Sunday, 16 December 2012

Day 142: Respecting Beliefs

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that there was only ‘one way’ to have fun / enjoyment within playing around with the computer as ‘my way’ which was only within consideration of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held on to the idea of fun/enjoyment as how I had defined it within myself which was within the starting point of self-interest within doing things ‘my way’ and how I wanted to explore things – without taking into consideration how ‘my way of fun’ may possible affect others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with conflict/friction as my father being angry when things would go wrong with the pc after me playing around with – have gone into the polarity point of ‘doing it in secret’ or ‘not doing it at all’ from the starting point of the belief that ‘my way of doing things’ was ‘the right way’ and ‘the only way’ where instead of looking how I could change what I was doing to a way that was considerate of other people in my reality I only cared about myself and my own self-enjoyment and was not willing to give this up for the sake of improving things for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my ‘fun/play-time’ would not be ‘fun’ anymore if I have to change/adapt myself into consideration of others, where I made the decision to do it in ‘secret’ or ‘not at all’ because I was not willing to change and wanted to hold on to my idea of ‘fun’ and believed that if I start changing my methods that takes into consideration others that this completely ‘ruins’ the point and that it is then useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken on the stance of ‘it’s my way’ or ‘no way’ in terms of how I wanted to have fun, where any change to how I believed what ‘fun’ consisted of was completely unacceptable and was not willing myself to change ‘my way’ to a way that fits everyone else better as well, where instead of looking at where I am coming from, seeing that I am acting from within self-interest and correcting my behaviour – I went into a form of spitefulness within moving myself into secrecy or ‘not doing it at all’ to “protest” and show my “resistance” to what had been shown to me – not seeing and realising that this was not getting me anywhere but only further perpetuating my own self-limitation within only ever taking myself into consideration and in no way be willing to consider others in my reality, which is me only tightening my self-entrapment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to have fun ‘my way’ no matter the consequence or repercussion of this ‘my way’ – where I believed/perceived any criticism to ‘my way’ as a direct attack/violation of my ‘beingness’ as if they were attacking me personally – not seeing and realising that what was pointed out to me that the way I was doing things was flawed and could be improved in a way that takes others into consideration as well – but where I did not even consider this perspective because I was too busy being offended / feeling attacked, where all I could think about was the ‘grave offense’ that had been done unto me as criticising ‘who I am’ where I believed this was something one could simply NOT do, as I believed that everyone was born with a particular “god given” expression and that one thus has no choice in ‘who one is’ and that any such criticism is thus out of the question

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must respect others’ expressions, attitudes, beliefs and behaviour no matter what – where everyone has the right to ‘be themselves’ and where I thus also demand that other respect my expressions, attitudes, beliefs and behaviour as some form of sacred/holy grail that is not allowed to be touched – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences and implications of such an acceptance and allowance, where within this one belief one allows and accepts all forms of abuse to take place within this world, just on this one point

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is not okay to not question one’s believes, expression, attitudes and behaviour when these are in clear misalignment and violation with what is Best for All Life – which is basically like saying that everyone is allowed to harm anything and anyone if it pleases them so which is completely unacceptable

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the ‘unique expression’ each one has that I believed to be “god-given” and is “without any choice” is merely the result/outcome of one’s environment, upbringing and education – where one’s “expression” as ‘who one is ‘ is the result of one’s acceptances and allowances and in no way ‘holy’ or ‘sacred’ or ‘specific to the being’ but merely the result of input/output – and as such, any criticism towards how one expresses oneself is a criticism to one’s acceptance and allowance – which then require to be investigated and addressed accordingly

Enhanced by Zemanta
Post a Comment