Thursday, 13 December 2012

Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a negative energy connotation charge to the point of exploring things and trying out new points within anticipating negative feedback from others based on past memories where I enjoyed playing around on the pc and try out new things where sometimes I would mess up the pc as a result of my playing around where my father would react negatively to finding out that something was up with the pc and lash out on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken it personal each time my father would get angry for me screwing up the pc during my ‘playtime’, where I believed that his reaction reflected something about me personally as a defect in ‘who I am’ where I believed that the reaction was an attack on ‘who I am’ as my very beingness and expression – where I only took into consideration the impact of the negative feedback within myself as feeling bad and not look at anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only have taken ‘my part’ into consideration within scenarios where I played around on the pc, it would stop functioning properly and then my father would get angry at me and I would take it personally – wherein I did not take into consideration that we have only one pc in the house that everybody uses, where if this pc gets compromised, then this affects not just me but everyone in the household that likes to or requires to work on the pc

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have interpreted my father’s reaction within self-interest only, where I immediately assumed that it was ‘just about me’, and not taking into consideration that other people also want / have to use the pc and that we currently live in a world where we are forced to come by with limited means and have to be careful how we spend our money and have to slave our days away to make by for ourselves and our family where I did not take into consideration that my father lives a very stressful life having to provide for the family and where something breaking in the pc and having to be fixed/replaced might cost extra money which may cause extra stain on those who have to manage the money in a way that ensures self and self’s family future survival and well-being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within those moments where my father would get angry at me for having messed something up during my play/discovery time – have only considered the dimension of the scenario where I took his reaction personal and made the whole ordeal about ‘me’ only, not once considering or asking myself where my father was coming from and looking into his side/dimension of the scenario and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when things play out to place myself in other’s people shoes and take every participant into consideration as to not take any event personal
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