Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self

When and as I see myself react to someone being angry at me for having broken something for whatever reason within having taken the person’s reaction personal and going into a ‘shut down’ mode where all I can see/experience is my fear and anxiety – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that by going into such a ‘shutdown’ mode I am only taking my own experience into consideration when looking at the situation and not allowing myself to see the bigger picture and thus not being in a position to make an effective assessment – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe – work through the fear and anxiety both within breathing and writing and move myself to take all the points into consideration and not just my self-experience

When and as I see myself react to someone being angry at me for having broken something during an activity and respond to this within deciding to ‘not do the activity again’ or to ‘do the activity in secret’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting without first actually looking and investigating whether the other mentioned valid points – regardless of how these were mentioned/put forward (within anger or not) and where within reacting I am only creating a short-cut to not investigate and to not change and so I commit myself to push myself to breathe through the automated reactions and actually look at what was said and how this applies to what happened and how I can specify my application with what had been shared with me

When and as I see myself react to wanting to engage in a particular activity within fear and anticipation of someone getting angry and me feeling miserable as a reaction to that – wherein I want to move towards making the decision to either ‘not do it’ or ‘do it in secret’ in order to avoid conflict/confrontation – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am attempting to circumvent the point instead of walking through it, where I rather avoid a point I know I go into reaction to rather than investigating and correcting -- and so I commit myself to stop myself within moving towards ‘not wanting to do it’ or ‘doing it in secret’ and look at why I am wanting to make such a decision and what it is that I am not wanting to face and walk through the point

When and as I see myself react to the possibility of friction/conflict within engaging in a particular activity according to my definition of that activity within going into the opposite polarity of not doing it at all – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am sabotaging myself within ‘cutting myself off’ from the point wherein I rather shove the point away instead of looking and investigating who I am in what I do and what definition I have set for the activity and whether or not I can change/align who I am within the activity and thus change/align the definition of the activity to one that resolves the point of conflict within reaching a point that works for all

When and as I see myself react to someone’s feedback within anger to something I did within fear and anxiety – where I immediately look at how I can prevent/stop such a re-occurrence from the starting point of wanting to prevent/avoid experiencing inner turmoil and conflict – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am focusing my attention on the wrong issue, where I shift my attention/focus to not wanting to experience inner turmoil from the starting point of not wanting to get it triggered rather than investigating WHY it is being triggered and what the implications of such reactions are within my reality and so I commit myself to within those moments of calculating how I can avoid things from happening in order to not experience inner turmoil, to shift my focus to questioning my experience rather then my environment and triggers, and sort out my inner experience first to be able to then make effective decisions with regards to my environment without compromising myself and others as myself

When and as I see myself react to someone being angry at me after I have made a mistake / broke something during an activity within fear and anxiety and wanting and believing that I can fix this point from the starting point where I remain the same but manipulate my environment to not trigger such reactions / to not be able to catch my mistakes – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am actually doing a disservice to myself, as I am setting myself and my environment up in a way to give me less specific feedback in relation to myself and my self-application, which will make it harder for me to see where I am still missing points and where I can specify my application and so I commit myself to embrace the event as an opportunity to upgrade my application as an opportunity of self-change within humbleness

Enhanced by Zemanta
Post a Comment