Day 45: Who am I as my Body?

Today while I was cooking I noticed I had a pain in my hip. At first I went "Oh no, where does this come from now?" -- where I started going into my mind and 'look out there' for what this pain might mean-- and then I stopped myself and for a moment just assessed how I was "being here" in terms of how I was busy cooking -- and I noticed that I was actually standing in a very uncomfortable position, and suddenly it became very obvious why my hip was in pain -- I was creating it by not being aware of how I moving and how I was positioning myself while cooking. I had shifted all my wait unto one leg while letting my one hip 'stick out' to the side -- accumulating pressure on one leg. The moment I re-shifted and balanced my weight and just stood straight, the pain dissipated.

I have this thing where my joints are overflexible (hypermobility), and throughout my teenage years I've worked a lot on developing muscle around all my joints to support them in keeping in place. While I was sick I lost a lot of muscle tissue and now I've been noticing it more easily when I am not using my body in a way that is structurally supportive, as previously my muscles would just "buffer" for how I was carrying myself, but now that those muscles are gone I can see it more clearly when I am moving myself from the starting point of the mind. I'll go and access my 'automated pilot' where move myself according to memory as how I used to things before I was sick, but then I'll get a quick reminder through pain or exhaustion that this is not how it works anymore -- and so I am forced to re-assess my movements and really consider how I move myself in this physical reality and get out of my head.

I realised I have never really looked at how I move and if I'm even moving the way my human physical body was supposed to move. Sometimes Gian and I, when we're at the mall and taking a little break, we'll just sit and observe how people walk/move/carry themselves -- and it's interesting to see that you can pick up on their Character designs just by looking at how they walk, where you just see walking Characters and no-one walking in a way that actually assists and support themselves, but only to support the mind while diminishing the physical.

This point also opened up while I was listening to the whale interviews, where the whale explained how they can specifically see/read a body's history in for instance one injury/misalignment -- where they can see how the injury was created, how the mind compensated for the injury and all the ways it affected one's life.

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to Follow

Related Material

• Consciousness of the Whale - Part 1
• Day 6: A book worth being read like the Bible