Then I see that there are old notebooks lying around from my brother on the same subject ( a subject I haven’t even heard about in my ‘wake life’ and so don’t even have this subject this semester), and I peak at what is in the notes and see that he has given completely different answers to some of the questions and I go ‘Oh oh’ because it’s clear that I won’t be able to pull off ‘pretending I know the material’ because I can see the answers are quite specific and its obvious looking at what I wrote that I don’t have a clue what I am talking about.
At some point time runs out and I wake up. I’m covered in sweat and freaked out.
The second dream/nightmare was very vague and wasn’t me doing an actual exam but was only about the exam schedule and preparing for the exam and gathering notes – but the main stressor was the schedule, just looking at the days and the times made me nervous. This one also played out in Belgium.
So what I found quite interesting in both these dreams is that the play-out takes place in Belgium – and not in South Africa where I am currently having exams. This reminded me that most of my exam stress and worries took place where I grew up. I can see there is a difference studying for exams, here, now, compared to how I used to study exams in Belgium. But even though there’s a difference in situation, simply because there are some symbols and variables the same –all those memories from the past get reloaded right back and come interfere with what I am doing now. It’s like the mind is going “oh oh, ‘exams’ and ‘schedule’ --- I know this one!!!” and then proudly goes and digs into the archives of the past and digs up old records containing thoughts, feelings and emotions and starts playing the record to make everything feel like ‘the good old times’.
So within the next couple of posts I want to investigate my relationship towards studying, exams and grades to remove the garbage from the past so I can study in peace lol.
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