s existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see disease / pain / nausea as a disturbance and just ‘want to get rid of it’ – instead of seeing / realising / understanding that my body is trying to give me a message going “HEEEELLLOOOOOOOOOO, anyone there??? Something’s up in your boooodyyy! Better check it ooooout” – but where I’ll just want to go SHHHT!! Because now I feel unwell and I can’t focus on the things I want to focus on as the things that apparently ‘matter’ in life as Mind Entertainment, where I can no longer entertain myself undisturbed within my mind as thoughts/fantasies/back chat because there’s this body nagging me which is constantly drawing attention away from my mind to the body and I want to be in my mind not my body and so I’ll go and look for a ‘quick fix’ as meds and painkillers to make the body shut the hell up so I can continue “living my life” – and so just suppress the Human Physical Body into silence, without ever investigating what was causing the discomfort in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my human physical body as a ‘nuisance’ – instead of seeing / realising that it is actually all in reverse and that it is the Mind which is the actual nuisance as I am living in constant fear but will deny this and patch up my fear experience by holding on / looking only at the ‘good things’ in life as hopes and dreams and will not for a moment question my limited reality as the Mind in the belief that it is ‘so much more’ than my human physical body without ever having actually investigated my human physical body and what it means to be here as my human physical body – because if I would have I would not be here protecting and defending my mind as ‘the greatest thing ever’ as it is the one thing keeping me confined in the limited space in my head – while my human body is part of the physical and is everywhere, showing me that the physical is actually superior to the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise that we are taught from an early age that what’s important is the Mind as the Pursuit of Happiness where we are told it is good to dream and to hope and that we should get out of Life whatever it is we want – without having been taught any consideration for our physical reality and within doing so we’ve manifested a world where beings go and chase their dreams and hopes and believe that they have the right to get out of life whatever it is they want because apparently they are ‘special’ as that is what our parents have told us, and that we ‘deserve the good things in life’ – while in the meantime within not giving attention to the physical reality we’ve manifested a world where half the population lives a life of misery within physical deprivation and we don’t care because we’re special and we have the right to have the ‘good life’ – too bad it didn’t work out for all those poor people suffering and starving but my mommy told me I am special and that I deserve the best, I’m not going to bother giving attention to you and your miserable existence because it makes me feel bad inside and I don’t want to feel bad, I want to feel good so I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore all you people living a life that I wouldn’t want to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind is real and that my body is a nuisance without seeing / realising that without my body I am just a thought, and that at death my body will still be here and return to the Earth while who I am as the Mind will simply be deleted, removed – gone without its exit making any impact on the World because the Mind is not Physical and only the Physical can make an impact within a Physical Reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a little tick is more powerful than a single thought because it has an actual impact on this physical reality while all my Mind as thoughts can do is ramble about in my head without making any difference to the world at all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what is of importance is not the mind – but my physical body – as it is through my body that I am here on Earth ‘living my life’ and if it were not for my body I would not be here right now and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my human physical body for granted completely within not seeing / realising that I am completely dependent on my human physical body and its well-functioning for my existence and presence here on Earth – as I can be here on Earth without mind but I cannot be Here on Earth without a body

When and as I see myself going into an ‘observer’ mode upon noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physically body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am powerless as an observer as I can only observe – and thus I move myself into and as my body as physical awareness and check out what it that is ‘off’ within my body – and accordingly assist and support my body within re-aligning myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into fear as ‘What’s Happening to Me?!’ upon seeing / noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fear / distress because I do not understand what is going on and start making assumptions – instead I realise that I am my human physical body and am thus perfectly able to understand what is going if I stand here One and Equal as myself as my human physical body and check what is going on – and within checking what is going on I can direct myself to correct / assist myself within re-aligning myself to get myself as my body to a point of well-functioning

When and as I see myself going into a state of self-victimization in relation to my body as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am a victim’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one placing myself into the position of powerlessness/victimization within separating myself from my human physical body and within this separation keep myself from being the self-directive principle – and thus I embrace myself as my human physical body and take self-responsibility for myself and allow myself to unconditionally check out / investigate my human physical body and what it is experiencing and within that assist myself in correcting the point which requires re-alignment

