Monday, 25 June 2012

Day 20: Angry People – Anger and Me – Part 5


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear angry people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let past memories ingrain fear of angry people within and as me – where I did not know and did not understand why someone would get angry at me and took their reaction personal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of the person getting angry with me, have taken it personal – in the belief that I was the cause/reason why the person was angry – where I now see/realize/understand that just as I am responsible for my reactions of anger – the person in question was also responsible for their own reaction of anger – and had in fact nothing to do with me as a being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of the person getting angry at me and shouting/ lashing out – have gone into complete fear and petrification where I froze completely within and as my physical human body as I thought that the end was upon me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear angry people as I fear them doing something unto me
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question the reaction of anger the person went into – as my non-responsiveness implies that I thought this kind of behavior was ‘okay’/’acceptable’  within the belief that I must have had done something wrong – and that this was the consequence of having done something wrong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone within complete fear and petrification when the person lashed out on me within anger – and where this became my main response mechanism to any other later event relating to anger – where I would simply stand frozen and wait it out, then run to my room and cry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with anger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief within myself that I cannot deal with anger – as I did not as a child have the vocabulary to communicate with the person being angry at me – where I wanted to say/express something but just couldn’t find any words – and then defined myself according to this experience, as the experience of being ‘powerless’ and ‘helpless’ and then within all subsequent events related to anger – would access the same experience inside myself, where I basically each time would loop through my very first memory again – reliving the exact same pattern without looking at how I could do it differently
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the moment of the person being angry at me / lashing out on me – have only looked at the emotional aspect of what was happening within the event and did not really look at the words spoken by the being and whether or not the being was making sense – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in turn respond to this within emotion instead of common sense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed value within emotions and see them as a valid part of life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider emotions to be a valid component within conversations which must be considered and valued, where I completely disregard what is being said and whether it does or doesn’t make sense as I’ve accepted and allowed emotions to override all logic as common sense
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that emotions are not a valid part of life and not a valid component of conversations and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to discard any emotions within conversations/arguments and only look at the words spoken and in turn respond to these words within common sense practicality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when people get angry at me – instead of seeing and realizing that one can only be angry at self – and that I am thus only serving as a mirror for the other person within that particular moment where they saw something within me which reminded them of themselves which they had not yet sorted out – and then triggered anger as a reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only able to respond to the emotions of others with emotions of my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless in the face of strong emotional outbursts
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can only give emotions authority over me if I place myself within that position of powerlessness as I am in fact in that moment giving permission for these emotions to influence and control me
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to react when others are reacting/being emotional – and that this in fact a decision I make for myself within myself – and thus I can also decide to not play this game and STOP within myself – and within this not feed / confirm the other person’s emotional outburst
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to handle conflict situations within a common sense approach
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with moments of conflict and friction anticipate and expect fear, anxiety, petrification and lock-down mode within myself – instead of accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to direct myself within common sense practicality and not be swept away by the wave of emotions

When and as I am faced with another person being angry and responding to this within emotions as fear, petrification, anxiety and “lock-down” mode – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that this is not the only way to respond to a situation like this and that I can decide for myself how I would like to walk through this experience – where I either allow emotions to direct myself and the event or step up and use practical common sense to direct the event
When and as I am faced with another person being angry and taking it personal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that it is not personal and that the person within that particular moment is taking out their own inner-frustrations on me – where they are dealing with a point in relation to themselves which I happened to trigger – but where this is no way means that I am the “cause” or “reason” why they are angry as I have already seen and realized within myself that one can only be angry at oneself for accepting and allowing dishonesty to exist within
When and as I am faced with another being angry and going into emotions and feelings – I stop and I breathe – I see / realize / understand that there is no point within going into emotions and feelings as a response to another’s emotional outburst as this only feeds their experience – instead I look at the words spoken and reflect the person’s words back to themselves to assist and support the other in seeing what has been accepted and allowed within self
When and as I am faced with an angry person and going into feelings of doubt and distrust – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am the creator of my own inner experience and thus I direct myself within this realization/understanding to stop this inner self-doubt and allow myself to trust myself within breath to do what is best for all
I commit myself to changing the current educational system and parental support system in a way where emotions and feelings are explained from the start – so humans may be aware of how they operate and be more aware of how one’s own behavior towards others reflects only one’s relationship towards self
I commit myself to the re-education of human beings on Earth so they may in fact become responsible parents and teachers within this world who support and assist the children in understanding how reality works and within that empowering them and giving them the tools to work with their own inner reality so that they don’t have to go through a lifetime of confusion and abuse to then only after death realize what happened and how it happened within one’s Life Review
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