This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot handle/stand in the face of energy – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy
is ‘more than’ and ‘bigger’ than me and that I do not have the power to
direct such a ‘force’ and that the only thing I can do is to either ‘go
with it’ or avoid it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘less than’ and ‘smaller’ than energy within myself and others – not seeing
and realising that it is us human beings animating this energy and
being the creators of energy as friction within ourselves and that
consequently we should be perfectly able to direct such manifestations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have
created/scripted a pattern of automation within and for myself where I
have accepted and allowed myself to have created an ‘if this then that’
reaction within the nature of ‘if faced with friction/conflict’ and/or
‘when anticipating friction/conflict’ – ‘then go into fear and anxiety’ and ‘avoid situation at all cost’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have
scripted/patterned myself in a way where I react to one type of
energetic manifestation with another form of energetic manifestation –
where I will react to aggravation/anger and other forms of conflict/friction energies within the energetic reaction of fear and anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
energy is ‘bigger’ than me where in the moment where I faced with
another person being aggravated with something I said – I perceived the
aggravation emanating out of the person as ‘taking over’ – where it did
not even matter what the being said and whether or not it made sense or
not – but where I immediately placed the energy of aggravation as being
forceful into a position of authority – where all that mattered in that
moment was the energy within the scene that was playing out and where
within not understanding where this energy as aggravation all of the
sudden came from – shut down within myself and isolate myself from what
was happening around me, and in shock/petrification/fear and anxiety
decided that I do not want to go through such an experience/scenario
ever again and that I ought to avoid these type of situations at all
cost
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the
moment of seeing and experiencing the energy as aggravation coming from
the other person as a reaction to something I said – have separated
myself from that energy within placing it above me and in an
authoritative position and within separation reacted within fear
and anxiety – not seeing and realising how the other person’s energetic
reaction as aggravation and my energetic reaction as fear and anxiety
locked-in together and fed one another – where my experience of fear and
anxiety was confirming the other’s aggravation and validating it, and
where the person’s aggravation was confirming and validating my
experience of fear and anxiety – where these two energies as reactions
came together and within their blind acceptance and allowance permitted the other to exist and within that sustain one another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was
faced with another being aggravated towards something I said – have
opted for reaction to a reaction – where I accepted and allowed myself
to react to another the same way the other reacted to me (regardless of
the type of reaction) – and within doing so confirmed that such
scenarios where people are limited and diminished to being reactive robots is ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ – and accepted this as what communication/interaction
consists of between people and so I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to within that moment have ‘surrendered’ myself to
the belief that we live in a reactive world as the only possible
version/option of how we humans can interact with one another and that
the only thing ‘left to do’ is to strategically avoid certain types of
reactions as negative reactions such as conflict/friction and seek out positive
reactions – as within controlling and managing one’s input through
controlling one’s environment one is able to control/manage one’s inner
reality as the reactions that get ignited within self and then believe
this to be a solution
– not seeing and realising that we are only circumventing the problem
as the reactive nature we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to live by –
where selective avoidance and seeking
out is merely a coping mechanism to manage one’s inner reality without
having to effectively deal and sort out / correct one’s inner reality
and reality at large as the very mechanics/rules/laws we live by – where
instead of living a life of enjoyment and expression we are living a
life of fear, compromise, coping, survival and regret – in short: a life unlived
No comments:
Post a Comment