I commit myself to get to know my human physical body for the first time, to spend time with myself as my human physical body to actually find out how I operate as my body, how I experience myself as my body – and within doing so for the first time allow myself to develop an intimate relationship with myself as my human physical body

When and as I see myself wanting to reach for ‘external’ points / sources to tell me what to do / what is going on with myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am only further separating myself from my human physical body within wanting someone else to tell me what I am experiencing while I am perfectly able to see / identify what it is what I am experiencing because I am my body and I am my experience – I just haven’t allowed myself to see /realise it

I commit myself to show that we’ve never really ‘understood’ the human physical body and its biological processes/functionings as we’ve only ever studied/observed the human physical body from the starting point of separation as the ‘observers’ – where we’ve never allowed ourselves to develop an intimate relationship with and as ourselves as our human physical bodies – which implies that all information/knowledge available on the human physical body is within the form of interpretation as we’ve never cared to find out first-hand what is real and what is not

When and as I experience physical discomfort and go into a state of ‘What can I do to get rid of this’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this thought is indicating to me that I am not here as breath as my human physical body – but ‘out there’ in my mind not wanting to be disturbed by Reality, only wanting to tend to the physical discomfort so I can go back being interrupted within my Mind Reality – and so I bring myself here within and as Breath, move myself back into and as my body and re-organize my values and priorities as this incident is indicating to me that I am still holding on to the mind over matter – and within that I commit myself to investigate within self-honest self-reflection what it is that I am still holding on to and forgive myself

When and as I see myself making the association that my human physical body is a ‘nuisance’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being within the Mind within not wanting to tend to my physical body – because if I am here as my body I am no longer in the Mind which me as the Mind does not want because then it doesn’t get fed anymore – and so I commit myself to stick to Breath and do not accept and allow these ‘scare tactics’ of myself as the mind in keeping myself from what is Real as this Physical Reality because that’s the only place where I have power / am empowered – which is something my mind doesn’t want, and so it is really my mind which is the real nuisance and parasite which makes we want to believe that I can’t do without it

When and as I see myself going into a point of distraction of moving myself physically and applying myself in a way which will have a real physical impact within changing our current reality of Abuse to one that is Best for All -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting within self-interest and the belief that ‘I should be able to do what I want’ and ‘I should get the best out of life’ which is an attitude I’ve adopted within childhood as parents teach us that we are special which implies that others are ‘less’ – and so I stop participating within the distraction and remind myself of what is Real and what is of Importance and move myself back into and as my body as a physical statement of what really matters, and within that move myself to apply myself in a way that feeds What is Best for All and All Physical Bodies / Parts of Existence -- instead of only feeding what’s Best for my Limited Ego as the Mind within selfishness

I commit myself to show within my Journey to Life that what matters is this Physical Reality as we can see that what lasts is this Physical Reality, while the Mind can be deleted just like that – and does not contribute in any way to manifesting a World that is Best for All as the Mind only cares about itself at the expense of others

I commit myself to show that the little things we take for granted such as plants, bugs, animals, nature – have more impact on Reality than our Minds and as such we should seriously re-assess our values and beliefs as they based within delusion

I commit myself to tend and take care of myself as my human physical body, to be here within and as breath and for the first time allow myself to feel what it is like to walk, to pick things up, to write, to type, to eat, to drink – as I’ve only ever done all these physical actions from an automated mind perspective – and within that I am grateful to the tick to show me that I have never been here as my body and commit myself to use this opportunity of physical recovery to adjust myself and my behaviour within the Physical to one that is Real

I commit myself to be a student of Life through listening to the EQAFE interviews and reading the Blogs / material published by Desteni such as Heaven’s Journey to Life, Creation’s Journey to Life and Earth’s Journey to Life – as they in detail explain the processes of the Mind and Body and so assist myself within understanding myself and my Mind / Body processes so I can re-align myself from a Limited Mind Reality to a Shared Physical Existence and change my Self-Interested nature to one that cares about Other’s as Self and cares to manifest a World which is Best for All – as I understand that I do not yet have all the tools/information within walking my Process and require others to assist me in seeing / realising the extent of Self-Deception I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Be and Live as

