Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Day 23: Decisions


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have never made a real decision within my life
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I in fact have never made decision within my life – as all my decisions have only ever been based on past experiences as memory – and never a seeing in the moment what would be Best for All

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have never made a real decision within my life, as within every moment of decision I draw on my past, past experience and memories to tell me what to do – where I accepted and allowed my past to tell me, direct me into a particular decision – and thus it was never a real decision as it was already pre-determined based on my database of past experiences and memories

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my decisions are based on personal likes and dislikes as positive and negative energy annotations, based on past experiences and memories – where within every moment of decision will base my decisions and what route to talk on my personal likes and dislikes based on memory as past events and experiences – and thus never actually practically deciding within the moment within the starting point and context of what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to personal likes and dislikes – and to believe these to be real – while obviously they cannot be real if everyone has different likes and dislikes and there is no uniformity or absoluteness in anyway whatsoever, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that personal likes and dislikes can never be what is Best for All as it only considers what is Best for Self as Character

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am in fact a pre-programmed organic robot, executing and performing tasks based on my memory as all the inputs I’ve received throughout my life and the inputs I placed in myself within back chat – and thus any action, task, decision was never real but only ever based on past experiences as memory

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that with every new step, with every new decision – I am not in fact stepping forward, as I simply repeating and recycling my past within myself where I take all I have ever done and all I have ever experienced and run it through the equation of the decision I have to make in the present – and thus all that can ever come from this decision is more of the same, more of the past – and within that supporting and keeping myself as character in place

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have ever only existed as characters, as different sets of values as likes and dislikes – where I will move from one character to another as the input/environment changes and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have in fact never lived but only lived as fragmented characters within separation of myself, in constant fluctuation – instead of being here, stable, within every moment of breath


When and as I see myself being faced with a decision, and decide upon something – I stop and I breathe – I take a moment to evaluate how I accepted and allowed myself to come to this decision and ask myself: what variables were involved? What values were involved? Is this really what is best for all or is it a decision based on personal likes and dislikes which in no way whatsoever considers what is best for all? And within that I commit myself to evaluate the decisions I have made and the decisions still to make to check myself and my starting point within making decision and teach myself to make decisions which are in fact best for all and not automated decision making based on personal likes and dislikes

When and as I see myself shifting characters – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am not in fact here, present as breath within every moment – but am allowing myself to be a program running in automation mode where I will change and adapt myself according to the various inputs coming from my environment and my self-taught outputs as a response to these inputs – I see and realise that this is not in fact real living and thus I stop and stick to breathing, here

Within that I commit myself to for myself identify all the various characters I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create within my life to deal with various situations, people – and to walk the process of Self Forgiveness and Self Correction pertaining these characters so I can merge all the fragmented, separated parts back together here as me and transform myself from being multiple disordered character to an actual living being Here

When and as I see myself making a decision based on personal likes and dislikes as positive and negative energy, I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is not real decision making but running an automated program which is not reliable at all as it is only based on self-interest and the survival of self as character and thus I do not accepted and allow myself to go that route and re-direct myself to really look and see what requires to be done within the moment which is in the Best interest of ALL
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