I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that most of the experience of ‘being sick’ which is ‘bad’ actually takes places within my head – where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created all sorts of ideas/assumptions inside my head about what it means to be ‘sick’ – and where these ideas/concerns influence how I experience myself within ‘being sick’ – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this experience is not in fact part of the sickness/being sick – but a layer I added of my own within my mind where I repeat the same pattern/experience over and over again until I believed that ‘it is part of being sick’ while it is a self-created dimension / additional experience which I added unto the point of ‘being sick’
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is physical ‘being sick’ – where the body is going through particular process in re-aligning itself, which can be physically unpleasant – and that there is mentally ‘being sick’ as all the various ideas/beliefs/opinion one has linked to the body ‘being sick’ – making it something more than what it is which distorts the actual experience of being sick and making it a ‘bad thing’ where one will go and worry inside one’s head and create unnecessary experiences which in the end also affect the body adversely and holds the body back from naturally progressing within its re-alignment within the ‘make-belief’ that something is wrong with self
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that 99% of the experience of being sick which I have defined as ‘bad’ and ‘unpleasant’ – took actually place inside my head as all the fears/worries while my body may have been in pain but was otherwise quite alright doing its thing
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the body can be in pain within going through the processes of aligning the dis-ease – but that this doesn’t have to mean anything other than what it is
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that once I start to *think* about what I am experiencing, I am creating something / making something which it is not -- and so I stop and I breathe
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/beliefs/opinions about what it means to be ‘sick’ or to be ‘in pain’ – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that these ideas/beliefs/opinions are real – as if these things are really implied within ‘being sick’
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that all the fears/worries/concerns which I have paired with ‘being sick’ aren’t real – and that these fears/worries/concerns are taught from parent to child
When and as I see myself accessing ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions about what it means ‘to be sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am entering and entertaining myself within an alternate mind reality / dimension which has no relation to the physical actuality of things, where I am making this ‘more’ than what they really are and within that compromise my own ‘healing’ process. Within that I commit myself to write down the ideas/fears/beliefs/opinions which ‘popped up’ and remove them through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements so I can remove the layers of lies one by one so I can get to what is really going on
When and as I see myself going into a point of self-pity and defeatism in relation to being sick as ‘being sick’ being a ‘bad thing’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in a dimension which I created myself about ‘what it means to be sick’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to give ‘meaning’ to ‘being sick’ other than what it really means to be sick, as your body being momentarily out of balance and having to go through a process re-balancing/re-aligning itself. Within that I commit myself to remove all ideas about being sick and stop my back chat when I see that I am participating in this alternate / illusionary reality
When and as I see myself experiencing myself as ‘bad’ / ‘weak’ / ‘not doing well’ – I stop and I breathe – I quiet myself down and allow myself to just be here within and as my physical body and check how I am doing – am I really doing bad or am I making myself feel bad about what I am feeling?
When and as I see myself creating and accessing ideas of what ‘it means’ when my body is going through when feeling nauseas, vomiting, headache, pain, fever – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these manifestations are part of the body dealing with the disease and don’t have to mean anything other than that – and so I stop my back chat and forgive myself so I can allow myself as my body to take care of itself without manipulating the process and holding myself back within beliefs and ideas (haha while I was typing ‘beliefs and ideas’ it was sounding something like ‘be ill eafs’ and ‘dis-ease’ within myself – interesting how you can make up the word ‘disease’ with all the letters within ‘ideas’)
When and as I see myself accessing fears/worries/concerns about being sick – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these fears/worries/concerns as ideas must have come from somewhere and so I trace back their origin and correct myself within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements
I commit myself to show how all fears have been taught – where most fears have been taught from parent to child without us even noticing as we believe these ‘fears’ to be ‘facts’ within the ‘enthusiasm’ and religious like ‘faith’ that they have been presented/taught to us
It’s interesting because while I was sick my mom had sent me an email to see how I was doing, and I replied with how I was doing and what symptoms I had. She then replied, and in her reply she was being very worried. She had done some of her ‘own research’ on the internet and believed that I was actually suffering from an ‘additional’ disease as well – and that should read it and pay close attention to the symptoms. She then mentioned a child she knew who had had the disease and how that kids had spent months in the hospital and took very long to recover, and that the doctor had said to the mom that you can die from this disease if you don’t catch it and get treated for it. And then she urged me to go back to the doctor.
As I was reading the email I could see she was ‘playing mom’ – but I was also experience fear and panic of ‘what if I have this disease’ and ‘what if I don’t even know that I have it’ and ‘Omg, I could die from this’.
And then I had to tell myself to stop and let go, because I could see I was just copying the same worrisome behaviour as my mom. The reason why she wrote the email the way she did was probably from remembering the kid who had had somewhat similar symptoms (lol, the symptoms are basically ‘flue like’ – so you can see that this is really ‘broad’), and having remembered that the mom told her that you can die from it and then probably fearing that this disease would happen to her or her kids. And then seeing the symptoms in my email, her fear got triggered and she doesn’t want me to die so I must go to the doctor and make sure I don’t have this disease!
It’s all just fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.
So within the next few blogs I’m going to look at all the various fear which came up and this whole ‘layer’ I’ve created about what it apparently means to ‘be sick’ or ‘be in pain’ – so I can get rid of this bullshit.
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