Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from passion and purpose in Life – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go and find something outside of myself that I can add / attach to me, to be able to get a purpose and passion in Life, instead of seeing and realising that the drive as passion, as a purpose comes from within me, and is a matter of making a decision within myself – rather than finding the ‘one thing’ that will trigger an experience of purpose/passion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked/sought for passion and purpose as an energetic experience one can attain, instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose does not exist within the realm of ‘experience’ but is a decision one makes within oneself, to be engaged, to be driven and that no-one or nothing can ‘give’ this to self, only self can gift passion and purpose to self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen myself as incapable of passion and purpose, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘this is not for me’, that ‘passion and purpose is for other people’ – not seeing and realising that I had interpreted passion and purpose almost as if it was a genetic characteristic which allowed some people to experience themselves this way, while others were ‘less lucky’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘look out there’ to find something to be passionate and purposeful about – instead of looking at what is here as myself, to be passionate and purposeful about myself as a being as who I am, and to get to know myself passionately, intimately so that I may support myself in becoming the best possible version of myself and to within that, prepare the way to stand/live as an example so that we may change the world to become the best possible version it can be

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace passion and purpose as myself, where I interpreted and perceived passion and purpose to be an experience outside of myself – instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose are not experiences, but applications and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have considered applying passion and purpose in my life as myself, as a living expression – as a statement of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken obsession with passion and purpose – where I believed that the nature of obsession as being part of one’s every day moment as always being there, present – was what passion and purpose is about – not seeing and realising that obsession is about being controlled while passion and purpose is about being in control as being the directive principle in one’s life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, within the belief that I am incapable of passion and purpose, have gone into the complete opposite polarity point as obsession, where I put myself in a position of constant and continuous mind pre-occupation, and believed this to be passion and purpose, while all I was doing was further confirm and integrate the belief that I am incapable of self-movement, as the nature of obsession being one of extreme limitation and rigidity