Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Day 49: Studying and Fear - Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am reading through my study material -- read from the starting point of fear as 'I have to know all this information -- what if I forget all of this information by the time of the exams, then I have to do it all over again' and "oh no so much to read and so little time' -- where within this starting point as an energetic state of mind of fear -- I am not at all grasping / integrating the information but merely reading the words for the sake of 'progressing through my material' without actually studying/reading in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made it my goal to 'go through the material from beginning to end' without including understanding/integration within my starting point -- where I end up "studying" but really just wasting my time because I am in no way present here within the moment as the information presented

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to slow down within studying -- to allow myself to read and take in the information within understanding and to when I do not grasp / understand something go and look up additional information which may assist me in understanding the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on studying within a starting point of resistance -- where I anticipate that the reading wil be tedious and that I will forget most of it -- and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this experience is a decision I make for myself and then becomes my reality -- and thus I can decide to take on studying from a point of self-directive self-movement and taking in information effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my 'future' study experiences on my study experiences from the past as memories -- where I end up not being able to integrate the information effectively since I am busy recycling through past memories

When and as I see myself reading through my study material and thinking "I have to know all this information -- what if I forget all of this information by the time of the exams, then i have to do it all over again" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that fear and thinking/worrying only takes me another step back towards exam preparations and so I commit myself to stop participating within such thoughts / energy experiences and allow myself to work through my material step by step within allowing myself to effectively integrate the information

When and as I see myself reading through my study material and thinking "Oh no so much to read and so little time" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within occupying myself with these thoughts I am leaving myself no time/space to integrate my study information effectively and so I commit myself to stop participating within these thoughts / energy experiences and actually get to studying

When and as I see myself studying from the starting point of 'getting from point A to B' as in 'progressing through my study material' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within focusing on the 'end goal' as 'getting somewhere' I am completely losing the point of studying as I am in no way aware within studying -- and so I commit myself to re-establish my starting point as effective reading /understanding where 'progressing through the material' is an outflow of this point -- but not the main point of attention

When and as I see myself racing within my mind when studying -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that rushing within my mind and through my study material is in no way effective and is actually me wasting time within wanting to save time -- and so I commit myself to stop engaging in this energetic mind experience and allow myself to slow down and be here

When and as I see myself deciding to study within an energetic experience of resistance -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within imposing an experience of resistance upon and within myself -- I am only limiting myself and my study experience -- and so I commit myself to re-establish my starting point to that of self-direction and self-movement and study / take in the information unconditionally

When and as I see myself accessing past experiences in relation to studies as memories and project them unto the current moment -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within accessing that past as memories I am only holding myself back from studying effectively and merely repeating the past -- and so I commit myself to snap myself out of this mode and be present here within the moment as breath and take in the information presented effectively
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