Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting




When and as I see myself react to someone saying something which ‘makes me feel bad’ within interpreting them as a ‘bad person’ that is ‘being mean’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am accessing the belief that no-one has the right to ‘make me feel bad’ and is only allowed to do and say things that generate ‘happy feelings’ and so I commit myself to let go of this belief system as I have seen and realised that it is a belief of compromise and allow myself to hear what the person is saying regardless of my reactions to the words spoken and I commit myself to work through any reactions that arise through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements / Application

When and as I see myself react when someone says something to another, the other starts crying or displays other forms of behaviour that clearly indicate that they are ‘feeling bad’, where I see and believe the person who made the comment to be ‘evil’ and should not have said whatever it is they said regardless of the content of the message, simply because someone reacted badly to it and believe they should be punished for what they did – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am playing out a belief system based on the past as memories where a figure of authority ineffectively dealt with a similar situation, because we have accepted and allowed ourselves to value a ‘happiness society’ that does not take into consideration what consequences stem forth from this happiness, where happiness must be preserved at all times regardless of any practical common sense considerations and so I commit myself to let go of this belief as I’ve seen its limitation and commit myself to work with what is here as the words spoken instead of reaction and interpretation

When and as I see myself react to words spoken to me within wanting to cry from the starting point of wanting to make a point as ‘look what a mean person this is, look at what they are doing to me’ as a way to shift the attention away from me to the other person within attempting to put them in a ‘bad light’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am manipulating myself and trying to manipulate others around me so that I am able to sabotage myself within not having to look at what was being said and having to possibly change – and so I commit myself to stop and look at what it is that I am trying to protect within wanting to go into manipulation and actually hear the words being spoken


When and as I see myself go into an experience of feeling bad/hurt/violated as a reaction to something someone said and within that become completely deaf to what was said and completely indulge myself into the experience of feeling bad/hurt/violated and not being able to ‘believe’ how one could ‘do this to me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise I am utilising this as a distraction technique to not have to look at what was being said and what this implies about my application, but rather want to point fingers at the other and how ‘they’ have to change because ‘look at what they are doing to me’ and so I commit myself to stop the self-manipulation as drowning myself within emotions and backchat and actually hear what was said and reflect this back to myself and assess my application accordingly


When and as I see myself wanting to say something to another but foresee the possibility that they may possibly feel hurt / cry and within that decide to not speak / hold back within ‘not wanting to be mean’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting upon a response pattern based the past as memories which I have seen and realised are not good examples to live by and so I commit myself to let go of the fear of ‘being seen as mean’ and look at whether what I want to say is relevant or not and speak accordingly


When and as I see myself believe that my experience of feeling hurt/crying as a reaction to conflict/anger is genuine/real – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that when things just ‘happen to me’ that I am not being the directive principle and that as such it cannot be ‘genuinely me’ as I did not genuinely in full self-awareness bring about this experience, but merely happened as a ‘reaction’ and so I commit myself to not accept my experience at face value but to investigate where it comes from and walk through it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements / Application so that I can move from reaction to seeing
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