Saturday, 6 October 2012

Day 71: Fear of Others as Myself – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 24: Life as a CharActor
Day 65: Fear of Sharing 
Day 70: Fear of Others as Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing intimate relationships with others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing intimate relationships with people wherein I commit myself to be and walk with that person no matter what – where I rather ‘back out’ the moment things become ugly and hop off to the next friendship/relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open with people and talk about relevant things because I fear that this will open up a door to intimacy and the responsibility of walking with another as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have interpreted/defined ‘commitment’ as ‘restriction’ where I associate it with the experience of being ‘cornered’ and ‘stuck’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reluctant around people to share / talk because I want to avoid intimacy so that I do not get to a point of having to be faced with committing myself to another as myself and actually caring about another as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking that extra step and take the effort / time to actually get to know someone because I believe that at some point or another they will show me a side I haven’t seen before and then I will be “forced” to back off and so I did not see the use of investing my time and energy in another as I feared the emotional drawback of severing a relationship with another as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear caring for other people as myself as I see that it would take time, effort and responsibility to work with another as myself in developing an actual relationship and I do not want to spend my time/effort on another as myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I could not have developed an intimate relationship with another as myself as I had not yet learnt/realised how to develop an intimate relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have developed an intimate relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to myself within investigating the nature of me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to question / investigate the nature/origin of my thoughts, feelings and emotions and within that assist and support myself to change/transform myself into a person that I can be satisfied with

When and as I see myself reacting to speaking /sharing with others within the fear of being intimate – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am within this fear/resistance, separating myself from others as myself where I do not want to share or assist/support them as myself and so I commit myself to push through the fear/uncomfortableness and embrace the other as myself and share myself specifically to the best of my ability

When and as I see myself reacting to another person’s behaviour within fear/resistance in relation to seeing that this requires to be discussed if I want to maintain my relationship with this person – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have patterned myself to always take the easy way out where I rather remove myself from a relationship instead of actually committing myself and working through the point at hand and so I commit myself to push through the resistance, ground myself here as my human physical body within and as breath, and walk the point that requires to be addressed instead of immediately giving up on the other and so also giving up on myself within not trusting / allowing myself to take the responsibility to walk the point with them

When and as I see myself reacting to the point of responsibility/commitment in relation to walking with another as myself where I have to spend time and effort on walking with another and developing a relationship, and see this as a point of being ‘cornered’/’stuck’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from the other as myself, where if I was that person I would want someone to walk a point with me, yet I am not willing to do the same for another as myself – and so I commit myself to stop my reaction, breathe, be here as my human physical body and make/walk the decision to walk with another and care for another as myself unconditionally, as I see/realise/understand that this is what I would want for myself

When and as I see myself making up excuses inside my mind where I conjure up reasons as to why I shouldn’t walk / commit myself to someone – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is me defending / fighting for my own limitation and within that will allow others to remain in their limitation and so I commit myself to stop the backchat as excuses and walk what needs to be done

When and as I see myself going into an energy of resistance/avoidance/reluctance within looking at the prospect of having to invest time/effort within walking with another as myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is not what it means to walk with another as myself within actual care, but an energy experience as interpretation/judgment/opinion/belief/idea that I have created about walking with another as myself – and so I commit myself to stop participating within this energy as illusion and work with what is here – I breathe, ground myself as my human physical body and walk the point unconditionally for what it is

I commit myself to develop a relationship of actual intimacy with myself – where I commit myself to investigate the nature of myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within the most intricate detail, and to use the material available such as the Quantum Mind and other awesome Eqafe interviews, the Desteni Forum, the writing of blogs, the reading of blogs such as Heaven’s Journey to Life – to assist and support myself to better understand the mechanics/processes of how I ended up as who I am now as a being of self-interest – and to change my self-interested nature to one that cares for All Life Equally


Enhanced by Zemanta
Post a Comment