Related articles

• Day 36: Self as Creator
• Day 35: Reversing Trust
• How Thoughts Activate Personalities - Part 2: DAY 124
• From Energy Experience to Energy to Substance/Physicality
• The Mind as the Reverse of the Physical
• Oh no - my eye! - Fear of Loss

Day 27: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever – Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to as a kid when listening to the stories about ticks, tick bite fever and it killing people – have accepted and allowed these stories to imprint ‘fear of ticks’ as ‘fear of death’ within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a kid when hearing stories about ticks, tick bite fever and death – have responded to this within myself from a starting point of fear – where I within the moment of hearing the stories allow myself to become completely irrational and be possessed by this feeling of petrification of ‘what if this happens to me ‘, and created a fear relationship with ticks instead of investigating the tick phenomena and taking the practical steps / pre-cautions when necessary to minimize the potential of being bitten by ticks – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an emotional relationship as fear towards ticks where whenever I was in long grass would pre-occupy my mind with ‘oh no what if there are ticks here’ and ‘I hope I don’t get bitten’ and ‘Eeek! What was that itchy sensation I just felt on my leg!” – where I allowed fear to possess me within every moment of my participation with nature instead of me being here, having taking the precautions and from there simply let go of the tick point – as I will either get bitten or not get bitten and being in my mind thinking, worrying and generating this fear experience will not make a damn difference to the outcome

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that before I ever heard of the tick stories I was fine playing and having fun in the grass – whereas when had been fed information about ticks (which when looking at it now was probably inaccurate / extremely exaggerated for the sake of making it sound more ‘horrific’ than it really is) this information now dominated my mind and changed my whole experience of being in grass/nature – where all I could think about was ticks – and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this ‘new information’ should in no way alter/change my behaviour/approach/expression within nature – as the same “threat” existed before, but because I was not aware of it, I did not allow it to limit my expression – whereas now I was ‘aware’ of the threat and allowed this to possess me as knowledge and information where I altered my behaviour and approach to being within nature because of this one point of ‘possibility’ – without seeing and realising that before I ever knew about ticks, the possibilities as statistical probabilities of me getting bitten by a tick were just the same – and so there’s really no reason why I should now be around nature with a constant cloud of fear within my head, as this will in no way change the possibility of me getting bitten by a tick or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that my ‘fear of ticks’ was ‘keeping me safe from ticks’ – where I believed that if I am possessed/pre-occupied with the fear of getting bitten by a tick I will be more alert and will be able to keep ticks off me – where I traded ‘me being here as breath in every moment, trusting that I will deal with ticks if and when I have to and having an enjoyable time in nature’ with ‘me living in my head as fear of ticks as fear of death hoping religiously and faithfully that if I keep fearing maybe the ticks won’t get to me while having no fun at all in nature’ -- wherein the latter I allow myself to abdicate all self-responsibility as I simply ‘hope’ that it won’t happen

What’s interesting with being in the hospital – was that the exact same thing happened, where the doctor was now feeding me ‘horror stories’ of people dying/being badly affected by tick bite fever – and my mind going  into that same fear frequency as it did when I was a kid, where I allowed fear to override all common sense and was willing to do anything to not make the horror story happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the doctor told me that he was going to keep me in the hospital for a few days because of those few rare cases where people die/get badly affected – have gone into completely fear mode, allowing fear to override all common sense and for a moment just be paralyzed and willing to comply with anything as long as it would mean that I’d be safe from the horror stories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust doctors blindly, because of the belief that ‘they are here to help people’ – without taking into consideration the Money Game which is currently behind every doctors practice – where, if I had been here as breath it would have been obvious to see that through his words he was scaring me into being admitted to the hospital, as this would give the hospital/him income

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally walk through an event – no matter what the outcome, within the realisation that having ideas/back chat about the event is not going to change/alter the outcome anyway – so why bother making the walk unpleasant by creating an inner hell about it, which is totally unnecessary