Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Day 143: Busted!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a relationship of fear and anxiety in relation to expression – where I received feedback that I had perceived and interpreted as being ‘negative’ and accepted and allowed myself to take this feedback personal – where instead of investigating my expression and what it is that I am participating within and see how I can improve to ensure that it is best for all – I went into a mode of self-victimization and self-pity and would instead start hiding within expressing rather than investigating and correcting

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how I made my own anticipations come true – where I feared and expected the same type/form of feedback to come out in relation to my expression – which obviously would happen since I didn’t change but merely started hiding/going into secrecy – where the integration of fear and anxiety resulting in shyness and timidity was my ‘trade off’ and ‘deal with the devil’ in order to be able to remain unchanged in ‘who I am’ as ‘who I believed myself to be as expression’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I put myself in the position of being timid / shy in relation to my expression – because I know that my expression is not best for all and evidently can be criticised, where I go into ‘holding back’ and ‘fear of speaking’ because I know that what I might possible say / do is not in consideration of all and thus I may receive the feedback which I fear as feedback of disagreement as an indicators that I require to change – where I thus rather ‘hold back’ and ‘not speak’ because I rather not put myself in a position where I am faced with having to change / re-consider who I am and whether this ‘who I am’ is in fact worthy of existing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I were to truly express myself, I would simply do so no matter what the feedback may be – where I welcome and embrace so called ‘negative feedback’ as criticism as this is in fact an opportunity for me to learn, correct, specify and expand – and it is thus in fact stupid to want to hold back and ‘not go there’ out of fear of comment, because this merely implies that one wants to hold on to one’s limited existence and is not really interested in establishing self as a version that is Best in all ways and thus also not interested in establishing a World that is truly Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have viewed ‘timidity’ and ‘shyness’ as ‘innocent’ manifestations, where I belittle these points and go ‘poor thing’ towards myself and others which I see displaying such behaviour – not seeing and realising that any manifestation of personality is ALWAYS Self-Interest and embedded within the point of Not wanting to Change and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have thoroughly investigated my relationship with all forms of personality traits, whether I perceive them as ‘good’, ‘bad’ or ‘neutral’ – as any distorted relationship with any such points hinders and obstructs my insight into these points and thus myself where I will overlook and not consider particular dimensions/angles because I have already created a value judgement about particular points – where if I am faced with a point but have already interpreted to be ‘innocent’ – I will not know how to deal with the point because I do not see ‘what is wrong’ with it and will go ‘blank’ and then leave it as I have not yet questioned / investigated the point within myself and will have to timeloop and accumulate experiences and memories until I can see which can be prevented through writing and self-intimacy


Enhanced by Zemanta
Post a Comment