Monday, 22 October 2012

Day 87: Waking Up from a Dream

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 83: Sweet! I can get Angry now
Day 84: Vengeance is Mine 

Day 85: No More Grudges 
Day 86: I'm Never going to Talk to you Again! 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was small and got angry at my family, to go and write their name down in a little book under ‘people who I am never going to talk to again’ – as a to achieve ‘payback’ for the experience which I took personal and blamed them for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that writing down people’s name in a book under ‘people I am never going to talk to again’ – was an actual solution to my experience / how I felt in relation to family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘not ever talking to people again’ was a solution to me feeling bad / offended / embarrassed / ridiculed – while it was clear that I would not be able to maintain “commitment” and that this in no way altered the nature of me and how I reacted to others within embarrassment / ridicule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten angry when it was pointed out to me how ridiculous my ‘coping mechanism’ was – where instead of seeing and realising that it is ridiculous/not working and actually investigating my experience and how it came about – I only got more angry and went further into blame

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of anger / feeling wronged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have specified my ‘blackbook’ technique, whereby I no longer placed people’s names in an actual physical book and promise that I would “never talk to them again” – but instead placed them in my ‘mental’ blackbook and made a note to exploit any future event that I can where I can make them feel bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten angry when I woke up from a dream where my sister killed my guinea pig and believed that this dream was telling me something about my sister as ‘who she really is’ – where I went into anger and hate and held on to it for several days, within the belief that she actually killed my guinea pig and that she was the actual cause for the experience of anger and hate within me – without seeing and realising that it was all me as all these points only ever took place in a dream, MY dream – and so I am the creator and the slave of my own creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken the dream where my sister killed my guinea pig and used it as an excuse/justification as to why it is ‘okay’ to hate her – as my dream had “shown” me what a bitch she really is, and so it is totally okay to hate her and be mean to her

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the dream was actually telling me the opposite, where it is not okay and justifiable to hate / be angry at my sister as everything that happened within the dream was of my own doing / creation as well as how I experienced myself within the dream and after the dream upon waking up – where the dream was showing me that even with my actual sister being removed from the picture, I will still end up creating the same scenarios for myself and creating the same experiences – and thus it was up to me to investigate these experiences and find out how they came about and how I can correct them

When and as I see myself wanting to place people’s names into my mental ‘blackbook’ for future payback – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am deflecting from the actual issue within focusing all my attention unto others – and so I commit myself to bring the point back to myself and investigate the point for which I am blaming another and correct it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself believing that payback is an actual solution – other than making me feel better – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am seeking / reaching for a quick fix, where I want to ‘feel better’ about myself without having to actual look at how I created my experience for myself and so I commit myself to stop, breathe – bring myself here as my human physical body and commit myself to investigate how my reaction / pattern got triggered and re-pattern myself within alignment of what is best for all life

When and as I see myself making commitment/promises that I cannot possible keep – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am making these promises/commitments from the starting point of energy as they are not practical within the realm of the physical and so I commit myself to stop, investigate the nature of myself starting point and correct myself

When and as I see myself going into an emotional charge of being angry or feeling wronged – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that it does not serve me, nor anyone else, to hold on to these emotions and so I commit myself to within a singular breath let go of the energy, ground myself here as my human physical body – and walk

When and as I see myself waking up from a dream where something happened and I took someone’s behaviour in my dream personal – and then modify/change my behaviour towards this person in actual physical reality ‘as if’ they really did it – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience is revealing to me the extent that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my experience and within that I commit myself to use this as an opportunity to take responsibility for my inner experience and to investigate what the specific person represents within me and walk the point within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself having had a dream about a particular person which re-enforces my already existent idea about that person which I act out on within my waking time – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have created an idea/opinion about another which requires serious sorting-out and so I commit myself to investigate the ideas/beliefs/perceptions I have created around a specific person and bring these points back to myself within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself waking up from a dream within a particular state of energy – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this only further re-confirms that I am the creator of my own experiences and so I commit myself to take responsibility for my inner reality and to dissect whatever dream I just had as this dream obviously revealed to me a pattern to be investigated, as the dream indicate a point where I am still allowing myself to be directed by energy
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