Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Day 95: Mourning as Excuse to have Pity-Party - Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 93: Using the Dead's name in Vain
Day 94: Mourning as Excuse to have Pity-Party


When and as I see myself being sad when an animal has died, and see that I am ‘done’ with the crying/being sad and see myself wanting to go and dig up memories within myself as all the ‘good times’ we had together to deliberately instigate the generation of emotions as energy so that I can maintain the sadness and crying or even ‘up’ it – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am going beyond the point of ‘letting go’ but instead abuse this moment to become an emotional wreck for the sake of becoming an emotional wreck which has no relation to the being that just died – and so I commit myself to within that moment snap myself out of wanting to go and dig up memories, breathe and ground myself within and as my human physical body

When and as I see myself going into a mode of ‘seeing an opportunity’ when an animal has died to go and have a private pity party for myself in order to get rid of excess built-up/accumulated energy within my life – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am abusing the moment to deceive myself and others in order to ‘escape’ and have a temporary ‘exit’ of my reality – where I do not require to be responsible because of ‘extenuating circumstances’ – where I pretend to be badly affected so that I can sulk in my own self-pity and get to be ‘excused’ for it – which is completely unacceptable – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, investigate the movement of wanting to use this event as an opportunity to have a pity-party within writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements and Application

When and as I see myself digging up memories to fuel feelings of being sad and crying when someone died and seeing that there is something ‘off’ about it – I stop and breathe – I see and realise that there is indeed something off about it as I am participating within deliberate self-manipulation to spill out emotions of self-pity which have accumulated throughout my life in a way that I can ‘cover them up’ and not have to look at them and so I stop and commit myself to take responsibility for these built up emotions and investigate how I have accumulated these throughout my life and give them direction through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements and Application

When and as I see myself judging myself for not being overly emotional when someone has died – and where I want to in response to the judgment/guilt, go an dig up memories of all the ‘good times’ I had with the being to trigger crying/sadness as I perceive this to be ‘normal’ behaviour – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, ground myself within my human physical body and investigate my ideas of morality and ‘normalcy’ within the context of beings dying and what the ‘appropriate response’ should be

When and as I see myself access/go into the belief that crying when someone has died is a token of ‘care’ and that thus ‘not crying’ is a token of ‘not caring’ and ‘psychopathic behaviour’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have created this idea based on upbringing, education and media without ever investigating the phenomenon of Death and what it actually entails when someone dies and so I commit myself to debunk my beliefs about death and ‘care’ within Self-Reflective writing
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