Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Day 13 - Fear of Failure - Anxiety and Me - Part 3


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined failure in  terms of not meeting the expectations I believe others have of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined achievement in terms of meeting the expectations I believe others have of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing the idea of myself as who I believe myself to be and as who I want others to believe I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being busted for not being who I think/present myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to preserve the 'idea' of me as the 'I' as personality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present a false image of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being "busted" where it is out there for all to see that I am not in fact the idea I would like to be / be seen as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing the image of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with an idea of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea of myself as how and who I should be based on people's expectations of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and accepted the belief that I should meet the same criteria as my siblings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory of primary school where the gym teacher was angry at me for not being able to dribble a basketball, pointing out that both my brother and sister had been excellent at this when she taught them and that she didn't understand why the heck I wasn't doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that moment of the teacher getting angry at me for not being the same as my brother and sister in terms of a specific skill -- have made the decision inside myself that I should strive to be as good in things as my brother and sister in order to be accepted by others as authority and avoid conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in that moment failed my brother and sister and my family through not having met the teacher's expectation of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a bad person because I failed in that moment to meet the teacher's expectation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something wrong with me because I failed the teacher's expectation within that particular moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made the teacher's expectation of me, my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that I must perform at least as good or better than my brother and sister in order to be worthy in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself in comparison to my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess and evaluate my self-worth through comparing myself to my brother and sister and then give myself plus points where I am as good in things as they are or better and negative points where I see myself short or lacking in skill

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must perform as good or better than my siblings in order to make my parents happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must perform as good or better than my siblings in order to not disappoint my parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointing my parents if I am not as good in things as my sister and brother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to please my parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make my parents proud of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the "bad" child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear drawing attention to myself through being worse at things than my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must live up to my older brother and sister's standards as what they have achieved before me, and in whose footsteps I must follow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being as good in things as my brother and sister within the belief that if I am not as good in things as they are that this means that I am complete failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety whenever I hear someone praise my brother and/or sister as I feel the fear boiling up inside as "Oh no, how am I going to match this -- I am not like that, how am I going to manage living up to that?"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my destiny to be clone of my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mold and shape myself in way that I believe will please the people who've praised my brother and sister without ever asking myself what I would like to do or would like to be

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider pleasing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been so focused on the external world and what I think the external world wants from me that I've completely ignored what I experience inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made decisions and gone into directions in my life in an attempt to chase my brother and sisters standards -- where I ended up making decisions which I did not actually wanted to take but felt compelled to do so in order to get closer to the ideal I was striving for as being as good as my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my brother and sister are better than me\

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to my family and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have certain duty to fulfill as a member of MY family and that I must maintain its "good name" at all cost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear shaming my mother, my father, my brother and my sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to my family's expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a burden to my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear embarrassing my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my brother and sister to think good of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my brother and my sister as examples to which I must live up to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I find myself not living up to the expectations as my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should be as good as my brother and my sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards my brother and sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as not good enough as who I am as a being here



When and as I see myself going into a state of fear of failure -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am the one setting the standards for myself and if I don't like the standards I am setting for myself, then I can change this

When and as I see myself going into a state of fear of failure -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this experience does not serve me in anyway whatsoever and is only limiting my experience of myself within that particular moment -- instead I allow myself to trust myself and be unconditional in whatever action I perform -- and simply do the best I can and not the best I think I should do as some idea that needs to be attained and maintained

When and as I see myself going into comparison to my siblings or anyone else for that matter -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I cannot compare myself to anyone but myself and what I am capable of within every single moment

When and as I see myself accessing inferiority -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed this inferiority to exist within and as my and have imposed this unto myself, while it does not have to be this way. Thus I stop participating in inferiority and I allow myself to participate in my world and other from an equal and one starting point

When and as I see myself defining myself and others according to their skills -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that skills is something that you learn and that we are all born without any skills except the skill to breathe, eat, poo and fart -- and thus it does not make sense to define anyone according to any skill as the skills one have does not define one as a being


I commit myself to changing the family system within the current world system of survival and competition to a structure of unconditional support where each member of the family is assisted and supported in developing themselves within their own specific expression -- where the role of the family is to assist, support, teach, develop and not to define, limit and control

I commit myself to changing the current education system and teachers to beings who understand how the actual physical reality and thus humans operate so that teaching can be done within the consideration of what is Best for All Life

I commit myself to changing the current world system where beings are valued in terms of their skills which can be applied to money-making to a world system where each one is valued based on LIFE and since all are equally Life, all are equally valued regardless of skill
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