Friday, 28 December 2012

Day 153: Body – Marionette of the Mind

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and established an automated response pattern of fear and holding back in relation to speaking – to the extent where I am completely unaware that I am even doing it, where it has become so ‘natural’ to ‘hold back’ and be uncomfortable within speaking that this experience has become ‘the norm’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here within and as my human physical body – where I’ve separated myself from my human physical body to the extent that I do not even notice how I slowly but surely move my scarf in front of my mouth while there is no logical explanation why I should do this as its completely impractical in terms of speaking and breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have integrated the point of ‘holding back’ within speaking / expression to such an extent that it is not just something playing out in my mind but where it is extended all the way into my physique as how I hold myself and what movements I make – where my bodily movements and posture further ‘lock in’ the mode I am in and keep me in place within the ‘holding back’ state of mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just ‘go’ with what I feel and act upon feelings and emotions such as fear and anxiety and within that hold back within speaking and move by body according to those feelings and emotions without for a second stopping and asking myself where these feelings and emotions came from and why I am just acting upon them without questioning why and where this pattern originated from

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is not ‘normal’ to have created a particular relationship towards speaking and expression in terms of experiencing fear and anxiety and holding back – and that this behavioural pattern was created at some point in time and can thus be ‘uncreated’ in terms of deconstructing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to being uncomfortable within speaking within having made it the ‘norm’ for myself as ‘all I know’ where I do not question my experience and behaviour but have accepted it as myself as ‘who I am’ and am too scared to change this point as myself so I rather hold on to self-limitation instead of going beyond my comfort zone

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support myself within identifying the particular behavioural symptoms in terms of thought, feeling and emotion patterns as well as physical patterns such as hiding my face/mouth and mumbling to assist and support myself to catch myself when and as I go into such patterns so that I may stop myself, bring myself back here as my human physical body and re-align myself within breath and out of my mind
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